Seriously into Nonsense

Interview question: "Why?"

2012-01-03T12:09:00.002+05:30

I am in the middle of a long road trip. Completed the road to Rann of Kutchh yesterday with batchmates Dora and Puru.

There is a point I need to make about answering an interview question usually asked in civil services. Since its a hectic trip, i shall keep it short - yet i need to point this out, lest I forget later.

Invariably every interviewee in civil services, so also in military services is asked "Why this service?". There are many reasons and typically interviewees begin with "I want to serve my nation/ society etc etc".

Avoid using this sentence: "I want to serve my nation/society" because it sounds superfluous. The Constitution of India clearly states that every citizen has some FUNDAMENTAL DUTIES. These duties basically point out that every citizen should endeavour to serve his/her nation and society. Everyone serves the nation. An engineer in a Tata steel plant plays his part in nation building. So also a desk programmer in Infosys (and no one can ignore Tata' or Infy's contribution to building of modern india.

Secondly, the statement "I want to serve my nation/ society" demonstrates a basic falacy - that you do not already serve your nation/ society. You want to get into a government job to serve your society!

Curious case of the Rat Menace Prevention & Elimination Committee

2011-12-22T12:19:00.001+05:30

A very experimental writing... don't know where this prose is leading:

Satwik Biswal joined in as the Assistant Commissioner of Income Tax, Old Bhubaneswar circle, in mid-June, 2010. This was his first posting after training at national direct tax academy in Nagpur. The Old Bhubaneswar circle is the most important circle in tax administration in Orissa. Almost all major business houses, political figures, and educational trusts file their return in Old Bhubaneswar circle. This circle has traditionally been held by officers promoted from lower ranks. This was the first time in years that a young direct recruit officer was posted in this critical circle.
Biswal courted controversy just within couple of months of joining in. He had constituted a Rat Menace Prevention and Eradication Committee (RaMPEC) which was hugely unpopular among lower rank officials. The details as are mentioned in this section are primarily based on interview of an inspector by the name of RC Giri. Mr. Giri is a short man with a dark complexion and a belly that protrudes out of his structure like a swimming tube. He walks at an abnormally slow gait, perhaps owing to the heaviness centered in his belly.
Many officials I talked to in the department vouched that Giri was a close confidante of Biswal. Hence it was natural for me to extract some information from him. As per Giri Biswal was a ‘kid’ full of ideas. While most remember him as a sharp investigator, Giri recalls him as a good administrator too.
Within days of joining office he had taken a stock of housekeeping work in the office. As in all government offices it was in a mess. It was difficult to locate even two year old files. Many files were destroyed just by negligent storage. Files are generally heaped onto tall racks. Racks are arbitrarily placed anywhere without any ergonomic concern. This made it very difficult to trace files.
While income tax cases (called assessment) are built up by Assistant Commissioner (AC) level officers, the aggrieved taxpayer can appeal against the orders passed by ACs in appellate forums. The first appellate forum is departmental appeal with a commissioner. Then the taxpayer can appeal to a tribunal managed by law ministry. If still not satisfied, the taxpayer can file an appeal in High court. Supreme Court is the last and final door a taxpayer can knock against an investigation conducted by an AC.
The litigation reaches tribunal at an average of four years after the order is passed by AC; it takes not less than seven years for high court to arbitrate over the issue, if referred to. This is the reason why most institutions shudder from entering into income tax litigation. While the evasion case is discussed in tribunal and high court, the original evidence still lies in the files maintained in AC’s office. Most officers do not realize the might of these dust coated files that litter tax offices. Every file is a telling history of legal issues, facts, evidences and litigations. Biswal understood this very well.
After taking charge the first thing Biswal went about was updating registers. He started indexing files as per years and taxpayer names. This may sound simple, Giri warned, but is a herculean task. The whole work consumed a whole month. All peons, clerks, inspectors and superintendants working under him worked full time towards making this housekeeping task possible.
After all records had been updated Biswal found that many files from previous years’ cases were missing. Amazingly these were also the cases in which the department had lost in tribunal and high court. On a test basis Biswal collected tribunal orders and read them. He found that the department had lost because of its inability to produce evidence or scrutiny file. This could not be a mere coincidence. Biswal highlighted the issue to his Commissioner.
The Commissioner directed a senior officer to direct an internal enquiry on the issue. Superintendants blamed inspectors for this negligence; inspectors blamed clerks and clerks blamed peons. Peons said that the files were damaged due to rats, and rat menace was outside their control.
Not deterred by this, the Commissioner instituted a Rat Menace Prevention and Eradication Committee (RaMPEC) to look into the issue of rat menace. The committee unanimously nominated the Commissioner to preside over the proceedings of the committee. Biswal was made the member secretary of this committee.
It is to be noted that many other committees had been constituted before RaMPEC to look into this issue. The Rodent Resistance Committee (RRC), the Office Property Preservation Committee (OPPC) and the Counterintelligence Group against Rat Attack (Cigara) had all been constituted with similar purposes. However, they had not managed to develop any lasting solutions. These committees still held quarterly meetings, but members could not come to a consensus on what actions to propose to the Chief Commissioner of Income Tax.
RaMPEC was different. It was formed with a focused objective of eradicating rat menace. Unlike other committees RaMPEC had set a deadline for itself. As member secretary, Biswal visited certain corporate houses and analysed their record keeping system. He also consulted some librarians on the right approach to maintain documents. Finally he came up with two proposals: (a) use of compactors to store files and (b) digitization of registers. Compactors are steel chambers that slide over iron rails. As storage device they save lots of space, have clean and aesthetic look, and above all are immune to rodent attack. The committee was impressed by the research Biswal had done. It was decided that compactors will be introduced for all offices in Bhubaneswar.
However the proposal to introduce compactors faced stiff resistance from the staff union. The union’s official stand was that they were not consulted before taking decisions for office modernization. Immediately Biswal countered that Giri, a member of staff union, was a member of RaMPEC. Union members countered that the staff canteen should be modernized before any other modernization step is taken as Canteen Beautification Committee (CMC), Staff Canteen Hygiene Committee (SCHC), and Canteen Infrastructural Development Committee (CIDC) had been constituted before RaMPEC.
The real reason for staff union’s resistance was that the union saw introduction of compactors as a decrease in its powers. If a file mysteriously vanished a peon could no longer lodge blame on rats. Compactors come with a lock and key system, and peons would be squarely answerable for misplacing any file. The current system of record keeping was so botched up that an officer was under the mercy of his clerks to get him a relevant file. This afforded a balance of power between officers and clerks. The Commissioner understood this and was enthusiastic to introduce compactors. He promptly processed the recommendations of RaMPEC. Funds were allocated to SCHC and CIDC so as to appease the union. The union then raised a demand that all staff quarters should be renovated before implementing any grandiose modernization scheme. This was not possible as funds were not available for renovation work. Additional funds can be drawn only after fresh budgetary allocations in March every year. The union became militant and threatened to go on an indefinite strike. The Commissioner yielded and proposals of RaMPEC were put at abeyance.
There is nothing more to report on this episode. Giri claimed that by being forceful about implementation of RaMPEC recommendations Biswal had become unpopular among his staff.

The haunted road

2011-12-21T18:50:00.001+05:30

Wrote this short prose today while participating in a writing exercise in Facebook...

One cold winter night Lakdas took up the challenge: to bike his way from Konark to Puri via the Gop beach route. I know, I know. No one takes that road: except but the crack, the drunk, and the ignorant. Lakdas was drunk. So were we; but no one else dared take the road.

Legend has it that some five decades - no centuries - back the hot queen of Puri (its a legend. We don't know if she really was hot) had her private beach somewhere on the Gop marine drive. This is where she used to have her rave parties, her topless dance festivals, and many jizz sessions. Why - you ask? Why not? She was the queen. She would whore away her time as she desireth. Who are you to say?

And so the queen was having a good time while the king (her husband) was out on the borders fighting a futile war against the mighty Afghan Sher Shah Suri. Suri drove him from the battlefield and, unable to show his face to his subjects, came back to the capital in disguise. And lo! What does he find? There Sher Shah Suri was grinding his army and here his subjects were grinding his bitch. Enraged with this decadence he unsheathed his blade and chopped off every man and woman in the Queen's entourage. The queen was burnt alive in her own private beach.

Years, decades, heck centuries passed. But the Queen still haunts this road.She appears in the night and vanishes by daybreak. That fateful night Lakdas, drunk to the neck, took up the challenge and made his way for Gop beach.

Lakdas, his Royal Enfield Thunderbird (350CC, VPX model), and another fool of a guy riding pillion, pierce through the darkness as they prepare for an encounter with the enchantress. For some one hour there was nothing. The road was deserted, trees were dull, and Thunderbird strolled along in leisure.

Just as the road starts to seem predictable Lakdas sees a beautiful lady, a voluptous cougar, stand on the other side of the road. Her eyes show her naked yearn for young men. Her sari end has fallen off on the ground as she stands in invitation. Lakdas stops his vehicle and gapes at her amazing body (she sure is hot). Lakdas realises that he is under her control - that she has him hypnotised. In no time she would feast on him. He knows this, he understands this; but cannot do anything about it. His body seems to have forsaken his control.

I find it funny when Lakdas panics. Of course I have had too much alcohol, so I cannot be serious about my friend's plight. I feel guilty. I feel guilty that my mouth waters for the Queen's booty bulging out of a gold embroidered brassiere while my friend cries for help.

Wait! How can I see the queen? I had not taken this route. Only Lakdas had... Lakdas and the other fellow riding pillion.

Shit. I am the pillion rider. Am screwed.

Guest lecture in IIPM

2011-11-22T12:20:00.002+05:30

I gave a lecture on "Concepts in International taxation and offshore evasion" on 19.11.2011 (Saturday) at Indian Institute for Production Management, Rourkela.

The lecture ppt for same can be accessed at the following link:

http://www.2shared.com/file/bqfWwhv1/international_taxation.html

Why IRS? Giving the interview board an answer

2011-10-07T20:44:00.002+05:30

I have been so so so irregular with my blogging that the last few blog posts are full of profuse laments and apologies to my faithful readers. I won't repeat same and shall declare at this moment, shading all masks of hypocrisy, that I have ceased to be a 'blogger'. Occasional posts will no doubt come.

I am writing this post because I have been getting many queries about IRS as a service and what to tell the interview board if one takes up IRS as first option. Its natural that IRS is fast becoming popular as a second choice among aspirants and few even opt for it as first choice. This probably is because its a balanced service: metro postings, interesting work culture in investigation wing, hardcore babugiri in commissionerate, heavy power, and exposure to all kinds of business activities.

Last year when I was in commissionerate I had such tremendous exposure that I could get 3-4 PhDs in business studies for my assessment orders. Beyond this, there is the charm of going after the who-is-who of your state. While commissionerate was about administration over all corporate and business houses, investigation directorate is about policing. Investigation wing is the specialised wing that conducts Income Tax search and seizures (popularly called raids). The kind of confidence one gets after working here is tremendous and unparalleled.

On top of this new challenges have opened up in the form of International taxation and transfer pricing (those of my batchmates posted here keep telling me about the frequent international training sessions they go for) which may soon result in international tours for the purpose of investigating money laundering. There are 14 posts in various embassies all over the world for IRS officers.

So coming to the point of filling it up as a first option, now this is tricky. Income Tax department, unfortunately, has a bad name because of few black sheep. Such sheep are in every organisation but given the vastness of IT department, they get highlighted frequently. So when you fill IRS as first option, the board may make a pre-judgment that:

1. You are opting for it for ulterior motives OR

2. You do not want to put in 8-9 years in rural India (which is usually the case in IAS/IPS) and soon the debate turns into an India Vs Bharat

Don't worry. You have on your side one important factor: that you know what you want. Most people who want to come into services do not know what they want; hence they fill up options in a traditional way. Those who don't want to go abroad fill up IFS last. Those who dont think they are not meant for IPS also fill it up last. But you are one of the few who have filled IRS as first option.

Now you need to know: why IRS? You have to show your fascination for financial crimes, money laundering, and black money. As a regulator you will be exposed to a variety of business processes... business houses are bound to disclose to you, if you so demand, such confidential facts which they would not to any other authority. As an investigator, you get to make very high level enquiries - both discreet and open - into large and sensitive business and political groups. As a quasi-judicial authority, you arbitrate over issues pertaining to Income Tax Act, Benami Transactions Act, and Money Laundering Act. As a court of law you come just below the tribunal and high court in judicial hierarchy.

Further you have to be clear about the greater purpose you are solving. By taxing people and corporates you are leading to macro-economic stabilisation. You are the first and last line of defence of India's socialistic ideals. It is your responsibility not only to get government its dues but also contain capitalistic tendencies. In this age of free markets and facilitation of large corporates, it is all the more important to have a strong regulator responsible for circulation of money through the hierarchy.

I think this basic explanation will impress the board of your clarity and the reason for your choosing the service as first preference. I again repeat what I have already repeated time and again: the interview board asks you 'why?' about everything you have mentioned in your profile because they want to know whether you have clarity. Clarity shows synthesis of personality.

In the defence of revenue

2011-05-26T09:48:00.004+05:30

In a recent article in Canada-based Financial Post, academician Vern Krishna argues that the Indian Revenue Service - the IRS - 'does not enjoy the reputation for being as untarnished as it should be'. In the very next sentence he states that IRS is also zealous to the extreme; which basically means the IRS is heavily pro-revenue.

Now I see that the two statements are contradictory. On one hand the author states that IRS has a bad reputation when it comes to probity in public life; on the other hand it states that IRS is a zealous tax collector.

I think when he talks about the bad reputation of IRS he basically implies the refund issues. Recently an NGO also highlighted that corruption in granting IT refund is one of the primary avenues of corruption in Indian bureaucracy. Unfortunately Vern Krishna lacks enough insight into the fact that the corruption in issuing refunds was rampant in the system because the clerks enjoyed greater say in issuing refunds. This is true for any department infested with clerks who effect the movement of files, be it excise duty or state secretariat. Often much of the bad name given to bureaucracy is because of clerks who are responsible for movement of files.

This problem is being fast mitigated because of the establishment of Centralised Processing Centre (CPC). CPC has effectively computerised the process of processing of returns and issue of refunds. The introduction of electronic clearing of refunds further reduces the role of clerks in effecting refunds.

Unfortunately the bad reputation gained by IT department over the years owing to its short-sighted work culture at the bottom of hierarchy tarnishes the image of IT department, and by extension the IRS.

Zealous taxmen: The Vodafone case

When Vern Krishna argues that the IRS is zealous to the extreme, he gives the example of the vodafone case. To quote him:

"The Indian Revenue Service is also zealous in the extreme. For example, it recently assessed a British company, Vodafone Group PLC, US$2.6-billion taxes on capital gains that the company triggered on a share sale of a non-resident company between two non-residents on some tenuous theory that there were corporate assets in India."

The problem with summarising tax issues is that most of the issues are lost in translation. The devil of taxation lies in the detail. By giving the above summary Krishna has basically shown his ignorance of the Vodafone case (Rahul Navin sir, the man behind the Vodafone case, was my teacher at the academy - hence I profess a better idea of the real issue). Krishna has failed to realise that Cayman based shell company of Vodafone had purchased Hutchinson's Cayman Island based shell company (a company with thin capitalisation) which was the holding company of the holding company which owned the holding company of Hutchinson India.

There were about 15 shell companies based in various tax havens which formed a chain of holding companies that ultimately held the rights over Hutchinson India. Krishna is right when he observes that the payment was effected in Cayman Islands and both the shell companies were registered in Cayman Islands. But the mobile towers of Hutch are all located in India. All other assets of Hutch are located in India. Heck, the Hutch pug shown in its ads is also a copyright asset on Indian soil.

If a capital asset is located in India, the transfer of this capital asset should be taxed in India. The apex court has stated in numerous previous judgments that if colourable devices are used to avoid taxes it is not tax planning but tax evasion. The deal was signed in Cayman Islands to fool the IRS. A complex network of shell intermediaries were inserted to make it difficult for IRS officials to unmesh it. There is clearly an intention to evade.

It amazes me to see the number of sympathizers for the assessee in this case. International taxation is an emerging field and law is still extremely fluid. However, it cannot be denied that in an increasingly networked and globalised world many problems of taxation will arise. The major issue is with Supra National Companies (SNCs ?) which pose as Multi-National Companies (MNCs) and take benefits of markets of multiple nations but are inclined not to pay for it.

Basically a SNC is a company that does not have a country of source or destination. It is based in some tax haven and has a single-minded objective of making profits. It taps into various local markets but does not want to pay taxes as per local norms. This creates a problem of equity. Domestic companies are bound by Indian tax laws. MNCs are bound by tax laws of both India and the country of source. Tax-haven-based SNCs try to exploit the complexity of accounting webs to evade tax laws. In my opinion the GAAR proposed in DTC will go a long way in mitigating these issues.

Coming back to the Vodafone case, recently an Indian ambassador to a bunch of European countries opined in Business Standard that issues such as the Vodafone tax case do not go down well with India's image as an investment destination. Without raising aspersions about his Excellency's insights into tax laws and French wines, it is pertinent to note that if SNCs are not taxed in 'country of source' or 'country of residence' then who is going to pay for the expenditures of Indian embassies in Europe and European embassies in India?

More than anything else taxation is an issue of equity. Tax evasion is not just an injustice to the treasury but also to the taxpayers - in this case the domestic companies and MNCs that follow bilateral DTAA norms. When India is set to lose $ 2.6 billion in legitimate taxes from Vodafone, I think 'image' as an investment destination should not worry us. As it is India is fast becoming the biggest market for global firms having managed to build up an affluent middle class. Outsiders are desperate to mop up on Indian mine resources. POSCO had said many times that it would leave India if legal issues are not resolved soon - but it still hangs on. We don't have to please those who are investing in India on their own.

Coming back to IRS, yes we are a zealous group of sleuths. Vern Krishna has aptly remarked this, but unfortunately the work done by these zealous taxmen does not get appreciated in national fora. Rahul Navin has brought benefits of $ 2.6 billion to Indian government by tracing out vodafone tax evasion. Alas, not a single award of national repute was given to him for the hard work he put in.

Stack Your Rack

2011-05-14T00:36:00.002+05:30

Before my "Beep" book was out I only knew Flipkart. It was the default online bookstore to buy from, and it did not occur to me that there may be other online bookstores with competitive offers.

It was only when my book was released and I frantically searched the net for my book that I came to know about other bookstores and comparative price of various books in all these bookstores. One of these online stores is http://www.stackyourrack.com/ which gives 18% discount on my book where flipkart gives only 5% discount. Many other books have such competitive prices.

The Black Book of Indian Cuss & Slurs

2011-04-25T01:09:00.003+05:30

I had conceptualised the idea for this book about two years back when I had written an essay on common swearwords used in Indian languages. At that time it did not occur to me that this could be converted into a book. After the essay was appreciated by friends, I started writing a series of essays on the subject of swearwords and before long I had a book ready.

"Beep You! You Beep Hole: The Black Book of Indian Cuss & Slurs" is the result of days of idle talks with friends in back benches during my training period in National Academy of Direct Taxes (NADT) and mindless scribbling. I am not sure if I have used the right form and style on the vast subject of swearwords or whether it does justice to the subject; but still I went forward with searching for a publisher. My conviction was based on the following reasons:

1. There is no basic introduction to swearwords in market

2. The book has tinges of chick-lit writing style. It is academic in orientation but does not go heavy on the reader - I realise that my average target base is population of young teen category.

3. It makes for an interesting read. I have made an attempt to demonstrate the use of swearwords by using swearwords in the course of my explanations and narrations.

I believe I could have done more justice to the subject of censorship; the space I gave to this chapter was small; this was because had I gone into it at length the chapter would have disintegrated with the general mood and balance of the book.

Anyways the book is now out and just today I got to know that it is available in bookstores of New Delhi. It will reach other stations in 5-10 days.

"Attach his accounts!"

2011-03-25T11:32:00.005+05:30

The worst situation one can find himself in, it is said, is to owe money to the mafia. And the biggest mafia in any country is the government of the day. Government is mafia with legitimacy and government's henchmen are called TAX MEN.

It so happens that whenever a taxpayer defaults in payment of taxes, tax recovery mechanisms of the government are activated and all types of properties are attached. "Attach his accounts" is the favourite tagline of an income tax commissioner whenever the finance ministry comes knocking for budget targets.

Few days back, during a recovery procedure, it was found that to escape the taxman the defaulter has put all his funds in floating demand drafts. The drafts are drawn by the same person in his own name. Now this is novel.

As such demand drafts are negotiable instruments encashable at a discount at any branch of any bank in India. The physical money is in the possession of parent bank. But can this physical money be attached and retrieved by revenue? This issue has come earlier too, but that was an era when drafts were physically transferred to clearing branches in respective cities. At that time a simple attachment at the issuing bank would do the trick. Post-Information Tech reforms banks no longer transfer drafts physically. Rather a system generated confirmation of genuineness is uploaded into a central server and any bank branch can cross-check it.

Hence the only alternative remaining in such a case is to cancel the draft at the issuing branch. Now the problem is that draft numbers are available but drafts are not in IT department's possession. Can the draft still be encashed? If so, what is the procedure? The IT Act gives all round authorisation to its taxmen to retrieve tax demand from banks. But in this case a new challenge arises; as to the procedure to be adopted to cancel drafts so as to retrieve tax for revenue.

A judgment on CAG Activism

2011-03-10T18:39:00.003+05:30

This is a judgment I read about just today... however I see that it has strong consequences and every assessing officer should know about this judgment when facing an audit objection wherein the audit party has resorted to audit activism. The case is Carlton Overseas Pvt Ltd Vs. Income Tax Officer & Others [2009-TIOL-461-HC-DEL-IT].

In the above case the assessing officer had completed the case u/s. 143(3) giving allowance to the assessee for Section 80IA exemption. Later the case was reopened u/s. 147 of IT Act in response to an objection by Revenue Audit Party. High Court quashed the order.

Hon'ble High Court also stated that the primary function of audit in relation to assessment and refunds is the consideration whether the internal procedures are adequate and subsequent. It is not intended that the purpose of audit should go any further. Whether it is the internal audit party of the IT department or an audit party of the CAG, they perform essentially administrative and executive functions and can not be attributed the powers of judicial supervision over the quasi-judicial acts of the income tax authorities. The income tax act does not contemplate such powers in any internal audit organisation of the income tax department but only in those authorities which are specifically authorised to exercise adjudicatory functions.

2011-02-18T16:40:00.000+05:30

Ah well those tipsy eyes

I Wish I could drink off them

And lay in her enchanting arms

Which, I say, are no less than a harem

Ah well her slender neck

I wish a vampire I were

How in delight could have feasted

On the warm blood trickling down her lavaliere

Ah well her smile of entice

I wish I were but a taxidermist

Could have preserved for eternity

The piece of art at its bitchiest

Last line of defence

2010-12-14T15:33:00.005+05:30

It's exactly six months since I took charge as assessing officer, Circle 1(1), Bhubaneswar. And its been good six months. On the day I took charge, to be frank, I had apprehensions. I had not really been a serious student at the academy and given the hype about income tax being a very technical field my apprehensions were well placed.

Yet my self-appraisal about my last six months is that I enjoyed the work. Thoroughly. Home town Bhubaneswar about which too I had apprehensions turned out a welcome change: a son of soil getting rooted. As for the intricacies of accounts and law, I enjoyed it to the hilt. I learnt much more from my senior Dipi ma'am here than I did at the academy (inspite of Tripura ma'am's vigorous whips to train me) and have managed to get an attitude towards the job. Not for a moment did I find the job taxing.

Yet these six months have left me wondering: what keeps a taxman going? An army man defends the country; a policeman protects; the local administrator develops; even a guy from Customs & Excise is involved in anti-narcotics operations and customs inspection. What is the glory, the pride, in financial investigations? When I wonder this out loud, pat comes a reply from some corner hidden behind huge stacks of files "you collect taxes that helps these guys do what they do".

Naah. That's the dumbest reply I have heard.

Let me tell you what I understood of the essence of being a tax sleuth is: Income Tax department is the first and last line of defence of this country's socialism. Period.

The founding fathers of this country had envisioned a country of balances and diversity. Balance between capitalism on one extreme and communism (marxist, maoist etc) on the other is one of the basics of this country. A common middleway is socialism. In the post-liberalisation era the concept of socialism assumes even more significance because now this country runs the risk of being run over by raw capitalist forces: big corporates who can call the shots in policy making. The need many policy makers have voiced is for balanced development in post-liberalisation period.

In many other countries liberalisation policies have been followed by a handful getting too big to control and gobbling up all public resources. Here comes the role of income tax sleuths: to maintain balance. To use a jargon, IT department is the prime agent of macro-economic stabilization. When Jayashankar sir had spoken about it in the academy the word looked so fanciful. The core idea behind it is not to let the markets run amok.

But more critical role of IT department is circulation of wealth. 30% taxes on any corporate body reminds the corporate of what it owes to the country and its people. As agents investigating tax evasion, IT sleuths are the only dedicated and specialized force looking into corporate behaviour.

Such is the nature of this job that starting from day 1 of his career an assistant commissioner of IT investigates into corporate files and tries to understand the logic and law behind any financial behaviour. This gives this department the unique ability to understand financial behaviour at a more subliminal level. Indeed, IT department is the first and last line of defence of socialism. Just like the army is first line of defence of this sovereign's sovereignty and paramilitary is second.

Towards the end

2010-11-14T02:41:00.002+05:30

Am almost reaching the final stages of book publication for my next book: The Black Book of Indian Cuss and Slurs.

Now that's the sub-title. I have been brainstorming a lot on a suitable title, but to no avail. I found "HYMNS OF THE FOUL TONGUE" appealing. But that sounds thanda to junta. Finally a friend suggested "F_BEEP M_BEEP". I found the name brainless but then now the whole book seems brainless to me.

When I had started out I knew this is an irrelevant topic and my approach is even more irrelevant. I was writing for myself: it just ended up a non-fiction. Etching out time from a new (and demanding) job, I did manage to end it but now i wonder if its at all meant for readers.

But then there is always this assurance: friends and family. Sorry, only friends. Family would doom me if they get a copy of the book. Friends have been tolerating my writings and will keep doing so. As regards a writing career, I am not sure I any longer intend to have one full time. Writing tits and bits here and there would suffice, i guess.

Applied Psychology has been a bestseller in UPSC market afterall. I hadn't expected this good response after psychology tutors just wrote it off. Now I realise the psychology coaching teachers in Delhi were just feeling threatened by a to-the-syllabus book. Many ppl have even requested me to come out with a book on paper 1 and a book on sociology. Nah, I don't want to write for competitive exams. I wrote the book then because i liked reading psycho. Now i have moved on to law and accounts :) It is the dumbest to write for business. All those people who make a living out of writing have an intrinsic motivation driving them; a passion to write. Competitive book authors are not, in the real sense of the word, writers. They are businessmen.

Now something about my next venture. Ram Gopal Verma once said he conceptualises his next movie by the time one ends. May be that's why his factory productions produces so sub-standard movies these days. Btw, I plan to start working on a documentary movie on Orissa's business trends in January. Have to pursue Ortel guys for a break.

Musafir X in Paradeep

2010-08-29T17:13:00.004+05:30

Musafir X, aka Musa, hasn't been doing much travelling of late. In fact other than the namemusafir (Hindi for traveller) there is no remote connection with travelling. He has become a workaholic: an income tax assessor dedicated to the collection of revenue in the service of His Majesty the King... oopsi His Excellency the President of India. He spends weekdays taking hearings and making long statistical analyses and weekends in writing orders; orders that make him a villain in lives of 'em people who earn.

As an assessor he has been posted in Bhubaneswar, in Orissa. Now this is a state Musa is familiar with, yet not so. He is Oriya, but not a resident of Orissa. He can pass off as an 'insider' here, yet his sense of the land is skin deep. He speaks fluent Cuttki Oriya, with a neutral (at times Bihari) accent. A rootless man sent back to his roots. A psycho-analysis of Musa would reveal a sub-conscious antipathy towards the people and the land, an attitude (preconceived notion?) diametrically opposite to that of a real traveller. This thou reader may construe as a reason apart from the work addiction inhibiting his impulse to explore.

Yesterday was different. His work-eat-sleep-work routine had come to a point of strain threatening a breakdown. He realised the occasional highway bike rides were no solution. And opportunity presented in the form of Lakx. Lakx, a fellow tax assessor who had been placed in Rourkela, believes that he still has a life and demands I take him someplace. Doars is little reluctant but finally agrees. The plan is sudden, the destination arbitrary, and weather looks just fine. We pack up in a hired indigo and start off to... wait for it... Paradeep.

Why Paradeep??? Doars had asked, and as I can see you too wonder. Just like that, I would say. We just wanted to get out. God, this has become so tough these days!

The road

Orissa is seeing a nervous pace of industrialisation. The pace of industrialisation is high but arbitrary. There are many biggies ready to vulture upon the ore treasures of this state, yet they have to face infrastructural bottlenecks and local displacement resistance. On the issue of displacement every one conforming to whatever ideology has an opinion (Musa is no different; as with other intellectuals Musa's knowledge of the problem is newspaper-deep). But no one has a win-win solution to the loss-to-life and loss-to-economy. Well, everyone except the dummy intellectuals who simply resort to China-ism... kill 'em all. Throw 'em out. Build up.

However, it cannot be denied that the government is trying all it can to bring in investment. The roads are wide, four lane and you can skii over it. Roadwork is still ongoing at many places. As Lakx and Co (the group name decided upon) drove from Bhubaneswar to Chandikhol via Cuttack, they saw the difference simple infrastructural facilitation has brought about. Bhubaneswar and Cuttack have practically become one city, many suburb apartments having opened up in between the two cities. Property prices are sky rocketing and houses are fast encroaching the traditional zone of influence of Mahanadi.

Doars plans to make a farmhouse by the side of Mahanadi someday. Not that it is some novel idea. Coastal Orissa is mad about houses. An Oriya woman has just two dreams in her life: to make her son an engineer and to build her own house.This explains the preponderance of engineering colleges around Bhubaneswar and the booming price of real estate. While Bhubaneswar costs are just like any other small city, real estate prices are abnormally high. A sad result of this is that the Mahanadi once majestically flowing between Bhubaneswar and Cuttack looks so artificial and mellowed.

But these scenes don't deter the trio. Once they cross Chandikhol and make a detour towards Paradeep its green all around. Musa is surprised by how flat the land is. He is surprised how flat the land can be. Wide stretches of green fields and meadows lay on both sides. The farmer is busy in his field. He was at peace. The cow was busy chewing grass. How at peace she was. What's the difference between the farmer and the cow? Both were limited to their world; both had not seen the world. Ultimately for Musa it is not about the farmer and the cow. It is about why he feels so jealous. Is it because he knows he can never become a farmer?

Lalitgiri en route

There are three major buddhist heritage sites on the road to Paradeep. Lakx and Co skipped Udayagiri and Ratnagiri because these sights demanded a de tour of some 30 KM. Since Lalitgiri was just 2 km off the road they did go down there. And oh reader, that was a decision well taken. For on your journey to Paradeep you will find this the best topping on the travel-cream.

As the name implies Lalitgiri is a hill. The hill is fairly populated and you are sure to find some old fashioned huts made symmetrically on both sides of the road. Musa declares that he would make a hut for himself in the lap of this hill some day. Some day.

Next they visit the ruins of the Buddhist monastery. Well kept by the ASI, not much remains of the Buddhist centre. But what remains shows how grand the monastery must have been. The cows here are not like city cows - they are agile and unfriendly to strangers. They jump and run around if you chase them. And once they become familiar with you they even start playing around.

While the monastery has but been grounded, save but foundations of some congregation and prayer halls, the ASI has done a good job by maintaining a beautiful garden with choice flora. Doars has got a new SLR which he clicks on and on. Later in the day he would wonder why he does not figure in any picture.

The ASI has made a small museum that houses some of the statues still preserved. Inside the museum Lakx and Doars engage in an animated conversation about moksha, rebirth, the boddhisattvas, and mathura school of art. Musa, in the meantime, is awed by a lady's statue made to fantasy proportions. The name sign said 'Prajnaparamita'. The sign did not say who made it. His name is lost now. But whoever he was, he sure must have attained moksha: salvation. For one who has made such fulsome bosoms and has cut out this curvaceous woman has experienced the deepest of bliss. Overcome by clouds of perversion, Musa kept gazing at Prajnaparamita for a long time, his salivating mouth expressing a wide open lust. How beautifully has she been imagined!

After sometime Musa feels guilty. He was reminded of the numerous time in school during Saraswati Puja he had stared at the statue of the Goddess (the makers from whom the statues were procured were in love with their statues; they saw their statues as lovers not mother... as a result Saraswati often came in revealing costumes). He is also aware that Lakx anf Doars are getting suspicious. So he joins them and starts discussing Gandhara and Mathura schools of art.

My CDs: A testimonial

2010-04-19T14:48:00.002+05:30

For sixteen long months I, so also some hundred fifty others, have lived my life by the rules set by two persons: my course directors at NADT. Life has practically revolved around them; it’s like ‘like us or hate us, you cannot get rid of us’. In these sixteen months, I have tried to read them, understand them, and have at various times hated them, despised them, challenged them, made futile attempts at avoiding them, and learnt from them. At the dusk of my training at NADT I hereby present this reminiscence as testimonial of the two most influential characters of the formative years of my career…

Sunil Chandra Sharma

Now, I have to be really careful when writing about Sharma sir. The problem is not with sir per se – he’s so cool he would delightedly accept comments made on him – but with my fellow probationers. It is really uncool to say anything positive about ‘Sharmaji’; infact sir is the most popular topic to discuss and laugh at when few pals sit down for a chat.

To start with, in my initial days I had serious confusions about Sharma sir. He seemed to suffer from some sort of mood disorder (and it did not help that Pagalkhana is just walking distance). At one instance he would crack some witty jokes and make you cosy and comfortable; in the very next moment he would scream and rage and go extra-hyper. This mood disorder continued in him for the whole of first semester though mellowed down in intensity towards the end of the semester.

It was much later I understood the reason behind this mood disorder. By nature this man is a dude. He has none of the characteristic traits of a bureaucrat. Traditionally in Indian bureaucracy people expect their juniors to be sycophant. Everyone has an ego, and the size of a man’s ego is as big as that of his seniority. This is perhaps a vestige of our colonial legacy. But Sunil Sharma is too chilled out a man to show such airs. When such a man was given the reins of a batch it led to role conflict in him. His primary task was disciplining a huge batch of probationers, many of whom have arrived here with an already inflated ego, many others resistant to the idea of being turned into school kids. His mood fits were a result of this dilemma: of being himself versus being a kindergarten teacher.

The Teacher

By the time we returned from our OJT Sharma sir had resolved this dilemma. The draconian military rule had been eased and now he had a chance to be just himself. At the same time, Sharma sir took it upon himself to inculcate some morals in us. It seems he was frustrated by the general apathy and lack of concrete morals in our generation. So second semester was marked by a series of ‘moral lectures’, one of which I attended this morning.

I have often reasoned about the futility of these lectures… as it is at our age we are averse to lectures. And beyond the ‘critical period’ from infancy to fourteen years of age humans are just resistant to any change in basic personality. But then, his lectures had an important function in NADT society. Many probationers abstained from breaking rules because they dreaded long moral lectures from you-know-who. I was tempted many a times to go to a friend’s wedding or on a vacation without applying for leave; but along with Tripura ma’am’s fury lengthy one-to-one moral sessions with Sharma sir deterred me from making major disciplinarian breaches. Many of my batchmates were horrified by the idea of compensatory classes when they came to know that these are just moral lectures by Sharma sir.

The man, the ideas

Perhaps sir’s persistence with moral lectures can be explained by an analysis of his ideology. He knows that as course director of a batch of IRS officers he needs to be a mentor no matter what. And he has been true to this belief. As I remember, there is a corner in faculty building that is littered with tea. He had strongly reprimanded probationers for this. Why would he do so? The general tendency of we Indians is to litter everywhere other than our home (what belongs to us). That’s why public utiliy places and government buildings are so dirty and shabby.

If someone is concerned about public sanitary in India, it only points to one thing: the man is out to do general good. Another instance I am reminded of is his insistent approach towards Shramdaan. While it was our shramdaan he shows more zeal than us in seeing it coming through. In our generation, people generally get frustrated of government jobs as there is no incentive for working hard; good work is not appreciated as neither you get bonus nor better promotion prospects. What I have seen in Sharma sir is intrinsic motivation – zeal to do general good, the benefit being satisfaction of having done good. I believe this is just the thing which will keep us going in a bureaucratic job.

His intrinsic motivation also explains his zeal for giving moral lectures. It is his concern for the organisation as a whole. It is because of his concern for the department’s image that he lost his cool when we were late for classes during our international attachment.

“Saara desh ka naam dubaenge ye log” he had thundered.

I, for one, am indifferent towards the organisation as a whole. Its me, me, only me. But if I am able to enjoy a better work culture in income tax department it is because of a few good men.

C. Tripura Sundari

“Oye we are in section B. We will have to report to ma’am” a friend had cheerfully told me when we had first got to know of our section. He was happy because of a general perception, that lady officers are lenient. Also Tripura ma’am looked very kind, forgiving type. In a few week’s time this kind lady was nicked sherni – lioness. Who would have imagined this frail lady would turn a nightmare! But then this is Tripura ma’am – one in few I know who can get into any role effortlessly. If you have ever tried to skip a class and have been caught by ma’am on the way, you know. Her intent look would freeze you and you would not know whether to run or go back to the class.

When ma’am says something, she says with such a conviction and composure that you know she means it. But does she? When she threatened me that she would constitute a medical board to call off my insomnia bluff it had so disturbed me that I did not miss a single morning activity for a week after that. Another time when I was late in class by a few minutes she had said that she would spoil my ACR. It was only after my counsellor Bhave sir told me about her reputation for kindness I understood that all the time she was bluffing.

It was after all a game of cards in our one-to-one sessions. I would throw a bluff – insomnia, loose motion, vomiting – and she would outwit me with her own bluff. All my life I have played this game with teachers and professors, but never was I defeated this bad at it. Yes, a witty woman she is. Though her jokes are not as many as her husband Doss sir, hers is the best sense of humour in campus. Her one-liners come with impeccable timing.

Lectures

Whatever stats my attendance may show, I was very regular in ma’am’s classes. You may say that it’s because everyone dreads missing her classes, and I was one of the few in her black list. She would scan out her blacklist first thing when she enters a class and mark out those absent. But then I really enjoyed her classes. According to me, her teaching technique best suits students who are 20-something. Some teachers teach you the way a school kid should be. Yet others prefer directive teaching and hence teaching becomes mostly one sided affair. But ma’am considers her students as adults. Rather than directive teaching, she would make it really interactive by giving problems and abruptly asking anyone to come to the blackboard to solve these. By this, every student is compelled to get involved, even if class strength is eighty. On top of that there is a healthy debate which helps one to easily memorise the sections.

The aura

One of the principal areas of concern in present day organisational studies is the issue of female employees. The case put forward is that women employees are generally overlooked when giving critical posts and promotions. It is also said that women employees cannot become assertive and self-confident because of lack of senior lady officers. IRS luckily has Tripura ma’am posited at the right place: its training academy. A woman whose aura speaks of her authority and her confidence is a role model not just for my female colleagues but also for me. Unlike other faculty members, ma’am is never ambiguous in her speeches and is direct, to the point. The economy of words she uses is what I have seen lacking in ‘argumentative Indians’ in general.

Sixteen long months. Or shall I say short months? It did seem long at times, when giving departmental exams; when half-asleep we were made to stretch ourselves in the PT field; when we were scolded at. It seemed then that sooner we escape the academy better it is. We rejoiced the idea of OJT, the all paid trip called Bharat Darshan and of course Singapore. But ultimately the strongest memories that I take along with me are that of days in campus: of my CDs, of Jayashankar (“Jata-shankar”) sir’s high funda lectures, Rahul Navin sir’s cutish smiles, and of Ashim (“bhodrolok”) sir’s humorous gestures.

But then good times are transient. Life moves on… assessment, files, time-barrings.

Prof. DP Agarwal and New Exam Pattern

2010-03-31T09:52:00.003+05:30

A small diversion before my North-East Bharat Darshan chronicles continue. This is about Prof. D.P. Agarwal, the present chairman of UPSC. As an UPSC member, he was the one most cursed by candidates. Candidates preparing for UPSC often found his interview board the most stressful of all boards. Now that he is the chairman, candidates curse him for making such a major change in prelims exam pattern from 2011 onwards.

I personally have no complaints. Though I had always feared being placed in the 'Dreaded DP interview board', I found him polite and attentive when I appeared for my interview. Yes, he was a no-nonsense man and did not go out of the way to crack jokes or seem charming. He was just like an IIT professor (as a matter of fact he used to be one) - nurturing but not patronising. I was quite nervous in the interview and I remember him even saying a few encouraging words now and then... though he had created a tense environment in his board.

Coming to his tenure as Chairman. I believe people are going to remember his tenure more than anyone else. This is a man who is a change agent; he understands that the age-old pattern followed by UPSC is archaic and needs to be changed for a more scientific examination pattern. I believe, had he had his way he would have completely upturned examination. But to start with, he has made major changes in the preliminary exam pattern. The subject paper has been replaced by a common paper assessing students on certain basic aptitudes that a civil servant must possess.

I am amazed by the number of students who clear civil service yet are pretty weak in numbers. How can a civil servant work in finances (which every civil servant does at some point) without a good hold over maths? Second, there are many paper in UPSC such as pali literature, santhali literature which, no doubt, help recruit students from varied backgrounds; but how useful are these backgrounds in technical services like IRS? Even during training period it is marked that certain students at a higher age group take too long time to learn new things. Hence a sharp IQ is must... and hence the need for an IQ test.

Said that, I believe Prof. DP Agarwal is a transformative leader. Not only he thinks out of the box, at that high a post he has the enthusiasm to experiment with a pattern that is diagonally opposite to the existing pattern.

Face off in Tawang

2010-03-20T10:51:00.007+05:30

Our next destination in Bharat Darshan (BD) was Tawang. A valley in Arunachal Pradesh, it has often been in news highlights because of Chinese claims over the valley and the district.

The road to Tawang is one of the most beautiful road sight-seeings in India. Treacherous and narrow, this road is maintained on a daily basis by the Border Roads Organisation (BRO). This road is quite inaccessible for at least four months in the winter season due to heavy snow fall over the far eastern reaches of Himalayas. At these times, only big vehicles using chain-strapped tyres (to increase the friction, as there is always the danger of tyres slipping over snow) ply over these roads. There is also a helicopter service from Guwahati that takes 3000 bucks and manages the distance in just an hour. Yet, for a first-timer I always suggest to take the road.

Our first stoppage en route Tawang was Tezpur. From there we went to Bhalukpong, a town on the border of Assam and Arunachal Pradesh. After a short rest (we met the other group from the academy there), we were off to Bomdila. After a comfortable night's stay at Bomdila, its about 5-6 hours journey to Tawang.

Prayers & Passes

A deep relation exists between Vajrayana Buddhism and mountain passes. Buddhists usually suffix the name of a pass with a "la", such as Bomdi-la, Se-la and Khardung-la. Mountain passes are critical to connectivity in these mountainous terrain. They seek to connect one "world" with another. For locals, every mountain range is a whole world. Passes are connections that connect one world with another, one life with another, and hence are symbolic of multiple lives and multiple worlds. Tibetans believe in an imaginary pass, the Shangri La, that connects Earth with the Liberated Land. People of Earth are bound by cycles of birth and death. Shangri La is a pass of enlightenment, a pass that helps one get liberation from cycles of birth and death.

During the festival of LOSSER, believers of this school of Buddhism write prayers in long cloths (of some 15 feet in length and 2 feet in breadth) and hoist these as flags on long poles. As the wind comes, these flags flutter and prayers are blown across the mountains to all places wind blows. Since we had just missed the Losser festival by a week, we could see these flags with prayers written on them magnificently fluttering over houses and village entrances, spreading prayers of well-being and peace all over. Interestingly, many such flags were hoisted on passes and either side of bridges that we crossed. When I asked a local the reason for such, he said because these are "bridge overs" connecting worlds.

Hindi, all the way

Bomdila was a cute, small town inhabited by happy, cheerful people. One survey of the market place and I met with a pleasant shock. People here mostly conversed in Hindi! In the far north-east of India, in a place so much different from heartland India in culture and tradition, people still talked in Hindi. That too fluent Hindi. Even in Orissa you won't find that many Hindi speakers once you cross the cities of Bhubaneswar-Puri region. I met people of Tibetan origin (in fact second generation refugees), ethnic Monpas (the local tribe) and Biharis. Yes Biharis. My friend from Bihar Amit Anand used to boast that you can find Bihari people in every corner of the country. Literally!

But then there are just a few families from Bihar here, mostly involved in commerce and construction work. It can not be concluded that Hindi is so widely spoken because of a Bihari influence. For a moment, I thought it might be Bollywood, the greatest evangelist missionary of Hindi world over. Why not... I could find CD shops displaying wide range of Hindi movies both old and new. The real reason I could decipher only in Tawang, after interaction with few local Monpa people there.

Reality is the zeal of Monpa people to assert themselves as Indians! As much as I am aware, even they are aware how drastically different Monpa tradition is from the dominant Hindu tradition of India. But they know India is any day a better option than the oppressive, communist regime of China. They are even aware of the ethnic cleansing of Tibetan population by Han Chinese, and live in a constant fear of Chinese aggression. Hence their need to assert themselves as Indian, and what better way to do this than by speaking in Hindi! Even in Tawang monastery the young lamas are taught in three languages: Bothi, English, and Hindi. Later when I deal Nagaland and the issue of "Greater Nagalim", I will come back to the issue of Tawang nationality and its essence to India as a country.

Gompas and Monasteries

If you ever get to visit the Tawang, East Kameng and West Kameng districts of AP, don't forget to check out the Buddhist gompas and monasteries. Monasteries are places where Monks live and study. Its more like an educational institute specializing in religious studies. Tawang monastery happens to be the largest Buddhist monastery in India and the second largest in the world. It is here that most Monpa families leave one of their kids to be tutored as lamas. They stay in dormitories inside the monastery and study from class 1 through class 10 in the school within the monastery.

Both Tawang monastery and Bomdila monastery are replete with colourful and intricate decorations. There are wall paintings that point towards episodes in Tibetan Buddhist mythology. Gompas are places of worship, hence much smaller than monasteries. While walking through Bomdila's Upper Gompa market I experienced a serene, calm feeling... a feeling that I can't express for it was just in the moment in the surrounding that I got charged up. I and Dora were taking a leisurely walk at around eight in the night (which means pitch darkness in the hills), having bought torches to show us the road. I was not quite ready to go ahead since it was just uphill from Upper Gompa market to the Gompa. But then this feeling came, and propelled me all through.

I never entered the Gompa, but returned few miles from it. Before returning, however, owing to the deep, serene feeling, I vowed that I would never again touch alcohol or any other substance giving a high. For that high is just temporary high... the real high is an eternal high that I experienced here... a happiness that was different and pure.

Downhill, when I was back in the hotel, Ashok Gautam called me up and said that a daaru party had started. At first I was reluctant. After all I had resolved. But then I thought - what the fcuk, we will worry about spirituality some other time. And again restarted - after an interval of hours (or was it minutes?) - another saga of boozing.

But it seems the monastery had immensely influenced Dora. He was ready to renounce the world, just like Buddha, and come down here permanently.

"So you ain't going back?" I ask him.

"Oh yes I am. But ultimately I am going to renounce all responsibility and come here"
Dora said.

"When is this ULTIMATELY going to come?" I ask.

"See, the problem is I don't have any responsibility now. I have to take on some responsibility - such as marry and have a child - so that I can renounce and come down here" Dora said.

Since you readers understand the futility of understanding what Dora Lama is upto, I leave the matter and get on to the next: Indo-China Border.

Indo-China Border

To the disappointment of many of my groupmates, we couldn't reach the Indo-China border ahead of Tawang. Marred by inhospitable terrain and stubborn snow, the road up to the border could not be traversed in small vehicles. Even though we had managed all necessary permits, we needed one of those huge defence trucks specially built for these roads to take us there. Since it was too late for defence personnel to help such a huge group, we went only a few kilometres ahead of Madhuri Falls. Still, it was a height of 14,600 KM.

A hindi movie named "Koyla" was shot in the lap of Tawang's natural beauty. It seems in one scene, the heroine Madhuri Dixit took a steamy bath on these falls. Thereafter the filmi people here named the falls as Madhuri Falls! In fact, my driver-cum-guide showed us many places and suggested which scene of Koyla was shot in that place. I wonder why Tawang was not renamed as Koyla-nagar!

From the farthest point we could go, the border was visible. Visible in the sense in the far horizon two peaks were visible. One army personnel posted in a checkpost said one peak belonged to India and the other to China! Taking me over a small hill in another direction he showed me another peak.

"Do you know which country it is?" he asked "It's Bhutan"

Lucky me! I could see two borders, the Indo-Bhutan and Indo-China border at the same time. Life gives few such opportunities. But then these opportunities are always open to defence personnel. Does it make them lucky? I bet no. Coming down to -20 degrees for a visit and staying here in checkposts for months on end are different altogether. Hats off to the army personnel - those I met and those I couldn't - who live on snow covered desert heights so that we can live at peace.

An interesting fact I found there was that the road from Tawang to the border was made by the Chinese when they had attacked in 1962. Of course BRO has developed it since and maintains it by making quick repairs, but can you believe this: it took the Chinese just a week's time to cut the road through the mighty Himalayas. When the Chinese had attacked, they had come as far as Tejpur in Assam. But then receded back. Some communist acquaintances say that it was because the attack was just a warning and China was in no mood to annex India. This is just silly argument. The real reason was that China had attacked at a time when Winter was fast approaching the area. In winters the weather becomes so harsh here that the valley is completely cut off from China. China couldn't maintain the supply line for its soldiers and hence withdrew.

In a way it was a big military blunder by China: trying to cross the Himalayas at the onset of winter. Himalayas are indeed a natural defence for Indian interests! Had China not withdrawn its forces would have been stranded in India. In a later attack in 1967, China had tried to annex Sikkim which was then an independent kingdom. Indian army had very successfully repulsed this attack. This fact is not very widely known, but I came across it while going through a history of North-East.

My friend Puneet, who takes cool, unconventional snaps, has come out with a collection of pics he took in North East. Check them out on his Picasa album:

http://picasaweb.google.com/puneetinder/BharatDarshanEastGroup

http://picasaweb.google.com/puneetinder/BDEastGroup2#

Casino Sikkim

2010-03-18T21:11:00.005+05:30

BHARAT DARSHAN Part 2

Deep into inhospitable terrains and on windy, foggy roads I traveled: the airs, the peoples, the beauties, the marvels that I was witness to deserve a narrator much better than me in writing potence. Yet I give it a try.

I wish I had a laptop and a net connection at the various places I visited, for the people I met, the food I ate, and the roads I traversed can not be accurately described now after the end of Bharat Darshan (BD). Hence rather than following a chronological cycle, I shall narate just a few episodes of my journey deep into North East...

27th Feb onwards...

Our first stoppage post-Kolkata was Siliguri. The city is well connected to Kolkata by both road and rail. Though we travelled by rail, I would suggest any one going there to take an innova - since the beautiful landscape one sees on road travel is not one to be missed. From Siliguri station we were immediately escorted to Darjeeling - Queen of the Hills, so they say. The stay wasn't much eventful except that it helped us acclimatise for regions much colder and at much higher altitude we were set to begin.

A word of advice at this point: never directly drop in at a place of high altitude and extreme cold after being in a warm place for a long time. That was the case with the other group from NADT... they had directly gone off to Tawang after a flight from the academy. When we met them (after their descent from Tawang) they were "battle fatigued" and didnt give that good a feedback about Tawang.

Coming back to Darjeeling, a few musts are: Darjeeling tea, the first Tibetan refugee centre, and Darjeeling zoo that houses the endangered red panda. The Tibetan refugee centre was a moving picture of Tibetan struggle for independence. In my interaction with rustic Tibetan people involved in handicrafts, I came to know how politically well informed they were. But my interaction with Tibetan refugees was just the beginning of what would be a tour of political strife for autonomy, statehood, and even secession! All over Darjeeling you can find "WE WANT GORKHALAND" hoardings. All hotels and business places necessarily had the hoardings. It appears that they were compelled to do so by Gurung-led GJMM.

Talking of Gorkha gals, I found them simply the most beautiful of Indian girls I had ever seen then. This view was reinforced on reaching Kalimpong (a Gorkha student hub). Later when I would reach Sikkim I would realise that not the Gorkha but the Sikkimese girls are the most beautiful of Indian women. A few days later, in Tawang I would realise that Monpa not Sikkimese girls are the prettiest of all. But then, in Kohima, I would be damn confused and tired of beauty. That is the place wherein I would finally get enlightenment and liberation from the illusion of beauty. But before that, lets get back to sikkim.

CASINO SIKKIM

Sikkim, as you know, was a kingdom and an Indian protectorate after the end of colonial regime. It was only in 1975 that Sikkim was incorporated into India as a state after the India-Sikkim Treaty. This was made possible because in a plebiscite held in Sikkim about 99% people opted for integration with India. Possibly the high turnout was because the huge immigration of Nepali and Bihari people into Gangtok.

An interesting aspect of the treaty is that all the original citizens of Sikkim and their descendants are EXEMPT from any form of taxation from the central government. As a result, many things are extremely cheap in Sikkim. The duty on hard drinks being generally low in the North-East, I didnt have to touch cheap liquor ("RS") all through my trip, even though drinks that went down our throat would fill up a mini-Brahmaputra.

In Sikkim we stayed in the Royal Plaza, a hotel that boasts of being the first in whole of NE to provide 5-star facilities. The prime attraction of the Plaza is that it had a casino - Sikkim Casino. Before being to the casino I was under the perception that casinos don't just exist in India and one has to go to Nepal to get the OCEAN'S 11 feel. However, as I found out there were two casinos in Sikkim (the other belonged to Mayfair hotel group) and few in Goa too.

Sikkim Casino was not as glamorous as the ones of Las Vegas you see in Hollywood movies, nevertheless "jua" is always entertaining. There are so many games a guy can derive pleasure from, but none is as good as gambling. In the said casino, we found some heavyweights dealing in (and losing) huge sums of money. Neither did we government servants have that kind of money nor do we come from a background so as to take great risks. So at first we were reluctant. But then Sandhu, the juari in the gang hatched upon a plan. He collected 100 bucks from each one of us in the casino, thereby taking the total to 800 bucks. 100 bucks is something we are ready to lose and 800 bucks is reasonable enough to start playing Ratatouille. It was a beautiful idea: distribution of risks and collection of good amount from small players who wanted to play just for the fun of playing. I would call it the Gambling Mutual Fund Scheme!

At first we won. I could not believe it. Sandhu the Jat was a magician at gambling. But then he was after all a Jat. When we had 2000 bucks in our hand, we were in a mood to withdraw. But Sandhu was hell bent on playing on. That's what a real gambler is like. No wonder in the end we lost all the money. At a later time however, I got hold of some other chaps of my group and convinced them to invest in my Gambling Mutual Fund Scheme. I started out with 500 bucks but soon made 3600 bucks of it. Ahh! Is gambling the true calling of my life? I was never before this convinced about a career as I was at this point. I was so sure that I could make a living off gambling. It took some thousands lost in the same casino to bring me back to my senses.

Talking of senses, the casino was also responsible for driving my senses dumb. There was this beautiful Sikkimese girl in flashy traditional wear who made me go mad. It was like love at first sight. I looked at her. She looked at me. And there was love. Since the last time I fell in love I never thought that I would ever again fall in love. But as I found myself proved wrong yet again, I realised I was in love. But like all my earlier "love affairs", this time too I became dumb and acted weird when in her presence. I couldn't even ask her her name.

In the world of my dreams, this girl - this pretty beauty - had fallen madly in love with me. I was playing hard to get, but finally I yielded. Later we marry, have kids, fight over silly issues, and grow old together. By the time our grandkids interrupt my evening siesta, the RED group had already left Sikkim. And thus came to an end yet another love story of Smarak Swain. Short, yet tragic. What if I had stayed on for a few more days? What if I had the courage that Casino night to ask her her number? What if I had won millions in the casino that night? These are some questions that, O reader, will remain unanswered for all time to come.

Bharat Darshan begins...

2010-03-01T20:13:00.004+05:30

26th Feb, 2010
Nagpur- Kolkata

RED: Red book, red flag, red ideology, "My name is Red" by Orhan Pamuk, Red salam, Red Corridor

How to , rather what's the right way to start a tour of 15 days spanning some 10 places in north-east? The constraint we were placed with, owing to the austerity drive of Govt of India, was that we can have a flight just one way through. The "bunch" at my academy were divided into five groups to span the entire country. Of these, I had chosen North East -RED. Red because there were two groups going to North East: Red and Blue. NE-RED had decided to go by rail and be back by flight. This didnt go down with me initially because i wanted to be there -someplace out of Nagpur - as soon as possible.

Yet, my perspective changed once the journey began. When you are travelling long, always start with a rail or road trip. It gives a kick, a positive orientation towards travelling. Rail, to be specific, makes u started for the journey ahead. WHen there is a long journey to chart, across various terrains and various weather situations, better go for a swinging pleasure - that of rail travel.

Whole of 26th was lost in rail travel. But I would contend that it wasnt lost, rather gained. One, the day helped form a warm bonding in the group: its a group of 37, of batchmates who have been together all along yet dont know each other's likes and dislikes. On top of that, it warms one up with a game of 29 or bluff. Cards, I believe, are a good bond between pals.

The travel from Nagpur to Kolkata was the first strand of our travel... a long travel, spanning the whole of north-east. And it was a good deal. The right person - Ashok Gautam -was made the group leader. Assisted by Vikas and Mahajan, he was in resonance with needs of various group members. Luck I say. The right person was the group leader, for we got all along the trip grapes, tea, biscuits, and special meals from IRCTC's (who generally suck) pantry. This stuff was lined with an icing of cards, fellow passengers, and lively vegetation.

Talking of fellow passengers, Bhopal somehow got involved with a lady passenger. Attractive she was. And In-Form Bhopal was. Of course the Bunch had fun at his cost - asking him about bhabhiji and kids when he was busy "Flirting" (he contends it was just normal conversation with a fellow passenger :)). As for me, i bumped into a friend from grad days - Sanjeet Barnwal. We had quite some reminiscences and updates to share about

Apart from this, there was the Berth-turned-Bar which was made possible thanks to Moola's timely procurement of some teachers and some more reinforcement by Dora's cousin at Jharsuguda.

Disclaimer: This of course doesnt mean drinks, just party-type lighting and music in the train

Mr. GM Doss remains central to the group. Doss-the-boss is the coolest of faculty at the hoodlum i am tied to. Being the coolest of all, he stays supportive and understanding of what a all-mens-group will be upto. While i wont get into what exactly we were upto, his presence instills confidence. Taste this dialogue of his:

Do u like fish or are you like fish?

This is a man who's married (that too our course director who had asked the group leader to take care of him when we had left) and has kids, still is in students' mode. Doss sir has helped RED in developing its perspective, more as a catalyst rather than as an imposing boss.

After Kolkata next stoppage Darjeeling.

Doob’s road to enlightenment

2009-11-17T19:57:00.003+05:30

I

The day you stop learning, you stop growing. This thought of wise men in mind, Doob decides to actively participate in a management development module (MDM) being organized in his academy. Not just him, all probationers in his academy are excited about a reprieve from taxing subjects. All but Netty Pal, who is threatened by the fact that the module may make all one-fifty-three of them MBAs.
Day one. Doob is puzzled by the discourses of an IIM prof. What is reality? Nothing is reality. No one is real. All are perceptions. But if nothing is reality, then something is reality. If No One is real, then someone is real. This does not make sense. But there are more pressing issues to handle. He gets an immense urge to answer nature’s call. Already his neighbours at the auditorium are frustrated by his farts and urge him to answer the call. So he goes up to the Head, anti-bunking squad and asks his permission.
“Sir, can I go to my room to freshen up?”
“What about the lecture?”
“Sir it’s urgent”
“So what? It’s not real. It’s just your perception. Why is it that I cannot perceive your call? Because it’s not real”
“Sir, please. If you don’t let me, I will relieve myself here”
“So do it here”
“But sir... ”
“Don’t worry. I will clean it up. After all, trust me the outcome of your relieving yourself won’t be real”

II

The excitement with which Doob starts MDM is gone by the end of the day. In the next few days it seems like just another class. The good thing is that Doob was getting lots of sleep. The moment he came to class he put himself in a seat, a leg in another, and dozed off. A crisis seemed to emerge in day three. Doob was snoring off, his head freely resting on the back of the seat and his mouth wide open, as if in expectation of something delicious about to fall from the ceiling. Chacha Choudhary, of the anti-bunking team, wakes him up and does not let him sleep while the lecture continues. At the end of it, Head calls him up on the dias to answer for the misbehaviour. Thank God, he was not alone. In fact, so many were found sleeping with their mouth-wide-open-in-anticipation-of-something-from-the-sky that the audience fails to mark Doob on stage, and he is saved from the embarrassment. But the real turning point of the story happens on day four. It is also the day which the numerous followers of his religion world over will rejoice in festival and prayer for years to come.
Day four starts with a guest lecture by a neurosurgeon. The anti-bunking squad had been renamed by the board as Anti-Bunking, Anti-Sleeping, Anti-Roamingaroundincampus squad. From available rumours it seemed that a board member was continuously monitoring the movements of probationers from a control room in Delhi. Doob could have neither his way nor the highway. Trapped, he has no option but to listen to the prabachan. The neurosurgeon, however, makes sense to him. He asks thought provoking questions: who are you? What are you? What’s your identity? He further quotes a Sanskrit sloka:
Beham Naham
Oham Soham
I am not my body. Then who? The soul? I am not my body. My body is not me. Is that why many devout religious believers inflict so much pain on their body? Is that the secret of suicide bombers? And look, everyone here is so obsessed with his (her?) body that almost all morning activity sessions see hundred percent attendances.

The beauty of this guest speaker is that unlike all the teachers who have directed Doob to do what is right and defined what is right, he is not directional. Let the question be, who am I? The guest speaker warns the audience –don’t believe in atman, the soul, without finding the truth for yourself.
After his speech, the guest speaker takes all probationers to the badminton court. Why the badminton court? Doob gets suspicious. The morning activity had to be cancelled in the morning owing to heavy rains. This may be a conspiracy by the course team to make probationers do morning activity. He tries to slip away. Even though his life has been a life of running away from classes, he is a lousy one at that and finds himself face to face with the CD…
Morning activity is not as taxing as it always was. In fact, it seems fun when done in the afternoon. Further, some major changes have been happening in Doob during the yoga and pranayam practice done by the guest faculty at the badminton court. The program culminates with a suryanamaskaram (at two in the afternoon, in formals). Doob suddenly feels something very intense. There is light, blinding light. His body burns, momentarily. Then he sees the whole wide universe.
Am I Him? That cannot be… He is formless, and too wide to be restricted to a human body.
Then how is it that I can see everything. The Milky Way, white dwarfs, red giants, the Earth, people all around here. Is it an illusion? But then, there is no reality! Or wait… is there?
By the time the instructor says that all can rise, Doob realizes his vision. He is the Prophet. The mortal chosen to spread His word in this world of illusions. Buddha had received his enlightenment under a tree. Doob received it in a badminton court. Buddha had changed the way people saw things in his time. This age… belongs to Doob.
Anger. Greed. Sorrow. Happiness. All are Mithya. Income. Taxes on income. Posting. Deputation. Retirement. Everything is Maya.

III

Tea breaks in the academy are a time to crib. No other activity in the academy provides such a channel for cathartic release, and thereby mental stability as tea breaks. This is one such tea break, after the neurosurgeon’s session. A big circle has formed, and the topic today is time.
Sandhu: Yaar what is this? I hardly get any time these days. In four months I will be out of here, and I don’t still know half of my batchmates that well. Think what a shame it was when a friend called me up and asked me if I knew this guy who is studying with me here. I drew a blank.
Wasim: Hayn
Bunnu: Very true. And given the kind of information overload I don’t even gain anything from the classes.
Wasim: Hayn
Thokia: The problem is that I keep sitting on a chair for the major part of the day. After posting we are going to do the same all day. Ours is not a field job... just swimming over files. So why do it now? We should be doing some personality development.
Wasim: Hayn
There is a sensational feeling in all the people in the circle. A cool breeze blows, before Doob enters the circle. It is said that people can feel such pleasant sensations when an enlightened person is close by.
“What is the use of all this cribbing, my friends? This academy is full of people who cannot think beyond what there is. You should not be same. You should look beyond, at things that there are but cannot be seen. At things that matter. All this you talk about is Mithya. Its all Maya”
Sandhu: Tell me Doob, how much do I know about you. Just your name and nothing else. There is no group activity in this campus, no interaction. No life! I think the campus can be more vibrant than this.
“Don’t you know me?” Doob speaks, his words calm and confident “Look into yourself and you will find me. I, as you and as everyone here, is a part of Him. And why should you worry about not knowing anyone. No one is real. If you want to understand reality, try to know him. All these people, this service, this academy. All are illusions, Maya. All are farce. They have been placed here to hinder your search for Him”
“And what about the time we waste in classes. What about the information overload we can make no sense of?” Bunnu reasons.
“What about it? Why do you bother about the information at all. Classes are imparted to pollute your mind. The purest your mind is, the easiest it is to find God. Teachers and lecturers are agents of...” Doob stops, takes a deep breath, and whispers “Satan”
“They try to penetrate your minds and fill them with information of this world... unreal data that hinder your thought process. They manipulate your perceptions to such an extent that you don’t see the obvious. You don’t see the omnipresent God. So my dear friends, when in class utilize your time in meditation. Focus your concentration on Om... to such an extent that no tax law, no management module can pollute your thought process”
Doob goes on: about teachers and terrorists, and all other agents of Satan. By the time he ends he finds that the circle has vanished. Only a lone mess worker remained. He had actually just come by in curiosity when he saw the enlightened spirit’s discourses to an empty audience.
“Ah Pankaj. I know these kids will take time to understand. But you are smarter than them. You, who serves this whole community by feeding them, who toils in this heat to provide tea for their tea break, are a noble soul. And it is you I anoint my First Disciple. You will have the fortune of being the first to learn the truth from me”
Pankaj makes an excuse runs off to the mess.

IV

It is not that Doob has not sinned. He could not make it to a few morning activities and a few classes on time. Nor could he attend the compensatory classes allotted in the weekend for offenders. So now he is in his CD’s office. Usually he gets very frightened when in her room, but today he is calm. Calm and composed. He understands that for every action a man is answerable in this life, and in afterlife. Brave that he is, he is ready to face the consequences of his actions.
His calmness does not go down well with the CD. She gives him an earful of scolding, still Doob is unperturbed. Indeed, there is a divine smile on his face. She mistakes his serenity for arrogance and a challenge to her authority, and scolds him further.
“Ma’am, I understand. Let me tell you, your anger is misplaced. This world, all the people and you will be better off without anger. Anger is an illusion that brings negative thoughts to a person. I am sure you can do better. Let me reveal something to you, for you are the teacher I respect the most. I am His messenger on this planet. I am here to save this age, kali yug, from hatred and anger. I am here to wage a Jehad against teachers and terrorists; lecturers and lords of war. And I seek to enlist your help to spread the Almighty’s words on the planet. Even though you are a soldier in Satan’s army of teachers, I am ready to take you in as my Second Disciple, and disclose to you the great truth. For ages, people will take your name in the same breath as Mother Teresa”
“What?” CD shouts “How dare you talk nonsense with me. You think you are very smart, don’t you? You know what I can do with you? I can destroy...”
CD does not seem to be influenced by the idea of being immortalized as Mother T*****a. He raises his hands towards the ceiling, and looking up pleads “Oh God. Forgive her for she knows not what she is saying”

V

It is the last day of management development program, and Doob is more confused than ever. Is he supposed to be confused? After all he is the Prophet. God’s only messenger on Earth. An enlightened spirit is supposed to have clarity. Not just confused, he is afraid. He is afraid that he cannot spread His message. Till now he has made just one disciple, Pankaj. And even he seems to give more attention to his mess work than the search for truth. Pankaj gives a greater salute to the president of mess committee (that lost materialist traveller of life) than to Doob. Doob feels that he should get out of this artificial environment and retreat to the Himalayas for some time to get the clarity he needs. After all, did not all the great sages of India travel all the way there to experience the harmony of nature and Narayana?
Actually Doob had pleaded with Chacha Choudhary for a few days leave so that he can travel all the way to the Himalayas. Chachaji threw away his application. Have you gone mad? He had asked. Everyone seems to be asking him the same thing of late. What has happened to people? Doob decides that he cannot be thinking about small, petty things like the job, and his responsibility of assessing and collecting revenues for the government. Money is the greatest evil, and it is the pursuit of this illusion which misleads people. I cannot be this weak. Doob decides to retreat to the Himalayas, whatever be the consequences.
But before implementing his plans he decides to consult Netty Pal. Arguably the most learned of his batchmates, Netty Pal is after all an MBA. Even prophets have Gurus, Doob decides. He anoints Netty Pal as his Nutty Professor and asks him the biggest marketing secret: how can a prophet influence people and make followers? Unlike others Netty Pal does not call him crazy. He listens to Doob’s ideas and gives sincere nods now and then.
At last a sane man, Doob reasons to himself, I guess only wise men can appreciate me.
“I will give you a funda man” Netty tells after a long talk between the two “Geniuses don’t rule this world. Only people who can market themselves rule this world. You know what; I was not really threatened when the MDM was introduced here. You can do week long management course, you can spend two years in IIMs, yet you are not an MBA if you don’t know the secret. And that is something you can’t learn in a classroom”
“Yes, what is the secret?”
“Have you heard that quip –if you can’t baffle them with brilliance, dazzle them with bullshit. You must have seen some teachers in your life who teach quant to arts students, material physics to commerce students, and sociology to engineering students. Students always think that this guy is an expert. Reality is he is just an expert in marketing himself. He is a jack of all trades” Netty Pal reasons “Let me tell you what... I have got a good business plan. We will project you as a Prophet. You will go places and give discourses. And our trust will get millions in donation. You don’t worry about the marketing part... I will build your brand”
Doob gives a vacant, puzzled look.
“How is this for a punchline –Doob Baba, more than a Godman: a Prophet. Come, solve all your problems”

VI
Epilogue

It is a tense atmosphere in the board room. Whole course team and architect of MDM have been flown in from the academy.
“What do you think this will do to the image of our service?” shouts a board member “Now the IAS lobby will make fun of us. Our restructuring plans will be thawed for at least two years now. This is for the first time in the history of Indian bureaucracy that a probationer has gone mad”
“Sir actually it was not us. I think the MDM went into his head” one CD reasons.
“Yes sir. That was when he started talking all sorts of rubbish. That was when it all began” the other CD adds.
The MDM Architect is not ready to lie down and take all blame. “Sir may I point out that there are too many extraneous variables in here. We cannot draw a cause-effect relationship. And if you care to calculate the probability of the MDM being the one of many variables leading to his retardation, you will find a value not more than 0.00492471. May I present to you a risk assessment model that clearly states that the seeds of madness were planted much before?” Architect says and immediately brings up on screen a flashy presentation full of puzzling flow charts.

Orissa or Odisha?

2009-11-06T19:15:00.003+05:30

I have been hearing this for the last three years: Orissa is to be renamed as Odisha. That Orissa is being renamed is accurate news (it was one of the flashy agendas of Naveen Patnaik's government) but when was Orissa renamed? I have been hearing that Orissa has been renamed since 2006, without any confirmation. Even when I was preparing for my civils interview, I found conflicting evidences on whether Orissa or Odisha is the official name of the state! Most state government websites referred it to as Orissa, while a few had converted to Odisha-regime. Of course I understand how perplexing it must be for a bureaucracy to change the name of the very state they work for, but still there was no final confirmation till recently.

Now that the change has happened, people outside Orissa perceive this as a real change of name, just like Bombay became Mumbai and Madras became Chennai. The fact is, this change is NOT a change of name, just a change of spelling. Ever since I had the sense to understand that my home state's name is Orissa, I have been pronouncing it as ODISHA, not ORISSA. The name of the land is derived from the word "Udra", which was a big totemic clan of the region. When the English came to India, they could not pronounce ODISHA (odiya accent is unusually accent even among Indian languages). So they pronounced it as ORISSA. Similarly, our language is ODIYA, but it was pronounced by English administrators as ORIYA. Since the first few English documents on Odisha were written by English administrators, they continuously spelt it as Orissa. And the language was consistently spelt as Oriya.

Now this is not a problem, is it? After all "colonel" is pronounced as CORNEL, not COLONEL. In English, if "to" is pronounced as TWO, then "go" is pronounced as GO, not GUH. The problem is that we Indians (and foreigners for that matter) usually pronounce an Indian city/ state's name as it is spelt. So while Orissa was pronounced as ODISHA in Orissa, it was pronounced as ORISSA by outsiders. It is for the convenience of all -sons of the soil and outsiders -that the spelling was changed. The name was never changed!

Hawala Times

2009-07-28T18:29:00.003+05:30

These are taxing times. Ever since I joined National Academy of Direct Taxes, it has been so. I am the kind of person who believes in peace maro. So this study-training-attachment schedule of last 7-8 months did not go down well with me. Biggest of all problems was that I have scant interest in finance. On top of that I was training in income tax, one of the most challenging streams of applied finance.

But now the case is different. Its different because now I am getting a real feel of the job I am going to do. All this happened when I started working on my NALSAR Law project. As per a tie-up between NALSAR and NADT, we have to submit a project to the university to get a Masters degree in Taxation and Business Law -which supposedly is a sought after course. Arbitrarily I chose Hawala as my research field, and started getting into the depths of it.

It is only now that I get to understand the real depth of my job. My job is more mathematics and psychology (both subjects I love) than law and finance. The world of finance is full of black money, dirty money, tax evasion, and terror financing. My job as an assistant commissioner will be to maximize the income of government treasury and minimize tax evasion. For this I need to understand the psyche of taxpayers, mostly big taxpayers who shy away from paying the tax that is used by government in providing necessary amenities and services. For this I need to interpret patterns in books of accounts. Once an assessing officer (ACIT) understands patterns, he can easily locate where the businessman evades tax. Then starts investigation. After that follow tax additions, penalties, and even prosecution. I can imprison a regular offender of income tax!

But what fascinates me most is Hawala. Hawala helps me appreciate the big games played in the world of finance; the cat and mouse game of regulators and financers of drugs, organised crime, and terrorism. At the same time, Hawala is like the two faced Greek God Janus. It has its own utility for economic development of developing countries (surprised?) and for poor migrants. The challenge is to differentiate between White Hawala and Black Hawala. While black hawala is layered in a complex money laundering process to finance illegal and criminal activities, black hawala is an important remittance system serving developing countries.

Be the flirt

2009-07-16T16:41:00.006+05:30

Till a few years back I faced a big social disability -it was tough for me to be comfortable when talking to girls. In a way this is a problem with many techies in India, with such skewed sex ratio in engineering colleges. And I did my grad from a place with near zero sex ratio: IIT Kharagpur. In a way this social disability starts much earlier. In schools and colleges in conservative places girls always move together in groups, sit together and eat together during recess.

But that was a different time. Today girls acknowledge, even complain, that I am a big flirt. Without ego or pride I would like to say that yes I am. Of course I haven't reached the level where you can bring orgasm to a girl just by talking to her, but still I am not bad.

Myths and Realities

It is said that flirting is an art. Yes and no. Flirting is both a science and an art. It is a science because there are some basic strategies that flirts use. It is an art because every woman is a piece of art. Everytime you flirt with a woman you flirt with a different person with different thoughts, different figure, and different looks. Hence a good flirt has to adjust his flirting for every girl.

Some people consider flirting in a negative sense. According to them flirting is a strategy to manipulate girls and ultimately to take her to bed. Its an unfair game in which the ones who are genuine but do not know flirting lose out. In the movie Bachna Ae Haseeno, Randhir Kapoor is the charming hero who sweeps every woman off her feet, uses her, then ditches her. Kunal Kapoor, on the other hand, has genuine feelings but can't get his wife's love because he can't express himself. At one point he accuses Randhir of using girls and leaving them hurt just because he has flirting skills. Such movies reinforce the negative perceptions of flirts. Flirting can be dangerous. A good flirt can make a girl fall in love with him in minutes. Not every girl, but the teenage girl who hasn't seen much of the world. And a girl in love is in danger. She can do anything for the man she loves.

So now I introduce the concept of ethical flirting. Filrting is defined in Wordweb as "Talk or behave amorously, without serious intentions". I contradict. Flirting is about making a girl feel special. It is about giving genuine compliments to a girl. women are the most beautiful things on this planet. Every woman is beautiful in her own way. An ethical flirt understands this. He knows that if he is in the company of a girl he is lucky to be in the company of that girl. And in return for her company he should let her know how special she is.

Another myth: either you are a born flirt or you are not a flirt. There is nothing like a born criminal or born genius or born hero (even Harry Potter was marked by Voldie after his birth) or a born flirt. Yes its true not everyone can learn the art of flirting. Not everyone can learn the art of drawing or singing; similarly not everyone can perfect the art of flirting. But if you can learn to express yourself to the one woman who matters, you are not a bad flirt.

As regards the art, it comes with practice. But for practice you need exposure to girls. Because of the deprived social conditions in schools and colleges many people avoid girls. Girls are an altogether different species who arouse anxiety; so you avoid them. What's the use? There is just one problem: you got to marry a girl. But in Indian society even that is not a problem: mom makes my food, mom has stitched my dress, mom has helped me choose my career, mom will get me a woman. Many who have the potential to be great flirts do not get a chance to be so because they do not give themselves the opportunity.

Be a flirt, if not for yourself at least for the women in your company. They deserve the best.

The science of flirting

This is addressed to Mr Dummy. To be a flirt, first make some assumptions and believe in them. Girls are dumb, and there are no exceptions. This is not empirically proved and this need not be true. But it should not stop you from assuming so. Why I ask you to believe in this otherwise sexist statement is because it will increase your confidence, your self-efficacy. If you think a girl is sophisticated or smarter you have already lost half the battle. This is mostly the case with small town guys in relation to city girls. You see a babe in funky dresses and parlour make up who speaks good english and walks like a model and you immediately think: she is way out of my league. So remember dummy. Girls are dumb. You are a dummy. They are never out of your league.

Now some guidelines as to how to start flirting (remember, this is not exhaustive):

Every woman is beautiful. Not everyone realises that. Read my blog on maals and you will know how derogatory men's attitude can be towards a girl who does not look attractive. Problem is in our society atttractiveness is measured by how fair, or how slim a girl is. This will take you nowhere. Look closely at a girl and you will find a hundred positives about her. And you can do so only if you have that kind of attitude.

Start appreciating things. Things include everything around. Appreciate the beauty of nature, of the busy city road you travel, of the grocery store owner, of cute old people. If there are positive vibes coming out of you it means you have a charming personality. Secondly it will help you appreciate things. To be an ethical flirt you first need to appreciate the girl. Some people have the art of lying, but most are not convincing liars. Besides this blog is about ethical flirting.

Be expressive. Try to be frank. When talking to a girl, take liberties. And stop thinking what she would think of what you say. If she does not take something in a light spirit explain your perception to her. She would appreciate your frankness if she understands you. You have to make her understand you.

Make her comfortable. Now this is not possible if you yourself are not comfortable. To be comfortable you need to be confident. No fumbling business here. Again stop worrying about what she thinks about you. She is keenly watching your body language. So be confident, be yourself. This is an area in which even I lack. But if you can make her feel comfortable you can talk just about anything with her.

Depth. Oh yes girls like depth. No generalization but girls, even the ones who don't understand what depth is, prefer guys with depth in them. So talk to them about issues you strongly feel about. If you have had a former relationship do mention it. Exaggerate yourself as the victim who loved but did not get love in return. This has multiple utilities:

1. You show her depth of your feelings

2. She pities you

3. Now that she knows your history (which is actually your version of your history) she thinks she understands you.

Look into her eyes. Now I am moving on to behavioural aspects of flirting. It is said that eyes are the route to a person's soul. I am not the kind of person who believes in that soul crap, but then, most flirts talk a lot about soul. If you believe in soul try to search for it in the girl's eyes. And appreciate her eyes if they are worth appreciating. Does it remind you of someone? Do you see your reflection in those eyes? Do you find the eerie? Yeah even if you find her eyes eerie or frightening do tell her. A flirt can romanticize anything and everything. You still make her feel special. She is the witch who has flown into your life on a magic broom. She may be a boon or curse. Only time will tell. By telling this you foster a special relation with her that of witch and the bewitched.

Your eyes. You are not good at words? So what, you can still be a flirt. Your eyes convey a lot. If you have seen Unbearable lightness of Being, you would know how Daniel Day-Lewis influences women just by looking at them. Flirting is just about appreciating a woman without being ashamed of it. Have you looked a girl closely from head to heel? Take her on a walk and gaze at her. Look what effect this has on her. You make her feel that she is the only thing worth looking at in this wide world. And trust me, you don't have to act. You can look at a woman for hours, yet won't get tired. Her nose, those lips, the hair, that figure, her fingers damn all of it you can keep watching for long hours.

Timing. With girls timing always matters. This again is a weak area for me. Must say I have an average sense of humour, but am little slow. So witty comments aren't my piece of cake. Another arena where timing matters is in doing dirty talk. Girls are way open to dirty talk than we think, but there is a timing to it. When you talk dirty with a girl for the first time, she needs high comfort level and lots of privacy. After the first time she is generally comfortable.

PJs. Girls like, nay love, poor jokes. Sorry, this is not just a stereotype but also a sexist accusation. So pals you find out for yourself. But if your girl loves PJs you don't really need that sense of humour she wants in her man. What she calls sense of humour is actually sense of cracking pathetic jokes. Perhaps that's why PJ king Vaibhav Jain is more popular among girls than you are.

Attitude towards women. The female gender has been an oppressed and deprived section of society for a long time. Since birth they have been treated differently from boys. They always have a lingering question in their mind: why these double standards? Owing to this common sentiment, women usually identify with issues of the female gender in society. So when you talk about dowry, rape, molestation, eve teasing etc show some sensitivity. A girl might make some funny remark about rape or working women, but don't you fall into that trap. Show some concern (need not be genuine).

I will be adding some more guidelines later. Remember these are just guiding forces that my gurus told me about flirting, and those that I found useful. That's why flirting is a science. There is a way to go about it. But to be a really good flirt, you need to develop that art.

The art of flirting

Now dude this is where I cannot help you. Let me tell you why with an example:

You look like a dream

Now if a guy tells this to a girl what does it mean? A girl is a girl. She is made of flesh and has eyes, hands, legs, a pair of... you know; and a dream. Its a dream. It is in your head. How can you compare a girl with a dream? That is what I used to wonder on a friend's favourite pick up lines. This is where you go abstract. A person cannot be romantic and realistic at the same time. A romantic person necessarily has to be abstract. Because he is abstract he can see the connection between a dream and a girl; or a girl's eyes and the deep blue sea; or her forehead and the wide sky.

Regarding the art of flirting I have just one advice for you. Be indulgent and exaggerate. A good story writer, it is said, is one who writes reality. But then what makes him good? He exaggerates facts to make it fiction. Similar is the case of a good flirt. He marks those little things that a girl does, appreciates them, thinks about them, and exaggerates them.

So dude, be the flirt...

The traveller

2009-07-02T22:35:00.001+05:30

Two lines from a translation of Tagore poetry:

"we may travel the world

but we never had the time to appreciate the beauty of the dewdrop in our own doorstep"

Thanks to Tanya for the translation

No Woman, No Cry

2009-06-29T23:49:00.005+05:30

Well, this is a poem that occured to me while I was listening to Bob Marley the other day. You must have heard his masterpiece No woman, No cry. This poem, may I say, came to me while I was trying to get to Marley mood

No woman, no cry

Neither stress, nor tears

No woman, no cry

No bloody hangovers

But then life's so dry

Void and lonely

Not a soul to pry

Just an obligation to live

I did try

Mister Marley I did

Booze and joint, what not

Still this dry

Bloody lemme cry

Let me pay the price

2009-06-19T18:24:00.002+05:30

There is this girl

A sort of contradiction

Angelic-sweet

She is any man's temptation

The witch has cast such a spell

She has become an addiction

Her care overwhelms me

So does her unflinching devotion

What I fear is

She holds the keys to my annihilation

I blog, therefore I am

2009-06-11T17:47:00.011+05:30

Cogito ergo sum, roughly translated into 'I think, therefore I am' is a 'explanation for it all' by French philosopher Rene Descartes. So powerful is the statement as a philospohical construct that it is considered a foundational element of Western philosophy. So what does it mean? This statement is an explanation to a 'chicken came first or egg came first?' type question.

The question is, what holds primacy: mind or matter? I think, therefore I am. "I think" implies that I have a consciousness. Since "I" can think, it means an "I" exists. That is, my self ("I") exists because of my consciousness. Hence, my thought defines who I am. I, as a human being, derive my identity from my thoughts (There is a design start-up company by the name ITTIAM, short for I Think Therefore I AM. How appropriate! Even a corporate house can't exist in a competitive market if it doesn't think and innovate!).

Online Identity

The World Wide Web is a virtual world. In the real world, you are (lets say) an Indian by nationality, an Oriya by mother tongue, a Hindu by religion, an atheist by belief, a bureaucrat by profession and so on. These are all your identities in the real world. Similarly you can take up many identities in the virtual world. However, your identity on the internet can be different from your identity in the real world. While in real life you are a guy, you can pose as a hot girl desperate for a screw on a chat forum and have sex chat with other online identities.

Anonymity is a singularly powerful tool of the world wide web. The WWW is the most utopian world; it is an egalitarian world in which all people have the same status. There are no divisions on the basis of race, caste, creed, or religion. On top of that, there is absolute freedom of speech.

This doesn not mean that there is no inequality in cyberworld. But inequality in cyberworld is not inequality of money, or power, or family prestige but inequality of intellectual rigour. Your ideas define who you are in the internet. For example, suppose you are in a mathematics forum under the username 'Einstein2009' and you are fundoo in solving problems, it doesnot matter to other forum members if you have never gone to college. They know you as Einstein2009, who is a smart mathematician.

So how do you construct an online identity? Its damn easy, and there are many mediums to do so. You can sign in to yahoo chat and start making friends in any chat lounge. You can select your name, gender, religion, race, qualifications (unless the one you chat with is an expert in the subject you claim to have mastered) and profession. Even if you decide to go by your own name and real world identity, your virtual 'self' is not the same as your real 'self'. Cyberpsychologists have found out that e-personality of a person is vastly different from his normal personality, mostly because face-to-face interaction is absent and people are less inhibited.

Another medium is that of forums. Search in google and you will find forums on practically all subjects that can be discussed. There are forums for bikers, gamers, writers, musicians etc. These forums usually cater to specific interests, and so the online existence of a person in these forums usually manifests an unidimensional personality. Contrary to forums are games like "second life" where one can develop a new all-round personality. In second life, one can start a new life afresh. You can select how you look (its a 3D game... so you can select the best biceps for yourself), even your profession. You can date another virtual character (who is another real person you don't know personally), marry her, cheat on her by having sex with the neighbour, get a divorce, pay alimony etc.

Well, now we come down to the topic I had started out with: blogs. Blogs are another tool of online existence, and perhaps the best means to make your presence felt online. Blog means web log. It is like an online diary you can write on, and let others access it. Blogs have become very popular these days, primarily for the reason that it allows people to share their ideas with others. Previously, the only means to express yourself was the print media which was regulated by professionals. If your writing is not considered up to the mark, or if it caters to very selected audiences, it is rejected by newspapers and magazines. But blogs are powerful tools to reach your target audience directly.

Why I blog?

My online existence is primarily through my blog. I also have a presence in social networking sites such as Facebook and Orkut, but with blogs its different. I am a contemplative person, and I think a lot. My blog posts are an expression of my thoughts. I have blogged about my pet peeves, how I felt when I did not get my desired rank in civil services, my opinion on my new bike Helena, and a hell lot of issues. So in a way my blogs are a projection of my personality, my attitudes. By using syllogism we can state that,

Blogging is how I think in cyberspace (major premise)

I think, therefore I am (minor premise)

-------------------------------------

I blog, therefore I am in cyberspace (conclusion)

IBTIAM (I Blog, Therefore I AM) is a philosophical idea I use to explain why I blog. But there is more to it than this. I have always believed that I have a lot in my head to express. There are many means to express -some use the paintbrush, some the camera, and some the pen to express themselves. I use the pen to express myself. And I have been writing since I was in secondary school. At first, I used to write light, funny poems. These were appreciated by my parents, teachers, and classmates. But I always desired a bigger audience. I guess that is why there is a craving in most writers to get published... I tried hard to get published in children's magazines like Champak and Gokulam. But to no avail. I guess my writings were not good enough after all.

Till I was in third year in my engineering undergraduation I did not have a single published story or poem. In fact it is tough to find many magazines in India publishing stories. Among the widely circulated magazines, only Alive and Women's Era publish stories. Science Reporter encourages science fictions. And I don't write the genre of short stories they publish. But I had this immense desire to write, and be read. So I started blogging. And I have been blogging ever since. My blog has been quite a success, given that I get many comments from strangers, and my blog has an above average viewership (known from Google Adsense data on page impressions). I have been told that my blog is the most popular blog among UPSC aspirants who are active in cyberspace. I have made many friends online... some of whom I have met and they are now real friends too.

In a way, my blog is an autobiography. I am not a great leader, or a film star. After I cease to exist historians will not be amused by my life, nor will students study me for inspiration. Nevertheless I believe every life is interesting and mine is no less extraordinary. My blog shall remain after me, as snapshots of the story of my life.

A detailed discussion on the way blogging has influenced us, one must check out wikipedia's take on it. I would like to discuss just one other utilitarian value. Blogging is a powerful exercise in therapy. Psychoanalysts believe that when psychic energy gets build up in the mind, it leads to mental instability and anxiety. The psychic energy can be discharged by cathartic release of the energy. By self-expression, bloggers dissipate their psychic energy. For example, suppose you have strong emotional feelings on a sensitive issue. You can't talk about it to anyone since it is a sensitive issue. So you create an anonymous blog and release your pent up anger by writing about your feelings.

Blogs, Books, and Blooks

In every field, you will find puritans and cynics. If Karan Johar makes masala movies catering to NRI tastes, critics wonder how could he be audacious enough to make such movies. The world of books is no different. When Chetan Bhagat came up with three books, all bestsellers, the critics came down heavily on him. Personally I did not like any of his books (I believe I have reviewed one of his books in an earlier blog entry) but criticizing it to the point of calling it a literary disaster is being cruel and conservative. He has a strong fan base who enjoy his writing, then who are we to complain? He himself has been at pains in many interviews making it clear that he doesn't write rich literature and does not pretend to do so.

The Gen-X has no patience for books. You give them a Salman Rushdie with beautifully crafted words and they will throw it into the dustbin. In deed, a fact we must recognize is that there is vast diversity in tastes and interests of those who read. Can publishers cater to such diverse tastes and interests? No. They are not here for charity... the publisher goes for the writer who can cater to a majority of audience, or can win him some prizes in international competitions. So what is the solution? Blogs, of course.

Blogs give immense creative freedom to the writer. And the good thing is that it does not have to pass through puritans. I was once a member of a short story forum which did not allow the usage of hindi words, or SMS lingo in writing. One lady had contributed a poem in Hinglish to the forum, and she had to face the music. They warned her that she may be kicked out if she did not follow the rules. 'Rules' in creative writing?!

Blooks are books based on blogs. Most of the blooks written till date are based on journalistic blog. A few have been bestsellers. I hope more blooks on diverse issues are published in the future so that blog writing can be widely read in print also.

May be shez a babe, not a monster

2009-05-20T21:48:00.002+05:30

The naked monster is how the Yamaha chaps market her... lekin anyone gives a glance and the look is same as that when you see a hot chick on the road. And the good thing about it is that I ride her! Yeah, on second thoughts, I think my FZS is a teriffic combo of masculinity and feminity; of ruggedness and delicacy; of cool looks and sexy curves. And just look at her figure... shez a perfect 36-24-36. Ya definitely she has the best of both, but I think shez a girl. Her adayen, her nakhren, and her jalwe are all indicative of her she-ness.

Shez my babe.

Lord of the Streets

2009-05-14T01:19:00.009+05:30

Ok. Hot news. Too hot to handle.

Today (that is on 13th of May, 2009... it's already past midnight, so may be its 14th when I am writing) I picked a bike from Yamaha Motors. Yamaha FZS belongs to the FZ: Lord of the Streets series. This bike is specifically referred to as the naked monster due to its damn good looks. Its a masuline bike and makes a bold, sporty statement.

I had a choice between FZ-16 and FZ-S. Both bikes have the same engineering and specifications; the difference lies in the looks. FZS comes in two beautiful colours well juxtaposed, the tyres have coloured rims, and the speedometer has a beautiful cover. There are two colour combinations in FZS segment: one yellow-black and another red-silver. I have taken the yellow-black one. The rear tyre is thick... thick as in it gives an enhanced look to the bike.

Now something about FZS, something more than just the looks. It is unlike any other bike in Indian streets. The bike runs smoothly, just like a gearless Activa. Gear change is also very smooth. Though it isn't as powerful as other bikes in the price range it belongs to (only 153 cc in the 80k price range) it has good pick up and gives the best experience for city roads. The petrol tank that you can see isn't actually

the tank, rather it is a fibre cover. That's why it looks voluminous. Further, there are many advantages of having a fibre cover over the tank, other than the killer looks. The petrol that evaporates from tank is less. This makes this bike especially good to beat Nagpur heat. Further, if there are any scratches, or if there is an accident, the fibre can be replaced at a cheap price.

Its a new generation bike. All indicators are electronic and get info from sensors. Feedbacks I read on the net indicate that the speedometer tends to show incorrect readings after sometime (I hope the feedbacks are exceptions rather than the norm).

I will shortly be posting a few pics of the bike here... till then help me give him (her?) a name. I have been brainstorming on a name all night. And hey, there is an interesting post on naming a bike:

http://bikefantasy.blogspot.com/2007/03/naming-your-bike.html

Writer's Block

2009-05-03T11:40:00.002+05:30

Wikipedia: Writer's block is when somebody gets a temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity. Writer's block can also be a hindrance even when the writer feels that they already have a story in mind but can get no further than part of that story.

Yeah, am suffering from what they call the writer's block. I haven't penned a single story in about two years. The last story I had penned was in late 2007. In that story, 'the occultist', I had experimented with the style of writing of Manoj Das. While I wasn't quite satisfied with the final outcome, it did manage to get good feedback from my friends. Since then, not even a single short story. I have also had ideas on writing an experimental novel, or novella but such plans don't fructify when you have a busy training schedule. Also, I believe I need to first evolve as a writer before going for writing novels.

I think what I lack most now is ideas. I don't have any core ideas to develop. I have a way with words, and can weave an interesting story around ideas. The problem is, of late I am not getting many good ideas. I guess rather than waiting for ideas to come to me I should go out and interview friends about anything interesting in their life. It is said that fact is more weird than fiction... why then can't fact form the basis of fiction?

Got any ideas? Any past history close to your heart? Do tell me...

Burnt, burning, boiling... caprices of upsc

2009-04-29T01:09:00.009+05:30

Disclaimer (posted on 4th May, 2009): It seems that when a friend was very confidently stating that I haven't got any rank, he was wrong. I did manage to get 309 rank this yr...

The verdict is out... I haven't managed to get any rank this year in civil service exam. First it came as a shock. How come no rank?? That too after months of hype surrounding me: some said I was one of the highest scorers in mains, some pegged my socio and psycho scores unrealistically high, some put my name up on orkut as one of the expectant top 10s, and most ppl around me pulled my legs all these days.

This reminds me of the song sabka katega... sahi mein! In truth big time kata hai mera. The thing is I wasn't supposed to expect much. I was careless during the mains, and was way too casual during my interview, in a zeal to give the interview with a flair. Point is, I enjoyed the process, managed to write a book on Psycho, and enrolled for a masters degree in Socio.

Failure: Its highs and lows

When I got to know of the results, first my heart sank. A few minutes later I went into introspection mode. I wondered, why I was so sad? I have fallen in love with IRS and the lifestyle, the balance of personal and professional life in it. I despise decision-making, am not good at handling crises, and prefer a chill life. In deed, I had decided that if I get IAS this time around, I will give this issue a serious thought before taking the plunge into DMship. So this wasn't really a reason for me to feel sorry.

Then some things became clear. I felt bad because I had failed. The smart, brilliant, creative Mr. Smarak Swain, his narcissistic self, couldn't accept the fact that he failed. It was, for sure, a shock to my self-concept. When I cleared IIT JEE in the very first attempt, when I swept through every scholarship test (NTSE etc stuff, whose certis my mom still preserves), what is this?! Well, this is UPSC. Sabka baap hai. And it helped me taste the bitter sweet taste of failure. Kudos to UPSC.

After getting the news, I called up most friends in my friends' list and gave them the news. While what I wanted to do was just talk, their consoling words in fact took me to a new low. So I went to sleep. After waking up, I am feeling great. This is, I guess, the high of failure. The high after a low.Understanding and appreciating the fact that you aren't invincible, that some things are meant to be, and that some destinies are written and preordained.

Need to take a decision

I have always seeked variety in life. In a way this is an escapist attitude. Ever since I graduated, I haven't been in any place for long. This is because I never wanted to take a career decision. I got a pre-placement offer from Tata Steel. So I didn't sit for campus placements, and joined Tata Steel. There I wasn't sure what to do further and mother was insistent that I prepare for civil services. I liked my preparation days, but who the heck doesn't want to get out of there as soon as possible. I, luckily, had a short stay there. I am enjoying my days here at National Academy of Direct Taxes (NADT) but only the campus life, not anything related to income tax. Unconsciously, I want to get out.

WHY? Well, perhaps because I don't want to give my career a serious thought. I have always wanted to be a writer; am also interested in movie-making. But if I need to work towards it, this is the time to start. Had I got into IAS, and had opted to join the service, I would have delayed this decision by 4-5 years. And till I become serious about my real calling in life, I won't be happy with any other job.

And for the time being...

For the time being, I will have to spend another year in Nagpur. I intend to live in style here. So am going to buy a bike... have short-listed yamaha FZ, Karizma, n Stunner. Now at least I have something to stay busy: choosing the right bike

Margarita Margarita

2009-04-22T08:28:00.010+05:30

When the boss cracked me

Hurt my esteem and pride

When depression was hovering at large

And I was full of self doubt,

The only solace was Margarita

Margarita Margarita

When she ditched me

That bitch

When my heart cried

And I needed a shoulder to cry on

The only shoulder I got was of Margarita

Margarita Margarita

When I got tired of this rat race

When I couldn't take it no more

And the only other alternative

Was to retire to the woods

I chose Margarita

Margarita Margarita

When life seemed meaningless

And I couldn't find a purpose

To live on

I got something to live for

I got Margarita

Margarita Margarita

PS: Margarita is a wonderful cocktail I tasted yesterday at ZinQ in Dr. Vikram's party. It is tequila shaken with ice and lime juice. It was then that I composed this poem at Dora's request

Book Cover

2009-04-19T18:30:00.001+05:30

Well, I had started writing my book on Psychology paper 2 based on UPSC civil service exam syllabus back in November last year... it took me around a month, and nearly 2 more months to fine tune the things. It is finally coming out in the month of May, after preliminary exams. New Vishal Publications is publishing it. I have just completed designing the cover page... chk it out:
I got this pic from a logo of an Americal university's psycho dept. Puneet got it edited by his brother to give it the present look.

The Assessee cribs

2009-04-05T12:46:00.000+05:30

For every paisa I earn

You tax me a rupee

Every pie of which impinges me as a thorn

But I can’t help it. Your IT Act

Is so full of jargon that not a thing I can discern

Or complain about

Can you feel my heart burn

While I file my tax return?

There is no income you spare

Neither saving nor expenditure

Gift, wealth, and fringe benefits

Entertainment, shares and debenture

True, there are exemptions

Some income from agriculture

But you even compute that

To put me in a higher tax slab

There also are certain deductions

On conditions that I insure

But if I need an insurance policy

It’s against your torture

You leach!

As if my purse and blood weren’t enough,

You barge into my house,

To conduct surveys, search and seizure

An ACIT recites...

2009-04-02T16:24:00.006+05:30

Since an academy magazine is coming up during valediction of the senior batch, I was trying today in class to jot down some light hearted poem on Asst commissioners of IT. What came up wasn't good, reinforcing the fact tht u can't write a poem with the goal of getting it published somewhere. whenever i hav written a good poem, it has come spontaneously to me. so i hav decided for good not to contribute to the academy magazine. however, i am putting it up in my blog so as to remind myself in future how bad i can be whn not writing something frm the head, not heart. The poem goes as under:

Gentlemen,
Pay up your tax

Now I am just ringing
A warning bell
But on non-compliance,
I will make your life a hell
Don't be under a perception
That I don't know where you dwell
Where your accounts lay hidden
Which cabinet and which underground cell

I have nailed many evaders
If you don't want to get the nail,
Pay up!
Or be ready to go to jail
And given the meticulous paperwork of my department
You will be running from pole to post for bail

So gentlemen, don't you relax
Under a perception that I am not observing
I am always there, with an axe
Aimed at the back of your neck
Pay up your tax

The second UPSC interview

2009-03-30T20:46:00.007+05:30

Same city. Same place. Same time of the day. Separated by a year.

Exactly a year after my first upsc interview, I was standing again in front of Dholpur house. A host of other aspirants, in smart formals and charming sarees, were roaming around in front of the front gate. Many were reading newspapers, a few deep in discussions, almost all tense, and those not tense trying real hard to suppress their anxiety. The date was 28th of March 2009.

Nothing had changed. It is fondly said that nothing changes in the bureaucracy, and being the cradle to the bureaucracy upsc is least expected to change. Well then, something has changed about me since my first interview (click here). Due to sheer luck I managed to get an interview call in my very first attempt, and the interview board was generous enough to give me 210. It all seemed to happen by a master strategy to some benevolent divine being, considering the fact that none other than Prof. DP Agrawal had presided over my board last year.

As a result of the multiple twists of fate today I am in the Indian Revenue Service, and confused as usual. I didn't have any specific hunger, or zeal to strive for a good performance this year. Am not desperate to get into the IAS. This had brought in me the nothing to lose airs in me. Yes, this year the interview happened in a much different than it was last year. I was cool, free of anxiety, and confident: in deed slightly reckless. This time around my primary motivation of giving an interview was to have the experience... to feel the thrill of being interviewed by an upsc panel. I was there to enjoy every moment of it.

* * * *

I got Mr. Nirbhay Sharma's board. I wasn't especially pleased about it. I was hoping to get Purushottam Agrawal or Parveen Tahla who are known to take stress interviews, or Prof. Balaguruswamy who makes you do some weird activities (and gives a chocolate as consolation in case he decides to give you 75 out of 300). You see, I was searching for excitement. Anyways, a retired lieutenant-general from the indian army will be no less fun. So with an AK-47 in hand, I was fully prepared to dash in and shoot all board members down.

Well, that may be an exaggeration. I walked in with style and poise, as a class 1 gazetted officer is expected to do. I had a confident gait, and had put on a bold attire. I was in my best suit, a slimfit reid & taylor black made specially for me, and a cool red tie to contrast over my white shirt. To speak in brief, I was nirbhay (meaning fearless) when I walked in.

"Why have you come in a suit in this heat?" that was the first question Nirbhay Sharma asked me.
"Because sir, I feel good when I look smart"
Oops! Did I cross the line in the very first minute of mu interview? All other board members laughed out at this, but Nirbhay boss didn't seem to be impressed. May be he saw through my act and understood that I had anticipated the question and had come prepared.

After this the interview went on predictable lines. I was grilled on many issues. Most questions were opinion based, and the panel members touched on wide-ranging issues ranging from India's Myanmar policy to underdevelopment in Kalahandi. I would like to narrate one googly thrown at me that I couldn't defend against. To the question why IAS over other services, I said that it is because of the kind of managerial responsibility one gets at a very young age that motivates to go for it. A DM heads some 40-50 departments in a district and gets to experience lot of diversity (and this wasn't untrue. My first preference last year was IFS and I had changed over to IAS this year as much because of convictions as because of parents' preferences).

Nirbhay sir is a smart man. Immediately he catches the word 'young age' and asks me: "Giving so much responsibility to a young man is akin to giving lots of power also. Don't you think a person with much experience, expertise, and specializations will do better in the role?"

This was the googly. And this is where I flunked. Promptly and fluently I replied "Sir, a young person is full of energy. The kind of creative and innovative solutions he can bring in an older person can not. The youth have greater power of lateral thinking. Besides, it has been seen that the scope of entrepreneurship and taking initiatives is always greater in people of younger age group"

It is only after I end this passionate speech that I realize all the members in the board were old. Nirbhay sir seemed to be the youngest of them all, having just retired from the army. All others seemed to be octogenerians. The lady member looked as if she may die any moment (no dissrespect intended, just an honest appraisal). The gentleman sitting to my right seemed to be weak in the heart, and I feared any inflammatory remark from me may lead him to a heart attack. After having a closer look at the interviewers I wished I had taken my words back. But like an arrow that has left the bow, I couldn't take back my words.

Nirbhay sir felt a little piqued by my eloquent defence of the youth. But you see, he was smarter than me. He said, "I totally agree whith whatever you said about the youth. See, there are certain problems that are bugging me for a long time now. Being a young man -you passed out
from IIT Kharagpur in 2006 -I guess you can give me some innovative solutions"

This is where I was trapped. Now I had to perform! Show my creativity. And I failed. But failed in style. He asked me to give an innovative solution to the Indo-Pak problem. Oof! After beating around the bush for a long time, I accepted that I really don't have any innovative solution. After this, he looked triumphant, and passed on to other members. I answered most of the questions posed by other panel members. Since most of the questions were opinion based, I talked a lot (they were surprisingly good listeners: guess some trait people pick up at old age!) and explained many things at greater details. On issues that I had little knowledge, I said "I don't have sufficient knowledge on the issue to form an opinion"

Questions asked

A few issues that I was grilled about were:

What is India's Myanmar policy? Is it right?
What all missiles have been inducted into the army?
Do you think democracy is bad for us? Why do people choose so inefficient people as members of parliament? then I brought the issue to caste based politics, role of middle class etc
Is coalition politics good or bad for our country?
At which places seccessionist movements are taking place in India
Give a history of the Naga Movement? (I couldn't answer this)
Of what use is your engineering skills in administration? (I explained this with a situational example)
What about the grid connectivity to various parts of India?
What are the problems in Kalahandi? (the way I listed out the problems the member must have thought that I had mugged up the whole thing, even though it was spontaneous)
What solutions do you propose for the Kalahandi problem?
Explain the root cause of communalism in Orissa... recent riots
Do you think religious conversions have to be stopped? (I say forced conversion is bad but because of that genuine conversions can't be barred because it will violate fundamental rights)
Is conversion a fundamental right?
Tell me something about the temple in Puri (how dumb! and how dumb of me for taking a long time to answer it)
Outsiders know Orissa for all the wrong reasons. Do you think the media is responsible for it?
Is the media always right? (here I take example of Aarushi case to highlight the psychological wound that news reports inflict)
What should be done to restrict the media from crossing the line?
What should be done to stop tax evasion?
Should taxing income be replaced by taxing expenditure?
Was Voluntary disclosure of income scheme good? Is it good now?

Then back to Nirbhay Sharma. He asks a very interesting question: "We find that the middle class in India is very self-centred. It is concerned only about rising above and not about larger issues. It only pays lip service to issues of common interests. Even voters' turnout is low for the middle class. How do you think their behaviour can be changed?"
This was a profound question involving both psychology of human and group behaviour and sociology (incidentally both my mains subjects). I couldn't think of any answer to this. He asks me to think over it and informs me that my interview is over.

How did my interview go?

I have been bugged an umpteen times regarding how my interview go. The point is no one can say how his/her interview went. Only results speak. I got 210 after a bitter interview last year. Many people landed with 75 or 80 marks after so called 'good interviews'. What they see in you, what they infer from that, and what insights into your personality they get no one can say.

All that I can say for sure is that what answers you give to factual questions doesn't make a difference. 'I don't know' is perhaps the best answer when you aren't sure about the answer. Be honest about your ignorance. Don't be ashamed of your ignorance. Your reaction to ignorance reveals a lot about your personality. Be true to as much extent as possible; it is appreciated.

In my case, I had gone into the board with the primary aim of getting the feel. So I talked in an uninhibited manner. I talked a lot (which may backfire... only results will tell) and had a slightly casual body language. But I don't recommend the same for you.

Evolution and Human Society

2009-03-23T17:40:00.006+05:30

Today, I am going to use some fundas of evolution, psychology and wildlife behaviour to present a hypothesis. Basically, this is inspired by a training module at Forest research Institute (FRI), Dehradun organized for IRS probationers. First, the instances that triggered my thought processes...

A video of the Planet Earth series was shown to us at FRI. It was an excellent video in terms of cinematography and documentary conceptualization. Not just that, it showed in great details the mysteries of animal behaviour. Have you wondered why the peacock is more beautiful than the peahen? Why the lion looks smart and the lion ordinary? Closer still, why women need so much cosmetics to look beautiful? The answer lies in evolution.

The basic rule is survival of the fittest. Owing to this, the female has a natural tendency to choose the best mate possible to help her reproduce.Please mark that the power to choose is with the female. Since the female has the power to conceive and create life, she doesn't need any other merit. The male doesn't have this kind of power. It can reproduce only by mating with a female. And the male wants to reproduce because it wants its genes to survive. So every male tries to attract females towards itself by looking good, or doing various pranks, or even winning in a duel with other males. Male frogs attract female frogs by crocking at the top of their voice. The frog who produces the best sound is preferred by the female. In some birds, a male who is more colourful, and dances better than others is preferred by the female.

But mind you, not everytime the female gets to choose. When does the female lose her power to choose a mate? When she is under the control of a male. This was made evident from an excellent lecture on tigers delivered by prof. Y.V. Jhale of Wildlife Institute of India (WII) at FRI. While discussing tiger behaviour, he explained that tigresses mark their territory inside the forest in terms of amount of prey availability. If the density of prey is low, physical area under her control is high and vice versa. On the other hand, a tiger determines his territory by seeing the number of tigresses in the territory. So if each tigress has an area of X under herself and there are Y tigresses that the tiger wants to control sexually, then the tiger's area is X*Y. Now, how does the tiger maintain a hold over his territory? Once again it is survival of the fittest. If the tiger is strong enough, he will fend his territory against rival tigers. But if a rival tiger is stornger, he defeats this tiger in a duel and conquers the territory.

Now comes the interesting part. Suppose a the tigresses in the tiger's territory have some cubs. Now when this tiger is defeated by another tiger (or may be is killed by poachers), a new tiger comes to occupy the territory. This tiger kills all the cubs. Why? Because a tigress with cubs doesn't mate. And, reasons Prof. Jhale, the tiger 'is desperate. It wants to reproduce'. This statement is going to be the baseline on which my whole thesis is based. At this point let us draw a few conclusions:

1. The Collective Unconscious leads to evolution
One of the most controversial yet intriguing concepts in psychoanalysis is that of the collective unconscious by Carl Jung. Jung reasoned that every living being inherits a collective unconscious from its ancestors. This unconscious psyche consists of archetypes that helps one in evolution. For example, no one teaches a child to fear the dark. Fear of darkness is always there and keeps a toddler out of harm. Hence, it is functional in helping the child survive. This is an instance of many things a being doesn't learn but knows. And these archetypes, passed on from the ancestors of the species, help in survival. Hence, the collective unconscious is basic to evolution of species

2. Reproduction as an Unconscious motivation
I have already mentioned that every animal, every being, every species is desperate to reproduce. The female in every species wants to mate the best of the males and the male in every species wants to mate with (or sexually control as the case may be) as many females as possible. The female who has the power to create wants the best genes for its womb, and the male who has plenty of sperms wants to have as many of progeny as possible. But are these animals as intelligent? Are they so conscious of their genes? NO. Their nature can be explained not by any conscious motivation but by archetypes.
No species can survive without reproduction; hence the need for passing down archetypes through the collective unconscious. Every being inherits this archetype as part of the collective unconscious from the ancestors of the species. Hence, if you ask a woman what she looks for in a husband, her answer invariably revolves around intelligence, power and money. These are the fundamental elements which can help a progeny survive and prosper. The beauty is that she doesn't even know the real reason why she is impressed by these in a man! All this happens in the unconscious. A woman is more turned on by intelligence and physical strength rather than power and money. This is because power and money are derived characteristics and can be attained, but intelligence and physical strength can't be.
At this point, I would like to make an observation about love. What they call pure love doesn't really exist. The ones among you readers who consider themselves romantic will disagree vociferously, but the truth is that you are rarely aware of your unconscious. You fall in love with the person who you think can get you the best children and help rear them. There are of course many other factors in determining love, but this is a major factor (I may very well be wrong. I myself am in company of people who are exploring the spiritual and unconscious bases of love)

3. Every species evolves and dies
This is but obvious. As the fittest get to mate with women and pass on their genes, the not-so-fit genes die out in the race. Slowly but steadily one species gives rise to another species, stronger and more at comfort with the environment. The new species can better adapt to changing environments. Hence, man evolved from apes. Man has the ability to manipulate his environment in ways that no other species can. But man is not the end. Homo Sapiens will give way to another species, stronger and more powerful. This new species will be better able to adopt with nature than we can. Already we can see how fast climate is changing. As climates will become more erratic and drastic, and resources will become scarce, man won't be able to adapt. A new species will then evolve, mostly consisting of the best genes in we humans. We will be relegated to the status of apes, and they will rule.

A Hypothesis on Human Society and Evolution

Till now, I have just discussed the basics of evolution and evolutionary psychology. Now I come down to the observation I had made during a moment of introspection. And this concerns my favourite subject: sociology. Yes, society is powerful. It is an invisible, abstract entity that Durkheim had claimed controls all activities of human beings. Many scholars, through the ages, have marvelled on how something created by humans could come to influence humans so heavily. Many scholars have also marvelled at how society is self-sustaining: how it balances institutions, norms, and social behaviour in order to survive.

My argument is that society also plays against the process of evolution. The process of evolution necessitates that the best genes in a species interact to produce the fittest individuals who will then mutate. Society hampers the process of evolution by sustaining the inferior genes of homo sapiens. How does society do this?

First, society puts a tab on women's power to choose. In almost all traditional societies (other than tribal societies), there is a control over sexuality of women. In the caste system, caste endogamy is practised. That means a woman couldn't marry a person from outside her caste. Hence, if an individual from the Chandal caste has superior genes to most Brahmins, he can't pass it on to Brahmin women. Similarly, inter-tribe marriages are also prohibited to a great extent. In deed, the woman in the caste systemhas no choice regarding whom she marries. She has to marry wherever men barter her out. Arranged marriage system is a beautiful system wherein a man outsources to his mother the responsibility of getting him a beautiful wife. As a result, even an idiot good-for-nothing fellow may get a good bride (hopefully my mother will not let me down). And if this bride doesn't reproduce properly (translation: get the family male children), the good old mother helps the chap dispose of this bride and gets for him a new bride with added dowry!

The point is, society stratifies humans into groups like caste, class, race, religion etc which prohibit proper interaction, let alone ability of women to choose. Further, the religious norms and social values prevent free interaction of man and woman. By doing this society slows down the process of evolution. But for how long? Even society is changing. Societies change primarily due to physical changes and changes in ideas (the interested may refer to Ogburn's theory on material culture and non-material culture). Generation of new ideas change society. For example, the idea of India defeated the British government in colonial India. This idea was generated by reformers, journalists, and freedom fighters.

The most relevant ideas today are that of postmodernism that make norms and values irrelevant. The advent of such ideas are resisted by other ideas, such as traditional ideas that lead to fundamentalism and inidents of moral policing. But ultimately, postmodernism will dominate (none can stop an idea whose time has come) and make irrelevant most barriers. The process has already started in the western countries.Once this happens, the opposition of society to the process of evolution will diminish.

The ultimate goal of life
All of us have aspirations. Some have great expectations while some others are happy with whatever they have. Everyone has goals, some long-term while others short-term. In between all this, what may be the ultimate goal of life? Now, I won't go into the realm of spirituality, being mostly a cynic in such matters. But I will nevertheless deal lightly with some philosophical questions. In this physical world, in this world of perceived reality, we yearn for money, power, influence, sex etc. We have goals. But when we leave this world, we leave behind all this. A man's dead body needs no more than seven feet long land area. Since Hindus burn the dead, one doesn't need even that. This truth creates an unconscious fear in every human being. This unconscious fear motivates humans to yearn for procreation. Parents want to see their offsprings succeed in life. This prompts me to ask a question: Is procreation the ultimate goal of life?

Bizarre Musings

2009-03-21T18:45:00.006+05:30

These days I am experimenting with what I call 'Bizarre musings'. The challenge is to take something with a depth and convert it into shallow poetry. You have all the liberty in the world to use any crap. Just the constraint is that at the end it should make some sense, though not necessarily anything sensible or of use.
A friend of mine sent a message to a girl he loves, which I have taken as the first line of a poem. Try this:

"Darling
Come back to me only if you think you are mine
We will consummate our love divine
And I will make you the mother of nine
Each of them strong, healthy, and fine

But in case you decide to decline,
Let us nevertheless go out and dine
I will bathe you in a pool of wine
Made from the best of vine

While you get drunk I will cross the line
Slowly but steadily I will feel your curves so feminine
While your brain is under the control of dopamine,
I will explore deep into your mine

Fine!
Go ahead and call me a swine
I don't really care and won't whine
You aren't worth more than a concubine

Darling,
Love and lust don't you try to define
So objectively you can't just determine!
For they are bound to each other just like twine
It has been so between man and woman since ages pristine

Parliamentary Attachment

2009-03-07T10:10:00.004+05:30

The Parliament of India. A building I am sure fascinates most Indians. After all this is wherefrom this country is run. This is the place that symbolizes our democratic polity. Even otherwise, the fights on the floor, the cash-for-question and other such scams, power politics, horse trading etc all fascinate the masses.

Last week, I got a privileged entry into this very paarliament. It seems, as IRS officers we need to be appraised about how our parliament works. After all, there is no taxation without representation -and the tax policy of India is made in the corridors of power that this parliament consists of. But frankly speaking, I wasn't enthusiastic about visiting the parliament. And I sure was surprised that I wasn't! After all, who gets a chance to! The only thing I was excited about was the break: break from the training at Nagpur and the prospects of being back to Delhi.

We started off on the 21st of february in Garib Rath Express (how austere the life of a taxman is!). Of a batch of 160, we were roughly 80 in Garib Rath. The rest had made their own travel plans, mostly travelling by plane. I guess they missed out on the fun of travelling together with 80 other friends on train. Train journeys are always fun, especially when a whole bogie is occupied by your group. You can drink beer, play taas (cards), shout, and do a host of other activities. Most of all, a vibrant train journey energizes your brain. It stimulates you to observe things closely, and deeply.

We reached Delhi the other day at noon, a whole 6 hours late. Now you know another reason why people prefer to travel by air. As the world becomes busier, time becomes shorter, and 24 hours too less for the day, evidently planes are more preferred. The huge batch of IRS probationers of 62nd batch was lodged in five different hotels in Karol Bagh and Ajmeri Gate region. Since Dora, Vaibhav and myself were lodged in the same hotel, we dived into a pool of beer as soon as we checked in.

After sometime, someone told me that possibly we will have photo sessions with the finance minister (Pranab Mukherjee temporarily), the president, and her vice. We had a session with Pranab Mukherjee just the next day. So I decided to have a hair cut. I went down to a "men's beauty parlour" and pompously (also a little foolishly, and in a silly way) introduced myself as an Assistant Commissioner of Income Tax about to meet Pranab Mukherjee the next day. I made it sound as if a one-to-one meeting between the minister and myself had been arranged. The barber didn't anyway seem to be convinced by my exaggeration. Rather, he introduced himself in English as the 'hair stylist' of the shop. I felt piqued.

The barber made me sit and look at the sorry state of affairs that i am. Thinning hair, a melancholic face (which people claim makes them laugh), two protruding ears, and not in the least looking like an Assistant Commissioner. Even though I realized that myself, the barber repeated that I am ugly. And if I am serious about meeting the FM, I must go for a facial package of 900 bucks. I looked at him. He looked at me. Our eyes met, and I conveyed to him that even my face isn't worth that much. He read my eyes and brought down the price to 350... said it was a cheaper alternative but will nevertheless shine my face. Done, I said.

He took an eternity applying all sorts of juices and pastes on my face. At the end of it, he asked me to look at the mirror. I looked at the mirror and the same ugly guy looked back at me. I look the same, I objected. The barber, who it seems had great convincing skills, showed me that I had turned into a handsome guy that s won't be able to resist. Buoyed by his praises and appreciation, I marched into Old Rajinder nagar market, where months before beautiful punjabi s used to greet me with indifference. And this time around their attitude was no different.

23rd of February. Monday. The herd of 160 officer trainees, all in black Jodhpuri suits (men) and a single design white sarees (women) are seated in a huge, impressive hall in the parliament library building. Our faculty members, who seemed to be full of self-importance back in the academy, had the mannerisms and attitude of obedient school students. A German shepherd may be one in front of its sheeps, but in a tiger's den it is but a servile and sycophant creature. Pranab Mukherjee arrives, but seems to be in a hurry. He is stressed out, and wouldn't make a speech if given a choice. It is clear that he would stay here just for 40 minutes or so. Still, the DG reads a prepared and lengthy speech. The FM gives a short speech, the head and tail of which I couldn't make out because of reasons I will mention shortly. Then a fellow probationer comes up with another lengthy vote-of-thanks. FM leaves without a photo session. I think, so much ado just for a pic to post in Orkut!

The FM's session is followed by few lectures by some MPs, secretaries and directors. I am sorry I can't delve into the exact content of these lectures, since I was sleeping all through. What exactly happened was that in the morning I woke up with a cough. Dora was carrying a bottle of corex cough syrup. I intended to take a few drops of it, but once I raised the bottle to my lips, about half the bottle emptied and went down my throat. By the time I reached the parliament, I was feeling damn sleepy. The first session was our honourable FM's speech, and if the CD ma'am had caught me napping she would have eaten me raw. So I put on my sunglasses, in the seminar hall, and took a light nap. After the FM's session, I freely slept and enjoyed the sleep. Little did I know then that in rest of the days of parliamentary attachment, I would be sleeping away without the help of corex! After five days of the attachment, I in fact wondered why we had to come all the way to the parliament to sleep when we could do the same in the classes in the academy!

Another interesting thing I noted on this day was that in the jodhpuri suits, all of us looked like butlers, or waiters of Taj Hotel. In fact a few of my lady colleagues saw me and a couple of others from a distance in one of the rooms and mistook us for security personnel. Now, not that the lady OTs looked any special. In white sarees with similar design all of them looked like airhostesses of erstwhile Indian Airlines. But the real worth of the uniform we got to know when we were made to do some training sessions with officer trainees of Indian Audit and Accounts Service (IAAS). There were 16 IAAS trainees who had arrived in a variety of clothes. When made to mingle with us, they distinctively stood out as fancy dress competitors. I wonder why it took 16 trainees of a different service to make me realize how disciplined and cool we 160 look in our uniforms!

The attachment was of five days: 23rd to 27th of february. Monday to friday. Few details of the rest of the attachment I will share with you in a sequel post.

My Book: Cover page

2009-02-20T16:40:00.002+05:30

It was back in November, after the end of my civil service exams, that I started writing a book based on UPSC paper-2 syllabus of psychology mains. The syllabus includes application of psychology in various fields, such as defence psychology, organizational psychology etc. I had completed the book in a record time of one month and luckily found a good publisher in New Vishal Publications. My publisher, Mridul Oberoi, has kick-started the process of putting the book in e-format and recently sent me two chapters of the book... n his editing and presentation r really good.

So now I have moved on to the next level: am brain-storming on a possible cover page and back cover. I need a really fundoo cover pic/ layout. Any idea guys? I have tentatively named the book "Applied psychology: An India centric perspective"

A thing of beauty...

2009-02-20T16:21:00.003+05:30

I was introduced to the world of poetry by a teacher in the seventh grade, Usha miss. Though even kindergarten teachers force rhymes down your throat, appreciation of poetry needs something special... to some it comes naturally, but for others such as me there are mentors like Usha miss. A few days back, while I was sitting in the class, thinking and introspecting, something propped up suddenly in my mind. A phrase that Usha miss used to use very regularly "A thing of beauty is a joy forever". Written by John Keats, this is one of the deepest poems I have ever read.

The beggining of the poem goes something like this:

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing
A flowery band to bind us to the earth,
Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth
Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,
Of all the unhealthy and o'er-darkened ways
Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,
Some shape of beauty moves away the pall
From our dark spirits.

What moves me is the simplicity of the concept: that a thing of beauty is a joy forever. Let me illucidate this with an example. Suppose you meet a girl whom you find very 'beautiful'. Later, after a few times you don't. So does it mean your eyes have deceived you? NO! A thing of real 'beauty' is always a joy. The beauty increases with time. If you really find a woman beautiful, you will see that after she has grown old, and wizened, she is even more beautiful.
Another important concept is that beauty has no lebels, no standards. Anything that gives sweet dreams is beautiful.

My Thoughts

2009-02-15T00:24:00.004+05:30

My thoughts are faster than me
They torture me, create nuisance
They are fleeting, they come and go
My thoughts give me bliss
But I wish I could capture them
So fast they are
I wish I could capture them
So that I could reexperience
The torture, the nuisance
The bliss

The Classroom

2009-01-21T13:30:00.004+05:30

Credit, Debit
Debit, Credit
Oh, why did I rank in civils merit
To land in a school where I don't fit

Torture has many forms,
And the classroom has many norms
If you don't believe me,
The sleeping beauties Dubey, Shanteswar et al you must see

You won't understand this unless you zoom
Close to the faces of Nethrapal,
And other victims of the classroom
Who daily get mentally halal

But then there are a few,
Who find Income Tax Act juicy
These keen-types are quite a view:
Mini, Modi, and Princy

But behold!
Emulate the keen types, fellow probationer
There is going to be lot of load,
Once the worthless you becomes an assistant commissioner

The Classroom Bard

2009-01-16T20:03:00.008+05:30

Hey guys
I again broke off 4 a long period this time -the last post came back in september 2k8. But now I am gonna follow up regularly... perhaps bcoz now i m under training for the next 16 months. So no work load. On top of tht I have to attend, and bear, boring lectures on accountancy nd business laws... all the time in the class, i being a back-bencher, i spend either sleeping or scribbling something or the other.

Today I present a poem I wrote in the class just yesterday. Now, I am not much of a poet. I used to write funny poems when i was a kid -I was known in the whole school for that -but then, i left writing poems when i grew up. Perhaps it is because when you don't get the feeling, and the flow, all that you write is only superficial. But this one came very spontaneously. While most poets rely on poppy to get high b'fore composing verses, I relied on accounting jargon... and beware this poem oscillates between sarcasm, humor, and romance not exactly reaching at anything

I don't know, I don't
What she means to me
Races apart, cultures apart
She is the distant land
Exotic, challenging, and luring
The winds of which are too far for me to feel

Red, luscious lips, perpetually smiling:
Hiccups of lusty Himalayas
Dark, flowing hair:
Currents of the Brahmaputra
Graces and looks:
Just like the serene sky.

She comes, she conquers
Oblivious of me, she pains
Oh that smile,
And those grimaces
The only solace
To the teacher's tortures

But then East and west don't meet
Cruel acts of culture and race
So also of attitudes
She a favourite in first row
And I, after all, a back-bencher

The School is no more

2008-09-04T15:46:00.011+05:30

"Whatz up?" I pinged Sameer on finding him online last night. That's how you usually start a chat with an old pal and the usual reply is "just chal raha hai... wht abt u?" But yesterday his reply was as unconventional and shocking as it could be:
"Our school is no more"
The school is no more? Sameer sounded as if the school is an octagenerian with all kinds of ailments that it has succumbed to. Agreed, the school is an old one serving students for quite a long time now -but how can an institution be no more?
"What???"
"Public School has been vandalized by mobs. Jeypore under curfew" came the reply.

Now I got it all.
Yes, Jeypore a small town in Koraput district of Orissa has been seeing communal clashes for the last few days. I know that much from the newspapers. It all started with the murder of some extremist Hindu leader in Kandhmal. A riot ensued in which anything and everything associated with christian missionaries -orphanages, churches, converted humans -were burnt down. Chief minister Naveen Patnaik, an intellectual whose secular credentials are beyond doubt, tried his best to stop it. But I presume his efforts couldn't have materialized. This is because of the very nature of tribal regions of Orissa. First, there are many hamlets (small clusters of houses) spread over the whole jungle terrain, which it would be very tough to police at the same time. Secondly, the naxalite-wary police of this region are already under immense stress. Police strength is low and all efforts to increase police strengths lately have not yet materialized due to infrastructural problems in training new recruits. Third, riots are something new in these regions. Tribals groups of Orissa are known to be peace-loving people; the riots have taken the administration by shock.

Yes, the people of this region are peace-loving. The tribals have their own culture, their own Gods and their own tribal societies. For long, they have stayed at peace with their environment and their Gods. The polarization of these people today on communal lines -on the lines of two alien religions Hinduism and Christianity -and the ensuing violence is a matter of intrigue to any sociologist.

But more intriguing than that is that my school has been vandalized. Why? Long before, when there was no development in the Koraput region (it still is a textbook case of under-development in the country) a lady opened three schools in Koraput district to provide english education. Her son, Mr. Anoop Ambrose, is the principal of my school. Yes, he is a christian. But of what I remember, he was a man of immense vision and compassion. He was a thorough patriot; he used to personally attend the recital of national anthem everyday during assembly and organized grand activities on independence day and republic day. He instilled in us students, during the formative years of our life, values of humanity and respect for the values inscribed in the constitution of India. Further, the school was never a christian school. It was never supported by any missionary fund, nor was it a convent. Majority of the students and teachers were Hindus. I remember, in second grade SUPW class, I had designed a portrait of Lord Jagannath (a Hindu God) which the teacher liked immensely and put it on the wall of teachers' room. She was the only christian teacher of the school!

It pains...to know that the school is no more. That one school which provided excellence in education even in a remote, forested region; that shaped the formative days of my life; that served as a foundation for the many students who have now specialized in a variety of vocations -it is no more!

It pains to know that peace-loving tribals are now killing each other in the name of religion; in the name of religions that are both alien to the region. It pains more to know that these tribals are now converted into either Christianity or Hinduism (yes, the rhetoric of Hindu chauvinists that christians are converting tribals is only partially true -Hindu extremist groups are also converting them). The culture of tribal societies is intricately inter-woven with their religion. When they identify themselves as 'Hindu' or 'Christian', basically the basic strands of their culture-rich society is endangered. The present riots have accentuated the problem, creating extremist identity and hatred in the psyche of simple tribals.

But it pains more to know that people are so dumb. Ok so you fight in the name of religion: you burn orphanages run by missionaries, you demolish Churches, you kill women and children in the name of religion. But what logic is there in burning down a school?

Koraput of the famed (for the wrong reasons) KBK area has many problems to deal with already: naxalism, starvation deaths, unemployment, tribal alienation, displacement by industries etc. To this list a new problem has been added now: hatred. Love, the one trait of the region that defines the spirit of Koraput and helps it keep going, is no more. The school is no more.

For pics of the ghastly act, see:
http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/anishaambrose/AdministrativeBlockJeyporePublicSchool02?authkey=ziPR6amwCL8#

Celebrity Status

2008-05-27T22:49:00.002+05:30

I don't know about you, but I have dreamt a lot about being a celebrity someday...that everyone would adore me and respect me and show me the kind of adulation that suits my narcissistic ego. That may be the reason why sociologists call man a prisoner of society. I, like most other socialized animals, want to get social approval.

That had once come my way when I had cleared IIT JEE...my rank wasn't gud enough, but the best among Bhubaneswar first attempt chaps... parents raved about me, friends didn't stop pulling my legs, acquaintances and strangers (alike) kept adoring me in my colony. And yes, there was the talk of girls... what every celebrity desires -to have lots and lots of female fans. Unfortunately, this one never materialized. I left Bhubaneswar too soon... and so couldn't really check out how much of the female fan stuff was fact and how much a fiction.

Well, luck has smiled at me once again. This time, I managed to get 196 rank in the coveted civil services. Now, that's not a big achievement, given the fact that it will fetch me Indian revenue Service (Income Tax) ... I may have to give the exam again for IAS. Yet, the kind of celebrity status I have got is amazing.

My name has already come up in front page of some Oriya newspapers. Immediate kin, farther kin, fictitious kin and family friends -far and near - have already congratulated my parents...everyone wants to boast of acquaintance with an Income Tax Commissioner. Many coaching institutes, my association with which was minimal, have already come out with newspaper ads featuring my name and photo.

The nature of exam being long drawn and quite unpredictable, aspirants are very insecure. They feel that the successful candidates have some formula that they can share. What they don't understand is that being a DM is about managing novel and non-formulaic issues daily... hence UPSC checks reaction to unpredictability and flexibility! No doubt, this insecurity has made many aspirants buzz me with questions like:

What was your strategy? As if I had any other than hard work!
Please tell me what you did A to Z... as if there is any formula to get through!
What optionals should I take? Dude, you think I know better than you?

Now-a-days I have even started showing some starry tantrums... 'I am not free', 'Am busy', 'I don't think I can help you...this was my first attempt and I didn't really prepare that seriously' (which is a gross overstatement... no one can clear this exam just by chance)

One thing I miss about the celebrity status (in Rajinder Ngr and Mukherjee Ngr in Delhi and in Orissa) is the complete lack of female fan base. (Please note that the ladies preparing for UPSC don't count). May be its because ladies can make out from my face that I am a despomaniac with four years of frust life in IIT Kharagpur (the insti is famous for harbouring despomaniacs... a girl who had been hit by many KGPians has even started a community 'Desperate IITians' in Orkut!) and another year here in Delhi, preparing for UPSC.

Anyways, let me make a confession. I am not exactly enjoying this celebrity status. I have to keep my cell phone switched off, face many irritating -and similar -questions and sometimes even act rude with aspirants (with whom I recognize the myself that had come to the jungle called Old Rajinder Nagar Market aka UPSC Market last year around this time).

One ground truth: I still am as far from IAS cadre as I was last year when I came to Delhi. It was this very day in 2007 that I set foot in Delhi! I need to work hard, and harder than I did last year, to really get through.

My Three Mistakes by Chetan Bhagat

2008-05-16T14:28:00.003+05:30

The most popular english novelist of India (according to New Yorker, i guess) is back with his third novel, my three mistakes. No, this is not a review -bcoz I didn't exactly like his second book abt the call centre. So I am in no mood to go for the third, even though it is priced at a 95 bucks (equivalent to peanuts for the mall visiting junta who are his fan base). Here I just intend to make a comment on the reviews that this book has got.

Not surprisingly, the critics have been pretty critical of this book. Just like his previous book, I guess this is also full of masala stuff. In deed, critics have called this book his 'third mistake'. Yet, these very critics don't realize that they made the mistake third time over to read Chatan Bhagat! Being a smarter one, I decided not to dish out my 95 bucks on the book.

The point that I want to highlight is that every individual is different. So also is individual taste. This difference gives rise to the concept of genre, and styles. For instance, Aamir Khan fans may accuse Shahrukh of over-acting but Shahrukh has his own fan base, even bigger than Aamir.

Bhagat has a huge fan base (some even fanatic) in India simply because of the way he writes, bringing about a synergy between youth life, aspirations and simple english. Now, who should decide whether Bhagat's books are good or bad? Who are these critics? Who reviews the books in newspapers? What are their choices? Whose tastes do they represent?

Bhagat has a mass base. Yet there are many others who don't. Fate of their books depends solely on the reviews they get. Same for low budget movies. The reviews of some newspapers with ideological bent (like The Hindu) are utterly biased. And there is no forum to be critical of these critics. It is the duty of newspaper editors to see to it that various tastes are represented in their panel of reviewers.

A clarification

2008-04-09T11:42:00.002+05:30

My earlier blog on my interview was received with a few concerns and i seek to dispel them. Yes, the board consists of learned, experienced and respected gentlemen and ladies... being sarcastic or critical of them is incorrect. But let me make it clear that in my narration I wasn't critical of them, nor was I trying to make fun of respected members of UPSC and bureaucracy... it was just a way of narrating an interview.

Secondly, please don't form an impression of prof. DP Agarwal based on my narration. He was extremely polite in my interview, and I am sure he is so unless someone makes a very critical blunder. I hope no one gets psyched on getting his board the way I did...

My First Civils Interview

2008-04-04T11:11:00.007+05:30

2nd April 2008. I gave my first civil service interview just two days back...i say 'first' because I am quite optimistic that UPSC will again make the mistake that it made this year. I can't, in any case, say the last -because I am not one of those who give up that easy.

My interview was scheduled for the forenoon; i reached upsc well in time before 9 AM and had a chance to meet some other candidates I knew. We were let in sharp at 9. What I found surprising about the reception was that it was extremely cordial and student friendly. I had expected a long line in which I would have to stand before my certificates are checked, other formalities done etc. We were escorted into a huge circular hall in which some nine table-chair configurations had been made. We were total thirty five in number, divided into seven boards. Mine was the seventh board. We were seated into seven of the table-chair configurations as per our board.

Though the ambience was good, the atmosphere was tense. I got to meet other four of my board-mates and had a healthy chat. That partly reduced the tension. Part of the tension was reduced by the presence of a cool chick in the sixth board. Unlike the other girls, her dressing sense was cool (all girls had come in saris -something I think was dumb; a salwar could have been as suitable but more comfortable for the situation). She had, it seems, invested heavily on a beauty parlour and looked exceedingly gorgeous. Seriously, I rarely find girls look so yexy in sari.

I did, of course, decide not to hit on her... but what occurred to me was that she may get some 20-30 marks more than we guys just by her looks. Lucky her! Old men, though low on libido, appreciate beauty as much as we guys do. (You may find my views on this pretty irrational, but many others will agree)

Soon, the call for first candidates to appear before the boards came. It turned out that the chick-in-sari's board would be chaired by Miss. Parveen Tahla (he he he!). But my pleasure didn't last long. Board 7, that is mine, was to be chaired by D.P. Agarwal.

DP! DP? DPPPppp... The dreaded ganglord from IIT Delhi with supposedly cannibal instincts. That DP? His name brought back to my mind flashback of cruel times... of those days in laboratories of department of electrical engineering, IIT Kharagpur -instrumentation lab, high voltage lab, power engg lab et al -when I was subjected to third grade torture by a panel of ruthless professors. The memory of such sends a shock down my spine till date. In deed, these aren't memories but nightmares (ok a little exaggerated) that came back to my mind then. Is DP Agarwal like them? I could have consoled myself with the false reasoning that IIT Delhi is a better, more humane place than IIT Kgp. Unfortunately, deeds of DP have already reached far and wide. According to legends, he asks only factual questions, wants only objective answers, conducts stress interviews, can grill you on any point you have made, can ask you out of the room in the middle of an interview...and the list continues.

DP was unusually cool. Cool doesn't mean he was happy or cheerful etc. He was just neutral in expressions and didn't seem to be ready to pounce upon me. His room was smaller than I had expected it to be, due to which the other four members were sitting very close to me. DP was sitting right in front of me at the other end of the table. To my left was sitting a lady at very close distance. Henceforth, lets call her lady because she deserves the title. By her side and to DP's right was sitting (rather sleeping over the table) a gentleman who looked like PV Narasimha Rao but slept like HD Deve Gowda. Lets call him PV Deve Gowda. To my right was a smart, chill looking gentleman in his early fifties. He was smiling mysteriously, the way P. Chidambaram used to before presenting his budgets. Lets call him Chidumbaram. By his side and to DP's left was sitting a South Indian gentleman who spoke not so clearly (in fact the chairman had to translate his words and communicate to me more than once) but nevertheless a kind, pleasant guy. Lets call him Speaking Dravid.

I found DP's strategy of taking interview very maverick. He didn't seem to look at my biodata... nor did he ask any of the traditional questions.
"So your name is Smarak Swain. What does Swain mean?"
"It is an Oriya title sir"
"Its a very popular oriya title" the lady observed "What does Smarak mean?"
"Ma'am it means a memorial"
"But you know, your title is very similar to an english word...have you heard of something spelling S-W-I-N..." DP observed. Before he could complete, I said "S-W-I-N-E sir. It is a slang for pig"
"You know, this may create problems..." DP observed. I was looking at him right in the eyes and it was he who wasn't maintaining the eye contact. I was playing offensive.
"DP if u r really interested, then listen. There is a school of thought that believes that my name is an insult to pigs. Usually the good-for-nothing animal lovers have this view. Another school of thought pertains to the fact that I am not so bad as to be called a pig. There is still a third school of thought members of which call me just smarak" I did NOT say this. I simply looked attentively at him and he dropped the issue.

"So, when did you decide to come for the services?"
"In my final year sir"
"What are you doing?"
"Sir I worked in Tata Steel for a year. I left it last year and am preparing solely for civils"
"Why?"
"I didn't get much time for studies plus I wanted to come to Delhi"
"Why Delhi"
"I could get better interaction with other students, library facilities and coaching"
"What coaching did you join?"
"Ramaswamy for Sociology and Vajiram for current affairs"
(Actually I didn't get much time for doing the full course in Vajiram, so somehow managed to get into the current affairs that was meant only for ex-students)

"Since you want to do civils, you must be having an idea about the hierarchy of it. Brief me on any one department's hierarchy"
I hadn't prepared this. But I had read Kishan Rana's Inside Diplomacy and so had good idea of foreign ministry.
"Sir I can tell you about the hierarchy of foreign ministry" I said.
"Is that your first preference?"
"Yes sir"
"Ok. Go on"
I tell him about FSI, then first foreign posting as third secretary, learning new languages etc. He doesn't seem to be interested and passes on to the lady.
"Which language would you want to learn if given a choice" she asked
"Ma'am I would prefer Spanish"
"Why?"
"It is one of the most widely spoken languages in the world"
"Do you know Spanish? Anything about it?"
"Ma'am, I just know senor and senorita...nothing much"
"DO you find it a beautiful language?"
"Is it a sweet language?"
"Have you read any Spanish novel? Or seen Spanish movies?"
(I have read Paulo Coelho -who hasn't? -but that doesn't strike me. I mumble something about the movie Spanglish...
"Any Spanish painter or musician you know?"
(I couldn't say Picasso bcoz I got no idea of what kind of painting he drew...in deed i didn't know if he was spanish)
"Ma'am, I want to learn Spanish bcoz of the flexibility in posting it will give me; bcoz of the exotic carnival I could participate in; bcoz of the Havana cigars I fantasize myself smoking after cheating on a latin girl. What do you mean by sweet language? Is there any bitter language also? It is just a way to communicate" I did NOT say this.

"Do you know which is Spain's capital?"
"Madrid ma'am"
"Is Spanish only followed in Latin America?"
I tell her about Portuguese in Brazil. I forget to mention that Hindustani is followed in Suriname and Guyana...that would have been a plus...
Then she asks me about SAARC. I tell her all that I knew about SAARC, though see didn't seem to find what she wanted. As she was a real lady, she wanted to give me a chance. She asked me what all countries India shares boundary with. I tell all the names, including Afghanistan theoretically.
"Does Afghanistan share a boundary with India?"
"It has a boundary with a part of Jammu and Kashmir under Pakistani occupation"
Here I was trying to direct the interview into Paki, kashmir issue. But the panelists were too damn smart. She asked me some other things before passing on to the chairman.

DP: What will be your responsibilities once you become an IFS officer?
"Sir, in the country that I am posted I will look into bilateral relations, better people-to-people contact, cultural diplomacy, see the market prospects for Indian industries in the said country, do research and analysis of economic and strategic relations..."
Before I could finish, DP asked "How will you do research and analysis?"
"Sir, I will collect data from various sources...like ASSOCHAM...they must be having such a body in their country, then there is the economic survey and statistical reports. In cases where data is not available, I will employ market analysts to get me the data"

Now guys, I didn't say as fluently as you may feel. The problem in the board room was that it was extremely difficult to form sentences. Secondly, I was surprised that no one was asking questions like: 'why do you want to do civils?', 'why civils after engg?', 'don't you think we will be losing a power engineer' stuff on which I had invested lots of my limited literary talentin past few days -stuff that I had mugged by heart and prepared in front of a mirror. What the pock is happening???

"Can you give any specific example of how you will increase trade between India and any south American country? Answer only if you know something concrete" DP says
"I ain't doing no course in international trade ..." I did NOT say this
"Sorry Sir, I don't know". This is what I said.

Then he passes on to Speaking Dravid. Speaking Dravid asks me many questions in one go.
"When was UN formed? In what conditions? What is its organization?" and some more questions I don't remember.
"Ach Cho0l, this is a personality test. Why are you asking me questions that I was very good at answering when I was in school?" I did NOT say this.

I explain him some stuff about UN but am unable to say anything about the UN Charter. He then asks me about the trusteeship council and its function. At times, DP had to interfere and repeat his questions because he wasn't clear. Then he asked me about criminology (sociological theories etc)...then about clemency. I tell him about President's power to pardon etc. Though my answer isn't structured, nor am I fluent, he doesn't mind.

Then I am passed on to Chidumbaram. He is a smart fellow and knows a lot.
Chidu: "Recently there has been a debate between social justice ministry and supreme court. SC says that if a father is non-Dalit and mother Dalit, son can't be. But Social Justice ministry says he can be. Considering yourself a member of social justice ministry, give your arguments"
The news had come just a day back. Even though I hadn't thought over it, I managed to say a few points about patriarchal families, about manusmriti etc.
He gets excited about Manusmriti and asks me about the type of marriages -anuloma, pratiloma etc -mentioned in there. I give satisfactory replies but he starts an argument on whether hypergamy is allowed between sub-castes within a caste or between castes. My stand point was that it is allowed only between sub-castes -if a Brahmin marries a Shudra, the child is a Chandal. He becomes insistent and I finally give up...
He then asks about matriarchal families etc...I give satisfactory answer.

PV Deve Gowda wasn't really in a mood to talk when DP encouraged him to do so. He looked at me with dreamy eyes as if accusing me of forcing him to ask questions.
"Let me ask some questions on some different topic" he said slowly "Do you know Vikram Sarabhai"
"Sir, he was a pioneer in space research in India" I say. I know nothing more about him. He keeps looking at me (or may be lost!) with out giving a response. Sensing that I may have to say something more, I say "he was a founding member of ISRO"
After an instant he asks me "Who was Homi Jehangir Bhabha?"
"He was a pioneer of atomic research in India"
"Damn you! Why ask me such dumb questions I can't answer in more than one lines?" I did NOT say that.
"Please name me some sources of power?"

Am I a kid? Or do I look like the dumbest graduate in electrical engineering? A Professor at Kharagpur had once asked me "What's the difference between choke and starter in tube light?" Everyone in the lab had laughed at him for this but as it turned out, he was smart. I couldn't tell him the difference. At that time he had called me the dumbest of electrical under-grads...anyways, this question was too simple for the son of one of the few power plant commissioning specialists in India. I started off and listed the various sources.

Then he asked me questions like "Which is the cheapest source of power?" "What is multipurpose project?" "Why is india power deficient if we have so much potential?" etc. I give quite satisfactory answers but nothing extra-ordinary. PV Deve Gowda falls back to his sleepy posture. Getting the cue, DP started off again.

"There are some people who believe Delhi Metro isn't the best option for Indian cities. What are your views?"
I start with some broken sentences and give some arbitrary answers. Not satisfied, he says "Now-a-days many IIT professors are complaining about Metro. One of them gives a new statement to the press daily. I guess being from IIT yourself, you must be aware of the technicality"
I knew nothing about it...so I pass on. The lady member tries to give some hints by talking about the metro loudly with Deve Gowda (who I am sure didn't care, even though I was maintaining eye contact with DP).
"How will you go from Cuttack to the western Ghats?" DP asks.
"Sir, I will take a train to Mumbai and hire a jeep from there"
DP looks perplexed at my answer.
"Can you name some places on western ghats"
Guys, its ok if you think me dumb...I just blacked out. Not even a single name came to my mind.
"Sorry sir. I am unable to recall"
"You don't have to. Just visualize the map of India"
"Visualize a pocking map while five pairs of hungry eyes ogle at me? How do you think that's possible DP?" I did NOT say this. I simply stayed quiet, trying to visualize the map of India which sometimes looked round, sometimes like a square etc.
"OK. Thank you. Your interview is over"

When I was about to heave a sigh of relief, Chidumbaram requested DP to let him ask me some questions. DP complied.
Chidu: India has a national emblem. Do you know?
I can't remember the word 'ashoka stambha'. So I say "there is a pillar in Sarnath constructed by King Ashoka. The structure atop that is our emblem"
Chidu: India also has a national animal. Do you know that?
I: Sir, royal bengal tiger
CHidu: Is it royal bengal tiger or only tiger?
I: "I am not sure sir" I say, smiling.
(I said this because my strategy was to remain on the safe side and not to say any answer wrong)
Chidu: India also has a national bird. DO you know?
I: Peacock sir

Then he lets me off the hook. The chairman thanks me etc. 35 minutes all in all

III

While leaving UPSC, my assessment was that if not very good, my interview was 'above average'. Then I came back to my room, had my lunch etc. After seeing a movie in my room, I went off to Siri Fort Auditorium for the last movie of Chinese FIlm festival. While on my way, all those silly questions I couldn't answer came back to my mind. I concluded that my interview went just 'average'. Average score, according to people, is 150 and that is what I should expect.

After seeing the chinese movie, I was coming back when something suddenly dawned on me. Why did Chidumbaram ask me those silly questions in the end? It could be only because he considered me silly. My appraisal of my performance fell down to 'below average'.

The next day i.e. yesterday, I had gone for my medical check. I got a chance to interact with others who had given the interview. Everyone agreed that 'average' for DP is 130. And I am 'below average'. So now you know why I have called this topic My First Civils Interview.

Billo: La Gran Dakhar

2008-03-21T00:12:00.003+05:30

Billo: The Great African Immigrant

This is a sweet Italian movie on cultural relativism I watched in Siri Fort Auditorium last week. The protagonist is a black from Senegal who comes to Italy to make some money. Sounds like one of the other stories on immigration and yes it is. The difference about this movie is the clear portrayal of two very different cultures.

The story starts with the protagonist's coming to Italy and the problems he faces there, including job related issues and police harassment, temptation to do illegal activities etc. Parallel to this the movie shows his life in Senegal prior to his coming to Italy. After a while, the story takes a light and jocular turn when he falls in love with an Italian girl and she becomes pregnant with his baby. Problem is, there is another girl back in Senegal with whom he was attached -right from his childhood -and he couldn't just give her up.

So he goes back to Senegal, marries the girl (the marriage ceremony is a cool portrayal of African marriages I hadn't got to see anywhere outside Nat Geo before) and comes back. But he has to resolve the dilemma. His teacher comes to his help, saying that as a Muslim he can have as much as four wives. So he goes back and proposes the Italian girl. She knows of his first wife, hence deliberates on it (this part is light comedy) and finally agrees to marry him. Her friend tells her "You are only the second" at the marriage...

The movie is worth a watch for the visual stimulation this comparison of two cultures gives.

Action Reaction Sequence: Understanding International Relations

2008-03-03T00:56:00.010+05:30

Newton's Third Law: "Every Action has an equal and opposite reaction"

While going through a few texts on international relations and India's foreign policy, I have derived a few generalizations of my own...I would call it the Action-Reaction Sequence. But before I get into my idea, let me enumerate a few instances from India's foreign policy and some general views on International Relations (IR).

Henry Kissinger once said that we should learn from Nehru 'how not to run one's foreign policy'. He had observed such in the context of the fact that India's foreign policy in initial days was heavily ideology driven rather than oriented towards national interest. No doubt, foreign policy should be driven solely by pragmatism towards fulfillment of national interest. But then, how do we define national interest? Is it political consensus (in the context of democracies) or is it following hedonistic realism, not bothering about any ideal at all?
India has often been perceived as a big bully among the countries of Indian subcontinent region. Group psychology tells us that this is natural in a context where one group is overwhelmingly larger and more resourceful than other groups. People in Pakistan, Bangladesh and Nepal etc have a very negative attitude towards India. It is natural for Pakistanis to have such an attitude towards India...former foreign secretary JN Dixit has elaborately discussed how anti-Indian feelings is embedded in education and socialization process of Pakistanis. But why Nepal and Bangladesh? Inevitably, there was something wrong with how India handled relations with these nations. They have often complained of India meddling with their affairs. This lack of confidence between India and its neighbours is creating problems of regional integration, so also of better economic co-operation in SAARC.
Since 1992, we have had a major shift in our foreign policy. Starting with a hands-off policy towards neighbours, we now follow the Gujral Doctrine that states that we should show unconditioned positive regard towards neighbours and mustn't ask for reciprocity while doing favours. India has become very responsive to Pakistan also. Vajpayee even went so far as inviting Musharraf to Agra after his (or was it Nawaz Sharif?) misadventure in Kargil. According to Vajpayee, "We can choose our friends, we can't choose our neighbours". A majority of my fellow citizens, among those in my personal contact, don't favour this 'moderate' posture towards our smaller neighbour and prefer India getting aggressive.
C. Raja Mohan reasons that India doesn't have reservations towards a strategic alliance with US, yet won't ever play a second fiddle to it. Unfortunately, it has yielded under US pressures and messed up with some very close friends. India's vote against Iran at Vienna, for instance, didn't have much impact on the outcome itself but was symbolic of a strained relation with a strategic player in India's extended neighbourhood. This trade-off between nuclear deal and Indo-Iranian relations was in India's interests, according to many strategists. But how will it augur for India in the long run. Iran happens to be not just a friendly country but India's neighbour Pakistan's neighbour. It has been India's lone supporter on Kashmir issue in diplomatic circles of Islamic countries.

Here goes my view on IR. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Difference between Newtonian force and diplomatic action is on the issue of objectivity. While reaction to a force is impersonal, a diplomatic action's impact is more psychic. Every action in bilateral relations produce an impression of the country (let's say India) in the eyes of (a). the political elite and (b). the citizens of the other country. The attitudes of recipient (to the action) country are shaped by diplomatic actions over a period of time. This attitude guides the recipient country's behaviour (reaction) towards India.

The reaction is opposite in the sense of reciprocity. Equality criteria can't be easily ascertained in political science unlike physical sciences. However, we can risk saying that the reaction is subjectively equal to the action. When a heavy ball (resource rich India) collides with a ligh ball (say Bangladesh), the force on both is same and opposite. The momentum of (effect on) lighter ball is, however, more than that of the heavier ball. Resource here includes all kinds of national resources, plus military strength plus diplomatic skills of the country's foreign relations. In light of this action-reaction sequence, lets discuss the four points mentioned above yet again.

National interest doesn't lie in ideal-typical realism. Some degree of idealism is necessary. There is a poem, written in the context of Hitler era, that roughly goes as:

"They went after the Jews. I ain't a Jew, so I didn't help
They went after the blacks. I ain't a black, so I didn't help
They went after the trade unionists. I ain't one of 'em, so I didn't help
Then they came after me. There was none left to help me"

We can't afford not to notice US hegemony. As per the action-reaction sequence, ideal typical realism will be harmful to India in the long run. There is nothing personal in international affairs. But it should be remembered that other countries deal with India based on their subjective perception of India over a period of time. According to Prof. Raja Mohan, Nehruvian non-alignment had given India significant diplomatic space at a time when our resources were scarce. We still command goodwill of third world countries; these countries perceive India as their leader in multi-national forums like WTO.

I personally appreciate India's ambiguous stand on relations with US. This way, India is able to reap the benefits of allying with US without repelling its traditional third world base. This in deed is a tough task, but our diplomats seem to be quite consummate at it. A major problem with this can be US itself. US always desires unambiguous support. The pressure on India to show symbolic support to US will be more in days to come. Condoleeza Rice had recently even called on India to discard NAM!Many retired diplomats have observed that foreign relations should be managed with a right mix of idealism and realism. We can denote this as a continuum with ideal typical idealism and realism at the two ends.

The Gujral Doctrine is in deed a great step towards normalizing relations with our neighbours. People in India's neighbouring countries have formed negative attitude towards India due to Indian action over a period of time. Effect of Gujral Doctrine will also be seen after a period of time. After all, attitudes and beliefs don't change in a day. In the meanwhile, there have been tempting suggestions from various sections of society to confront our neighbours. Whenever there is a terrorist attack, there is a debate on what India is doing towards it. Should we also go for covert military action in Pakistan? Should we use pressure tactics to make Bangladesh dismantle the anti-Indian elements from its soil? Pressure tactics don't work. Pakistan acts with terrorism. We react with violence. Pakistan reacts to our reaction with more terrorism. We react to Pakistan's reaction to our reaction with increased confrontation. This may ultimately escalate to a full fledged war, a war in which Pakistan will lose more nevertheless we will also lose. Bhutan flushed out India's fifth column from its land just because of the special relation it shares with India. Hence, if India shows unconditioned positive regard towards its neighbours, it will be effectively reciprocated in due course of time.

Consumer psychologists and marketing managers often site the case of 'Hare Krishna society' to demonstrate how reciprocity works. Members of Hare Krishna society (an US Hindu organization) offer flowers to people in public places before asking for donations. Donations are voluntary. Yet the recipient of flowers feels obliged to donate handsomely! Such is human nature. Gujral doctrine is a masterstroke in policy making. By this doctrine, we do favours without demanding reciprocation. Yet, in the long run, we will be reciprocated by a subjectively equal reaction.

Should India Confront China on Arunachal?

2008-02-25T20:21:00.002+05:30

Recently, Manmohan Singh has reinforced India's stake over Arunachal Pradesh by visiting the state and declaring it an integral part of India. This was long overdue, given China's strong rhetorics about Arunachal. The fact that China is playing the AP card just to get diplomatic edge over India is beyond doubt. They want to revive a closed issue; they want more concessions in the ongoing boundary settlement. So is India falling into the trap? I don't think so. Many people believe India should send out strong messages across the Himalaya about AP and make strong counter-claims about Aksai Chin. That is exactly what China wants! It is good that India isn't falling into the trap.

Should India be more vocal on Arunachal issue?
I mean, we already have nuclear and missile deterrent against China.
Chinese govt is very business minded and won't commit any foolishness that would hurt its international trade...not even in Taiwan where its demands are legitimate.

So is it cool for us to take a confrontational attitude? China plays it cool with bigger powers and tries to bully smaller powers. That is very much true with many other countries. Here, I would like to refer to Deng's foreign policy. Ex-premier of China Deng always believed in lying low and channeling all diplomatic energy towards national interest. China itself avoids much confrontation with other countries unless it's self-interest is involved. It is like the 'hidden dragon' which was the prime beneficiary of cold war by aligning with USSR, ditching USSR and then realigning with US. Today it is in a position to claim world-power status. I think India is also following this line. This is evident from the articulations of Brajesh Singh, who played a major role in shaping India's foreign policy.

Accepting the fact that India still is a regional power (it will be a world power sometime in the future, no doubt), is it in our interests to confront China in the barking-dogs-diplomacy the way Bangladesh does with India or Venezuela does with US?

India Unbound: A review

2008-02-09T19:28:00.000+05:30

1991 was a watershed in the history of India. Like 1947 was the year of democratic India, 1991 was the year of economic India. There have been numerous books on the birth of a New India -a new nation that dared to dream.

India Unbound by Gurcharan Das is one such book. However, unlike the majority of books on economic reforms, it is not just an economic analysis. It is much more than that spanning over one and half century of economic development of India. The book is divided into three volumes explaining political economy of India till 1965, from 1965 to 1991 and after 1991 respectively. What sets this book apart is that it is not a scholarly piece, rather is narrated by the author in an informal fashion. By this, Das is able to craft a synergy that includes his personal observations, scholarly views and political discourse.

The book provides good insight into the lives of GD Birla, JRD Tata, Dhirubhai Ambani and Aditya Birla among others. It gives a good critique of Nehru's economic policy, though is somewhat harsh at times. Das believes that Nehru was a good visionary but a bad manager. He hardly had any patience to manage the country's affairs. Das also discusses the Mahalanobis plan at detail and alternatives to mixed economy vision available then. Lal Bahadur Shastri, who succeeded Nehru, was 'not only less ideological but also was more realist'. Das credits him for green revolution and also fot attempts made at delicensing economy.

Unfortunately Shastri administred for a mere 19 months and no more. What if he had lived on? The question is similar to this one: What if Sardar Patel had been the first prime minister? We never know. Neither does Das deal with these questions. He does credit Nehru for the democratic governance and stability that was brought to the country under his charisma; many had written it off as a country bound to disintegrate.

Then came Indira Gandhi who took a sharp socialist turn, sharper than her father had ever meant to take. The mismanagement of economy after that is history. The corporate tax was 97%. Add wealth tax to it and you get a tax rate of more than 100% on the private sector! Many private businessmen were forced to resort to smuggling and tax evasion. Das contends that since the great JRD Tata didn't indulge in the practice, he had to sell some of his property every year.

Here Das gives a good criticism of socialism. He states that:

India didn't have the ability to run its PSUs on profit. There were always constraints in the form of rigid labour laws, low autonomy and high ministrerial interference, unprofessional management etc. In fact trade unions and political leaders made it sure that not profit but employment become the prime aim of PSUs. According to the Dodson formula, growth = savings / ICOR. The ICOR of PSUs was too low in India.
For development, there has to be creation of wealth. For creation of wealth, we need competition. There can be no competition without involvement of private sector. Das has given instances of Nehru disapproving of competition as something evil. His daughter took an even more radical posture and nipped the private sector in the bud.

An observation of Gurcharan Das is worth mentioning here. He says that there is nothing bad in inequality if every party benefits from it. To illustrate, he cites the example of Prof. John Rawls, a professor of philosophy at Harvard during his student days. Rawls had played a game in a class. He stated that the rules of the game are:

Hypothetically, the class room is an egalitarian society i.e. everyone is equal
Every person should have maximum liberty compatible with liberty of others
We would opt for equality in any situation unless the inequality benefited everyone including the worst off and everyone had the same opportunity to reach the top

Now, suppose all employees of a factory are paid equally. If the president is paid more so that he is motivated to work harder for more profits for the company so that I would get better bonuses, would I not agree to it? What lies in Das's argument is meritocracy which also features in the writings of scholars of functional school of sociology like Kingsley Davis. Though forceful, Das decides not to deal with the numerous criticisms to meritocracy.

The reforms of 1991 are dealt with in great detail. The major actors of the reforms:
PV Narasimha Rao
Manmohan Singh
A.N.Verma &
P.Chidambaram are dealt in good detail. Das also makes an empathetic monologue on the New India, its aspirations, its strengths and weaknesses. He narrates stories of people -small and big -he has met during researching the book.

The point where this book lags is value neutrailty. He has made it clear in the introduction that this is no scholarly work. Yet, while discussing historical and socio-economic facts, one needs to maintain a value neutrality. It is due to this reason that he becomes too critical of some facets at times. His understanding of bureaucracy, for example, is flawed. He has demonized the bureaucracy without knowing that bureaucracy is highly disciplined, yet is a reflection of policy makers' policies. Called the backbone of Indian democracy, the bureaucracy was very rigid before 1991. Yet, the way it faced the reforms of 1991 and showed flexibility in post-1991 period is commendable. Das misses out this point, even though he acknowledges that the real hero of reforms was not Rao or Manmohan Singh but the bureaucrat A.N.Verma. Nor does he understand that do whatever it may, the bureaucracy stays at the receiving end. Das doesn't make an effort to understand why bureaucrats are the way they are. The very definition of bureaucracy is characterized by impersonality and implmenting policy initiatives, not taking policy initiatives.

Overall, one must read this to get a feel of what the reforms really are beyond mobiles, small cars and SEZs.

Movies, Novels etc watched of late

2008-02-06T20:39:00.000+05:30

Had a great holiday this last week; was in home (yeah...since i m preparing for civils full time away from home) and it was a great relaxing experience. I have followed up with many good movies and novels in this time. Some of the novels I have followed on are:

1. Anne Tylor : Three novels
I got this fiction from American Library and found the stories real entertaining. 'A Ladder of Years', 'Saint Maybe' and 'A patchwork planet' all were great. Based in a place called Baltimore in US, all the three novels are based on day-to-day life of the protagonists. The three novels have been chosen from Anne Tyler's collection of 13 in such a manner that each story deals with the dilemma, trials and tribulations of protagonists of a different age group.

'A Ladder of years' which I liked most was on a woman of 40 who one day, frustrated with being ignored by her husband and children, leaves her house and lives a new life in a new place. We have seen in many Hollywood movies and TV series how some housewives just leave the house someday without explaining anything. We often wonder, what culture is this?! I am sure if u read this story u will get an understanding of what propels them to leave. Not only western housewives, even Indian housewives suffer from desperation in the face of being ignored. Think dude... we all have ignored our mothers at some point of time in spite of the incessant love mothers shower on us. The reason why Indian mothers don't leave, I believe, is that their only support is family and Indian women have never been taught to live without being dependant on a father or husband or son.

2. India Unbound
This is a book by Gurcharan Das on the economic reforms, the (mis) management of India prior to that and post-reform prospects. Good non-fiction to read but there are some setbacks that I will address later in a review I plan to write.

3.Crossing the Rubicon
by Prof. C. Raja Mohan. This book again is based on the 1991 policy watershed brought about by PV Narasimha Rao and team, just like India Unbound. Difference is this book discusses the change in India's foreign policy. Meticulously analyzed and very interesting to read, this book will also be discussed separately.

At home, I don't let the TV rest even for an hour. I set my timing such that the time I get to sleep is also the time when mom sees some saas-bahu drama or Dad watches news. Some of my fave shows are Dragon ball on Cartoon Network, Hannah Montana on Disney Channel, Office Office on Sab TV and Khichdi on Star As for the movies that I have seen, some of the good ones are:

1. The Quick and the Dead
A cool movie of wild west genre, it stars Sharon Stone in a role seen never before. If basic instinct makes her sooo erotic and all, I bet this movie also arouses you even though she is dressed from neck to hilt in a wild west dress and has a menancing cowboy hat on her. It also stars Russell Crowe and Gene Hackman...

2. Alex and Emma
A sweet feel good romance to see this season, that valentine's day is in the corner. Its about a writer who has to write a novel in 30 days sharp from scrap...if he doesn't, he doesn't get paid by the publisher, if he doesn't get paid, a mafia he loans from shall come after him. He hires a stenographer and dictates her a story. As he moves through the novel, weaving the plot and building characters, the pretty stenographer gets involved in the novel's intricasies. And then love happens...and then the stenographer meets a woman of the story...and then they fall apart...and then, you know, they patch up. Its a light comedy, no over-acting and not much complications and good pastime.

3. Deja Vu

4. Hoot
The story isn't very interesting. However I have included this here because I haven't seen many movies on environmental movements...it will be really good if someone captures the Chipko Movement or Narmada Bachao Andolan in celluloid. This movie, hoot, is based in a small town where some owls' nests are located on the fringes. Owls' nests, as you know (or don't know) are built on the ground. An entrepreneur wants to build a shop in that area. A few concerted kids try hard and make the citizens aware of the danger such a shop is to the town and the natural habitat on their fringes

5. A few good men (hadn't you seen this before? Yeah, yeah...had missed this out)

Sacred Games: A review

2008-01-24T23:50:00.001+05:30

"To win is to lose everything.
And the game always wins"

Vikram Chandra. Sacred Games.

Underworld is always a fresh theme to base a story. In spite of numerous hindi movies on it -Company, D, Ab Tak Chappan, Vaastav and recently the Hooda and Vinod Khanna starrer Risk -I have never lost interest in a well-plotted work on underworld. The reason for this, perhaps, is that every new work on Bombay underworld shows a new perspective.

Vikram Chandra's Sacred Games is a well researched attempt to describe Mumbai underworld. Problem with is that it doesn't stick to one single perspective and brings in too many sub-plot which ultimately make the novel too lengthy and exhausts the reader by the time he reaches the end.

The main plot revolves around Sartaj Singh, a middle-aged Sikh inspector in Mumbai police. Though past 40 years of age, he still is an inspector -an honest inspector -and hasn't yet got a promotion. One fine day he gets an anonymous call giving him the whereabouts of the kingpin of G-company Ganesh Gaitonde. He encashes on the scoop and nearly grabs Gaitonde...nearly because Gaitonde commits suicide in a wierd bunker in the middle of Mumbai (he has been known to be out of India). It turns out that the RAW is interested in his death and ask Sartaj for help.

Here starts Sartaj's investigation that spans over counterfeit notes, ISI, RAW and its link with underworld, Bollywood actresses and their past, prostitution and a supposed nuclear threat that the protagonist, quite predictably, quells. The book is well researched and gives vivid descriptions of life in Mumbai slums, life of policemen -corrupt and the ones not so corrupt (can we call anyone honest these days?) -call girls and RAW. We can't however be sure about the RAW descriptions. Worth reading is the part on Gaitonde's life history.

An episode of Gaitonde's life that I enjoyed a lot was his life in prison. Life in prison is well researched and finds lots of mention in novels and movies of western countries. Of note are novels of John Grisham and Stephen King, movies like Con Air and Shawshank Redemption and TV series like 'Prison Break'. We don't find such accounts of Indian jails. There are issues like favouritism, fights, homosexuality and human rights issues that don't find correct mention in Indian works. Chandra has made an effort in this direction.

Where Chandra scores is also the point where his drawbacks lie. It seems like he had done immense research on the varied topics in the novel and was not ready to be selective with his material as per the plot. As a result, he has tried to include lots of plots. This tends to decrease the writer's focus on the main plot. There were many events which were inconsequential to the climax, yet are described in meticulous detail.

Drawbacks apart, the concept was good. The punch line was cool and the funda behind it even cooler.
"To win is to lose everything. And the game always wins"
Life is a game -a game for survival. You always want to win the game, not lose. Your behaviour is always directed towards winning. Rules of the game and definition of 'win' and 'lose' direct player behaviour. If you lose, you lose. If you win the game, you still lose for the game makes you win. The game directs your behaviour. If you play by the rules it is because the game directs you to. If you break rules or play unfair, it is the game and situation it creates that makes you cheat. In short, the game always wins. It defines the rules, the goals and players' behaviour. It wins because players value the goals it sets. This is true for cricket, also life.

Sacred Games is a good read but not a must read.

-------------

PS: Forgot to mention certain things...so adding it today. One aspect of Bombay that's just amazing is that it is just too bad...it is a mean city (not maximum city!). It has no homogeneous culture, yet is not a melting pot. Everyone is what he comes here with and maintains his identity, even while getting enmeshed in the web that is Bombay. If it is so bad, so dark, so mean and cruel, why do people live here? This book gives a critical evaluation of continuity and change in Bombay society...I am told that for a better perspective I should read 'Maximum City' by Suketu Mehta. Will get hold of that some time.

Derailed

2007-11-25T17:40:00.000+05:30

Since sixth of this month i.e since my xams have ended, I have been watching two movies on an average per day...i guess u understand how hectic my days r right now. fact is, i have been so very busy with studies for civils exam-socio, psycho, stats, eco, constitution, history, geo -on practically every subject that can affect an administrator's decision making in the course of his administration that i cudn't get much time to devote on my fave hobby...watching movies.

However, I have more than offset the loss in terms of number of movies per year by over-seeing movies this month. I am at home and have turned a sore for mom -though she won't say that but i know -bcoz at the time she watches one of those saas-bahu sops she finds a star movies or hbo or zee studio on the tv. Well, in the midst of this race to see movies, I saw one yesterday that made me sit and think. Thinking is one thing i do less often these days, as evident from the no of blog entries of late (i almost always chronicle my thts). This movie is Derailed. It has a 6.5 out of 10 IMDB rating...however take my words; its worth a watch.

The movie is basically abt a character played by Clive Owen. He has been portrayed here as a boring business executive, perhaps a kind of loser, who doesn't even get kissed by his wife, He stays on in the marriage because of the daughter who has had a kidney failure and the couple are saving money for 7 yrs now for a dialysis machine for her.

In the midst of this boring life, he faces a setback in office that enforces his feeling of being a loser. At this very point, he meets a lady on the train -completely by chance and too good to be true -you know, the way we often dream of but never get to in real life. This lady, played by Jennifer Aniston, is also a business executive and married. Then starts a love affair which has to culminate in a bed in some hotel room blah blah.

Problem is, they get mobbed while on the act in the hotel room. Further, Aniston gets raped by the one who mobs them (Owen lies unconscious in the hotel room all this time). Now, this guy doesn't leave Owen there. He blackmails Owen constantly and the loser that he is, Owen keeps giving money till the guy is convinced he can't milk Owen further. Besides, he doesn't have many options given the fact that any disclosure will derail his marriage and Aniston is against going to the police -she says she had to go for an abortion after the rape, something which will make any man fall in line with a girl's opinion.

The twist comes next. Due to some turn of events, he finds out that he had been conned. Vincent Cassell and Aniston are lovers who like to con married men this way. On top of that, Vincent has hurt Owen psychologically and left him demoralised.

What I love abt the movie comes just then. Owen is simply out of options. He is hurt; knows he has been made a fool; his self-concept has taken a beating because of the dastardly acts of Cassell; the money he had saved for his daughter is gone. He traces out the gang. At this point, he could have hired a detective (in fact a detective was also trailing these guys) to get his money back and push them into prison. But he decides to go for it alone. Why? Perhaps the voters at IMDB didn't get this part...because he wants to get back the lost confidence.

He goes for this cruel and dangerous gang alone and eliminates them quite dexterously. What deserves to be seen is that given proper motivation, a person is capable of doing just about anything that others can. The secret behind success of self-help books is just this. They provide a sense of self confidence and boosts a person's self-image that mostly gets a beating in this 'evil' world where you will find many bullies and critical commentators in every step to exhaust you emotively.

Truth be said friends, success in life doesn't come from money or wealth or popularity. It comes from having a balanced, happy life. Well, ehh! So they all say -the sadist preachers. But they don't say that one can't achieve absolute success in life thanks to the bullies one has to deal with in the course of his life as a social being in human society. More the positive regard one gets, better his personality structure is and happier he is. Alas! Most of the people we are in company with are somewhat critical of us and we, in turn, are critical of them. In this way, we end up harming and hurting each other. Owen struck back -and in a fatal manner -after his ego couldn't take any more of the torture inflicted on it. This reminds us of the good old law of Newton -Every action has an equal and opposite reaction -how true!

Romance With Behavioural Sciences

2007-08-02T15:41:00.000+05:30

Frustrated with a long drawn out academia in the physical sciences -phy, chem and maths in jee and electrical engg in kgp -i thought why not experiment with the behavoural sciences when I started preparing for civil services, and it has been a really fruitful expt. For the first time, studies have been a romance, romance between me and myself; between me and the society that moulds me.

Psychology and Sociology both are considered arts subjects but I find in them much more challenge than any of the physical sciences. For one, nothing is definite in these subjects.

Take for example sociology. Some great thinkers like Karl Marx, Emile Durkheim and Max Weber have given great theories on how society operates, how the sub-structures and super-structures operate etc. Effort behind these theories is to give an empirical justification for all that has passed in history and make predictions for what may happen in future. Though none of the theories have been fully proved correct, most of them have been validated on case-to-case basis.

The beauty in sociology is the non-linearity that exists in society and the course of history. It is said that "History repeats itself". Sociologists basically try to predict future based on the past. Alas! History doesn't always repeat itself. There is too much of non-linearity in societies; structural differences exist in the ways various societies progress.

Good thing is that sociology forces one to think about his self and his surroundings, take cognizance of all that he had taken for granted and appreciate the role of society in his life. Indeed, Emile Durkheim would tell you that "social facts" are THE determining force on how you behave. You are like a 'robot' whose remote is in the hands of society! He further can convince you that religion is society and the Gods you pray are but manifestations of society.

Though we don't subscribe to such extreme views, what is amazing is the amount of hold society has on man! Why do you dress? Yourself or society? Why do you strive for success? What is your definition of success? Is it your definition or that of the society at large? Social facts, though not the only controlling force on behaviour, is a major one.

This brings us to the second factor that controls human behaviour, the "psychological facts" aka the inner self of man. Before reading psychology, I usually did not understand-or rather never cared to understand -why I do what I do. Also, my understanding of my motives and my ideas were surprisingly flawed!

A study of psychology helped me understand and interpret my actions, my thought process and my emotions. It is not like understanding the trajectory or a projectile or may be understanding how to ride a bicycle. It is more about introspecting on my own behaviour, trying to find out latent meanings to manifestations.

Believe me, psyche of a person -his unconscious self -is so dangerously horrible that its good we have an unconscious to hide these thoughts and feelings and protect us from ourselves! According to celebrated psychoanalytic Sigmund Freud, we are innately drawn towards hedonism. Hence every human is pleasure seeking. However, society can't exist if every human is pleasure seeking. What if sex seeking humans start making love incessantly? Diseases will spread, population will explode etc. What if destruction seeking humans (alll humans have an innate tendency towards death and destruction) keep killing each other? Such things don't happen because of society. Now you must be having a faint idea about why Durkheim considered society an external remote that controls and constrains human behaviour!

Society prohibits our innate tendencies to vent out.
These innate tendencies, as a result, become repressed in the unconscious part of our psyche.
Interaction between socially learnt values and innate tendencies lead to human behaviour.
Confusion between social values and innate drives (you will be horrified if ever you know what goes on in your mind!) leads to maladaptive behaviour.

My interactions with sociology and psychology have been nothing short of romance.

High on caffeine

2007-06-26T12:08:00.000+05:30

Some people work their ass out in office, while others just pass time. So cheap and readily time is available that one can't help but cut through time.

Visit to ACC cement postponed. No commitment on energy survey project. Conclusion? No work but have to spend eight hrs in office -eight long hours. No movies. No orkut. No nonsense. There are others who got work to do (at least they say so!). So what? Gape at the desktop screen.

First cup of coffee. Somewhat concentrated. Cools the senses. Ready for some timepass. Rediff and NDTV. Second cup. Have some fun with adsense. start doing all kind of silly stuff for 1-2 dollars.

Third cup. An odd feeling. I wish there were pot to lighten the heart. But none. Don't feel like doing much of nything. Another cup. Now definitely feeling something. But unable to make out nything of the physiological sensation.

Secretary tells Manmohan wants to meet me.
"Who Manmohan?"
"The prime minister of India"
"of what?"
"Of India"
"What is that?"
"A country of not much significance sir"
"Tell him to wait. Let me have a cup of coffee"

Give up on counting the number. Suffice with nth cup. feel drowsy. Want something to stay awake. May be some carnal deviation. Damn those IT department people who banned porn sites.
"Secretary"
"Yes sir"
"Get me a gal"
"Any specific choice sir?"
"Paris Hilton?"
"She is in jail because of drunken driving. Any other"
"Get anyone. But should be wild. Want some challenge in life"
"ok sir"
"and yes, make it blonde"
"sure sir"

Secretary vanishes. While waiting, feel like having another cup of coffee. That secretary is taking too long. Shouldn't do so unless he is shipping her from Mars. Mars reminds me, its creating too much problem in interplanetary relations.
"Colonel Alevonchovich"
"Sire. At your service" he oddly bows in front of my cubicle.
"Whats their problem?"
"Mars?"
"No...yes"
"They are ready to bring down the revolt. Just want you to declare your son born to one of their queens be declared crown prince"
"How many queens I got from there?"
"Thirteen sir"
"How come I don't remember that. How many children?"
"One minute sir" the colonel says, hurriedly trying to find something from a list in his laptop.
"Take your time" I say and dismiss him.

Made a mistake there. The stupid takes an eternity to find my kids. I gulp down a few cups of coffee before captain cook comes with a swollen face.
"Yes"
"Your highness, there is a problem"
"What?"
"Jack Sparrow has hijacked one of our ships navigating over alpha centauri" he says, shivering.
"What?" I roar and try to stand in rage, but can't. Coffee has its effects; but I can't hide my displeasure "Jack Sparrow! That ass of a pirate. Of what use are you if you can't catch him"
I ring a buzzer that brings in two heavily built female guards in bikini.
"Here ladies. Take this idiot from here, feed his dick to the crows and put him in a dungeon"
The captain pleads as he is dragged away by the guards.

I have to calm myself down. Order another cup of coffee.
"So whom to make the next captain? Who will contain these obnoxious pirates?" I wonder out aloud.
"May be Tarakasur...that giant is very ruthless" tells julia, my pet sapiens from inside her cage. I throw a piece of biscuit at her to shut her moron mouth up. Tarakasur has been in my service for little over six centuries; his loyalty is in no doubt, nor is his ruthlessness. But I need someone really smart to oversmart Jack Sparrow.
"A chicken piece master" julia says, disturbing my serious thoughts, greedily eyeing a plate full of chicken on my workstation.

I get enraged; pick a whip, open her cage and start beating her. Then I call for one of the apes in the office zoo and make it piss on her. That would contain julia to her limits, I think.

Another cup of coffee. A turbaned ass enters forcefully into my cubicle even as the female guards try to stop him.

"His majesty, please listen"
I magnanimously stop the guards.
"Who you"
"I am Manmohan Singh. The prime minister of India"
"So?"
"Your highness, I want to have free trade agreement with your kingdom"
"And what is that?"
"It means..."
"Anyways, I don't like your looks. I won't"
"Sir Please. Please" he pleads like a small kid. He gets hold of my arm and shakes it vigorously. I get wild with rage. How dare he even touch me. I turn around and push him, only to realize he isn't Manmohan Singh. He is my boss.

"What indiscipline is this?" Gurminder Singh, my boss, screams after having saved himself from a fall.
"Sir...eh...sir"
"How dare you sleep in office? Is that why you are paid"
"Sir...uh...won't happen again" a chicken voice comes out of my mouth.

Moral: You may work your ass out or you may not; you may earn millions or peanuts. Coffee in office may be free or chargeable. Still, you are subordinate to your boss...one can just dream about being the one in control

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

2007-06-21T10:25:00.000+05:30

Fantasies are usually constructed around struggle between good and bad. Why fantasies, most modern day fictions, movies (save but feel good movies like The Devil Wears Prada) and documentaries and editorials of ideologically inclined newspapers are spun around the concept of good and the bad.

So who is good? The western world or Islamic revolutionaries? And who is bad -capitalists of the west bent on world domination or Islamic terrorists? No doubt, answer depends on who wins -CNN or Al Jazeera -in struggle to bring the 'truth' to your home.

So why is everything divided into good and a bad? Good and bad are subjective perceptions and these can be influenced upon and are subject to change.

Who is to blame for partition of India? Jinnah or Gandhi? Pakistani and Indian histories have different tales to tell. History, advocates of post-modernism believe, is highly subjective and seriously compromises on the truth. It is grossly affected by biases of the writer' and the reader.

Talking in terms of social sciences, an idea leads to a thesis. A debate on the thesis, or an objection to the thesis leads to a conflicting idea called the antithesis. Hence, we know that there are two dominant and mutually antagonistic views on anything and everything.

Humans, by nature, don't have the ability to take objective truth at face value. We try to fit all new information we get into preexistent schemas. These schemas, in turn, are based on our attitudes and beliefs. A mismatch between an existing belief (schema) and new information leads to cognitive dissonance. Since it is not easy to change attitudes, people discount facts that are in contradiction to their self-belief.

A differentiation between good and bad is also made as an instrument of persuasion. It is easy to change the attitude of an individual or to create new attitude if one strikes at emotions of the individual. Perhaps that is the reason why movies that show allied win over axis powers in World War 2 are 'inspirational', so also fantasy movies like Lord of The Rings.

This leads us to a very pertinent question -a question on the institution of religion in society. All major religions are based on a struggle between good and bad ultimately leading to victory of the righteous. Mythologies and folklores are driven on this duality. In Hinduism, we have Gods and rakshasas, God and Satan in Christianity, and the believers and kafirs in Islam.

Perhaps the only major world religion which isn't based on this theme is Buddhism. Buddhism, in its original form, wasn't a religion in fact. Gautam Buddha was silent on existence of God and Buddhism had emerged as a school of thought within Hinduism. However, it can't be denied that as Buddhism spread over various countries of east Asia, many folklores and local myths got integrated with the religion to give it a local flavor and better appeal. Point to note here is that man's belief on the supernatural has always been based on two metaphysical elements -God and Satan. God is credited for good luck and Satan is blamed for all that is bad in life.

We humans, in spite of all the achievements that may lead us to believe we can control nature, are weak. We are powerless against nature. We are powerless against destiny. Hence the need to develop shields to protect us -both physically and psychologically -against these forces. 'Good' and 'bad' are defense mechanisms man uses to bring in consistency in thought process.

I take the liberty to conclude at this stage that no one is good; and no one is bad. Perception is an indispensable weapon for us humans to defend ourselves from the ugly -from objective truth.

Not much time for blogging

2007-06-07T08:16:00.000+05:30

Finding time, maanagement consultants will tell you, is not a problem and so all that 'don't have time for this and that'are just excuses.

Believe me, I don't have an ounce of time even for my fave pastime, blogging. First, there is office. Now that I am a research consultant, I have to be on the run perpetually. I was to Faridabad yesterday and have to go today and tomorrow also for India Today Press auditing... then there is sree cements, Baewar later this month and power quality study of some chemical plant in MP lined up. On top of that, my studies aren't going quite the way I had expected; feel sleepy after going back from office and so can't concentrate. I guess I have put too many eggs in my bag and so am unable to carry them

Fear and Loathing in New Delhi

2007-05-29T10:10:00.000+05:30

Some addictions are hard to let go. Take for example the life of a prince or a grad trainee aka GT of Tata Steel for that matter. This last one year that I was in Jamshedpur, I was made to think that I am at top of the world. I was treated in Jamshedpur like 'the chosen one' though there were 24 others with me. What luxury life was there! Hostel life, great friends to hang out with, mess food (I used to pester Arindam a lot on the quality of food), a deep and long 'nap' in the afternoon et all. I could not appreciate all that Tata Steel -the magnanimous org -did for me while I was there.

Today I am on my own.

New Delhi. Here everyone means business. Everyone seems to be in a rush -rush to make more money, more and more money.

First day was all fun. Met old friends, hung around and took the flavor of Metro's elephant teeth -the not so beautiful girls trying to look sexy, the huge malls, McD and KFC.

Then came the real ordeal. Get a house on rent, buy household items and travel long distances for food to start with. The word food reminds me that I should thank Arindam Chou -long live our mess secy -for the great food he managed to get us in Jam. Food in Delhi sucks unless you go to one of the costlier ones -Just Paranthas, Ethnic etc -and if you go to these on a regular basis, be ready to stay on alms for half of the month. Many of my friends have to live on burgers and pizzas for most of the time.

I had found Delhi a clean city. That was before I got to the lanes and residential areas where real Delhi is, where people of Delhi stay. It is aptly said, that elephants and capitals have different sets of teeth to show and to eat. Traffic in Delhi is very disciplined on the main road and very unruly on other roads. Most of my friends travel by metro or bus. Traffic rules are stringent and amateur bikers often get fined (500 to 1k bucks). Accidents are so common that the safety personnel of Tata Steel would get a heart attack on seeing the statistics.

TERI, Lodhi Road. The organization is cool. The complex in which my office is located also boasts of an art exhibition gallery, a huge library cum literary hotspot, ILO India headquarters and a conference hall where one gets to see new people everyday. There isn't much work in office -have been entrusted with a year long UNDP project on energy consumption in Indian Metros and I don't intend to spend more than a week or so on it (after all a Kgpian!). It still is hard to adjust to the office.Timings are from 9:30 to 5:30 with a break from 1:00 to 1:30 PM. On top of that, there aren't many luncheon options nearby. I still have to figure out how to have my food.

The movie Metro claims that the city takes more from you than it gives you. I have come here without anything but my soul and dreams. Whether the statement is right or not, only time can tell.

Harry Potter and The Deadly Hallows: My Take

2007-05-01T20:03:00.000+05:30

Everyone is making guesses at what's going to happen in book 7 about to come up in July. After reading the spoof version of the book, I thought I would put down my predictions:

One of the Weasley's is gonna die and not at the end like other HP books. This time, whole novel is going to be action paced. Perhaps the spoof got this point right. Tragedies will keep coming in definite intervals. My guess is that Mrs. Weasley or one of the twins will die, reasons being they are the most adored by the readers

There is going to be lots of blood spillage

The most unimportant persons are going to hold centre stage in book 7. What happens during a war? People at high places who work behind the screens come to the fore. Do you know who the commander of strategic Division of India is? No. But he is much more important to the country than any other. He guards all strategic weapons (nuke, missiles etc) of the country. Same applies for every situation. A very strong new character will evolve in this book... or may be someone not given much significance earlier will become significant

The course of events in all previous books were not affected by Harry. Rather, Harry was affected by them. Lets admit this, Harry is too young to go hunting for Voldemort himself. Showing Potter as the man in command, influencing the course of events in the book, will be a challenge for JKR if she attempts to do that.

If you people remember, Harry had stopped Sirius from killing Wormtail in book 3. After Wormtail had escaped, Voldemort told Harry that a wizard always returns favours.

There are good chances that Wormtail and Malfoy will defect to the Order. Draco Malfoy has shown some tendencies to reform in previous books. He didn't have the heart to kill Dumbledore at the end of Book 6.

Aberforth Dumbledore, Prof. D'dore's brother had been introduced in Book 6 but not given any significant role. A person carrying the "Dumbledore" brand name won't be introduced for nothing. He may play a key role in this book

JKR has said that one of the pivotal characters of previous books will be coming back. That can be Cedric, Sirius or Dumbledore. Dumbledore coming back will make some sense

I have always felt that JKR develops very sound characters and vividly builds up their personality. But of most, I liked the build up of Snape's personality. Snape is one person who has been there all through, maintained a no-nonsense and detached attitude but has been by Dumbledore's side all through. That was one reason why it was tough for me to believe he can deceive D'dore in Book 6. There are three possibilities -he has always been on the dark side, he is opportunistic and that he is on Dumbledore's camp. It is not true that he has always been on the dark side as he has steered clear of Voldemort before and in fact has also saved Harry on occasions. If he is opportunistic, it makes sense. He always wanted the defense against dark arts post but Dumbledore never gave it to him. When he thought he can defect back to Voldemort and gain from it, he jumped over. Yet, it is tough to believe a smart man like Dumbledore didn't see through it. In deed, Dumbledore was more close to him than Minerva McGonagall

I think, Snape really didn't kill Dumbledore. With his expertise of dark arts, he probably transmigrated Dumbledore to another object/person so as to gain Voldemort's confidentiality. Or may be, he will draw the big con by reviving Dumbledore from a Horcrux!

By merlin, what kind of ideas come to my mind!

Harry Potter and The Deadly Hallows: A Review

2007-05-01T19:03:00.000+05:30

The book is set to release in July, so how can I review the book now? Well, I used a little magic to do that.

It so happens that some Potter maniac has written a 659 pages long tome starting where book 6 ended. My friend and co-pottermaniac since school days Manolin got hold of this copy.

Even though I appreciate this guy (or girl) for all the effort he/she has put in, anyone who reads a mere fifty pages easily makes out it isn't JK Rowling matter. One major blunder that this writer has made is that he has shown too much of romance between Harry and Ginny. In fact, she has been given too much of presence in the story. Perhaps the writer lost focus of the fact that the story always revolves around Harry, Hermione and Ron. All others are secondary to the story. Ginny amazingly takes up much more space than Hermione. Also, Harry's love -rather infatuation -is a subsidiary element that had to be show in book 6 since he is a teenager now. He is in the middle of a war now and I am sure won't fool around with a girl.

Lets make one thing clear here. Hermione is the heroine of Harry Potter Series. Little of her witty deductions and investigations was portrayed in this book. So also the humorous tussle between her and Ron. She is the smartest of the trio. Harry is not the hero; he may be the protagonist but he isn't just the hero. This story lifts him to the level of hero figure, that which JKR will never do.

There is a huge deficiency in this spoof from the point of creativity. When Harry starts searching for the remaining horcruxes, he doesn't face with much challenge. To get his hands at the cup horcrux, he has to face a huge dragon. Such a situation has already been seen in Book 5. The way Harry tackles the dragon -by jumping over the firebolt -is also ditto same as the previous one. When Harry hunts out the locket horcrux, same inferno stuff that he and Dumbledore had faced in Book 6 is repeated. There hasn't been anything new in the wizarding world as such. The writer just tries to built on the events.

Most of the characters aren't strongly built and the story has been narrated just plainly. Besides, I have always seen Harry and Co. as innocent kids. They getting fussy about Ginny's push-up bra doesn't go down well with me.

Salient points of the duplicate version of book7:

Harry Potter is the seventh Horcrux

The minister of magic dies. Umbridge becomes the interim minister and makes matter worse by trying to broker a deal with the dark lord

Voldemort double crosses Umbridge and takes over the ministry

Draco Malfoy is being pursued by death eaters because of some lame reason and he has taken sanctuary with the Order (that is very improbable given the fact that the Malfoys were involved in Black's and Dumbledore's murder)

Lupin dies trying to save Harry

Percy Weasley, the kid in ministry dies while being tortured by Snape to disclose Order's whereabouts

Harry has premonitions about where to look for the horcruxes; in the sense he kind of felt where to get the horcruxes. Come on! This is the world of wizards, it doesn't mean you make anything happen.

Dudley, it seems, is a wizard. His wizarding tendencies had been suppressed by Dumbledore. Aunt Petunia and Dudley's role in the story have been subject to much speculations since long. This book doesn't come out convincingly on the issue.

This time around, Pansy Parkinson deceives Potter (I don't think this will happen in the original as Potter shouldn't trust anyone, let alone slytherins with death eater background after all that has happened -unless of course if he isn't ready to learn from mistakes of previous six years)

Malfoy fights on Harry's side towards the end, even though he has his own reasons

R.A.B at the end of Book 6 hasn't been satisfactorily exploited

Enough of this book. If you haven't had your hands on this book, I recommend don't read this at all. Wait for a couple of months till the original comes up. Enjoy it. Everyone is making guesses at what's going to happen in book 7. I shall present my take in my next blog entry.

Decision Making

2007-04-27T22:19:00.000+05:30

There is a hot chick in the coffee shop giving you the looks n smiles and there is a presentation to be made to higher management in half an hour and you are running out of time to make the slides. What do you do?

I often wonder how many decisions man makes in a lifetime. Taking into account the fact that 'change of mind' occurs in a matter of seconds, it can be comfortably be said that man takes more decisions in a lifetime than the number of minutes he spends on this planet. Indeed, decision making, which is inherent in us, is just as crucial for life as breathing. Decision making forms a major chunk of research work in psychology and abnormalities in a person's decision making ability leads to severe psychic disorders.

How tough a decision is not only depends on the type of choices but also on the person who has to take the decision. People at the top management of any company take prompt and confident decisions. In fact, management is all a game of decision making. On the other hand, there are people who take hours to decide on a birthday gift for a two year old kid who gets amused at just anything. It is because of these people that you see lots of crowd in shopping malls. These are the people who keep changing their decision every instant.

I am a master of indecision.

Yeah, yeah. When it comes to taking a decision, I am miserable. I mean, why can't someone have everything in life? Bigger question -why can't life take its course? A teacher in secondary school had once told me that there are two or more roads at any juncture on the face of this planet and in the life of a person. One road is always better than the others. "So how do we know which road to take?" I had asked him. Any B-school professor will tell you rate your options, look at your constraints and priorities, take your experience into consideration etc. The teacher in secondary had said that you never know which path is best for you! So follow the path your heart says.

We Indians are very passionate about our heart. 'mere dil ki awaaz suno' 'aap mere dil ke mehmaan ho gaye' and 'aap kyun mere dil mein permanently baith gaye?'. A whole lucrative film industry runs on the concept of dil aka heart. Frankly, everyone talks about following the heart here but I doubt anyone must be doing that. One can't just divorce oneself from the head sitting over the torso that interferes in each and every physiological and psychological function. My head rules the land, leaving an inconsequential pumping activity to the heart.

The teacher did make sense. At least better than the business gurus who discourse their opinion so confidently that you get convinced they can show you the path to neverland. I have often felt an impulsive zeal to do something but could never really get down to doing it. Few days back, I was facing a serious career related dilemma and believe me it made me very miserable. Unlike a majority of people in this country and in the world, I draw a decent salary, have good food, have access to many sources of entertainment and live among intellectually competent people. Still I am not happy. One major reason for this, I think, is the fact that I am really bad at taking decisions and have a bad habit of moaning over past decisions.

I guess you think this crap is getting too serious for my blog. Fine, no more of it. From the moment I started typing this entry till now, I have managed to take one good decision -that I will avoid taking decisions as much as possible. But then, you can't just avoid every decision in life. Some are simple:

What type of girl would you prefer: Whitey, Latino, black, Indian or Chinese? I know beggars can't be choosers, but if given a choice (even though I never am gonna get that lucky) I will go for Latino.

You are going to face death. Would you prefer a). a hungry tiger b). a hungry crocodile and c). a bunch of hungry rats?

On the contrary some are real tough:

If given a choice, who would you prefer tohang out with: a). a Bengali b). a Sardar and c). a south indian who doesn't know Hindi. You keep wondering whose company will be least tortuous.

Rani is pregnant with my baby

2007-04-20T14:25:00.000+05:30

Damn! How cheap the news channels have become! Some actor farts and it is in the news. Rakhi Sawant says she likes sweets and it is in the news. And now, the mother of all junk news -a model cum actress (small time obvi) claims she is married to Abhishek Bachchan -just a day ahead of his marriage -and its all over the news. Irony of the fact is, every news channel has dedicated hours on this girl (or woman?), dug up every little bit of her history & made her the talk-of-the-town; yet reporters of every channel comment that she is doing it all for cheap publicity, for getting media attention etc. Seems like you guys are forgetting something -that you are the bloody media.

With the mushrooming of news channels, how easy it has become to gain cheap popularity! Believe me dude, if someday you feel like coming on tv, just call up Aaj Tak or any of the other channels showing similar stuff, take five shots of vodka, climb up to the roof and start a drama that you would commit suicide if Rani Mukherjee (Aish not being an option anymore) doesn't admit that she has secretly married you on so and so date in so and so mandir, so and so bhagwan ko sakshi manke (with so and so God as witness).

So why has journalism stooped to such low standards in India?A root cause analysis will give us many reasons. First, news channels have suddenly mushroomed in India from the pre-1992 days when just half an hour news per day was the norm. Now that dedicated news channel are up and running, they need 'matter' to show. Interestingly, some news channels like Aaj Tak realized that Indians -rich and poor, literate and illiterate- have a great appetite for gossip, masala news and saas-bahu type dramas. No doubt people in senior management of such channels don't give a damn to journalism -they just run channels as business houses to earn money. Media, often called the fourth pillar of democracy, needs to be run on ethical high grounds. It needs the passion more than zeal to earn money.

On second thoughts, what can these poor chaps do? Of late, there hasn't been any riot, or sex scandal. Mr. Bin Laden has been the most unkind to them, staying dormant for so long except for the occasional threatening tapes (and these tapes also have ceased to create any ripple). Natural disasters are pretty sporadic and come once in a while. In short, there is a famine of news for these guys. What can these news channels possibly show to fill up the 24*7 time schedule?

Truth is, there is never a dearth of sensible news in this country. Thousands of people in this country are dying of hunger while many others are dying to narrate tales of injustice meted out to them. Thousands of burning issues don't come to public eye because of dearth of investigative journalism. Biggest threat to India as a nation today are the maoists who have securely rooted themselves all through from the north east down south to Andhra Pradesh. I bet very few people in this country know the real extent of threat these people are to us. And even fewer are aware of the maoist-politician nexus. In absence of public opinion on such sensitive issues, the government sits tight and neglects these sensitive issues.

The Pursuit of Illusion

2007-03-25T12:48:00.000+05:30

Hey thr
Long time no see

Actually, i have been quite busy of late....well thats a lame excuse -the truth being, there wasn't anything exciting in my life going on in past few months to induce my lazy ass to sit down and scribble down a few words.

Then why now? Fact is, Tata Steel -God bless the company -after seeing the unseen: zero attrition among graduate trainees in first six months of joining (a first since early nineteen eighties) decided to take us on an industrial tour to the Deccan.

And so we started off to the south. Our first stoppage was Chennai. A welcome change. After an industrial visit to Ford Motors, we were supposed to be off to Bangalore. However, a day's off was given before the next industrial visit in Bangalore. A sub-group of GTs had decided to drop by Puducherry for that day instead of spending it in Bangalore.

I sure wanted to see many places in the short period we were sent to the Deccan but had no special reason for joining the Pondicherry/ puducherry (from now on Pondy in my text) trip. Recollecting now, I think that was one good decision I took in my messy life.

To start with, the road journey was marvelous. We started in night in a Qualis. The roadside dhaba where I had my dinner, the beautifully lighted smooth road and the fun we had during the trip stay buried deep in my mind, because of my incompetence in expressing them here.

Auro's dad being an ardent devotee of Sri Aurobindo Ashram and a regular visitor, he had no problem in getting us accommodation in an ashram guest house made by Oriya devotees. We crashed into our beds as soon as we reached there at two in the night, soon to be woken up by Shoby (at half past four I guess). We hurried off to the sea shore for a rendezvous with the rising Sun.

The shore was in itself a great experience. The continental interface of sea in Pondy being rocky, there is no natural beach (as we later found out, there is a patch of natural beach on the wide coastline which is privately owned by Auro Villa members*). By the sea were cliffs and huge rock formations and just beyond that was the road. Seeing people jogging at early hours of dawn, I started wondering when was it last that I had woken up so early for some exercise. Occasional scenes of foreign babes (are they all born babes?) jogging down the road were feast for the hungry eyes. Srawan aka Mota especially relished on the view, laughing in his characteristic demoniac way, lascivious saliva dripping down his mouth and his belly making jugular leaps.

For those who, in this fast moving world, are getting frustrated with anything and everything, I recommend two medicines. Porn or a view of the ferocious Sun God rising over the sea on eastern horizon, having metamorphosed into a small cute red ball. Both are a feast to the eyes.

And if you are here, don't miss the beautiful church overlooking the beach. Its a magnificent piece of architecture of the colonial period. For all those who have been to Pondicherry but have missed it, pictures are attached.

Pondy the city's name is synonymous with Sri Aurobindo Ashram. Aurobindo Ghosh, a militant freedom fighter, running from the British, had taken refuge in French territory of Pondicherry. After coming here, he started having a spiritual outlook of life. With the passage of time, he started an ashram here devoted to some philosophy that in layman terms boils down to leading a contended and immaterial life.

The environment in Aurobinda ashram was serene and passive. The lunch we got at a paltry was also simple. In spite of the mysteriously pleasant feeling such an environment gives, I couldn't help imagining how people spend their whole life doing small selfless jobs like cooking, plantation and making handicraft products in the ashram. It was too passive. I then thought that only those who are frustrated with life come here.

It so happens that the ashram is famous because Aurobindo's most ardent disciple 'Mother', so also most other disciples and patrons are foreigners. Makes sense...only foreigners (aka rich people) have the luxury think about stuff like meaning of life, wealth, selflessness and salvation etc. There were many brahmins in 3td century BC but only princes -Gautama and Mahavira -started their spiritual order. You won't find many Indians in Auro Villa because poor dear Indians don't have the luxury to ponder on such philosophies and give up everything to stay here. We are happy with our belief in the metaphysical.

On a concluding note, I would like to say that the philosophy of Aurobindo indeed
makes sense. If every human satisfies his basic needs and just these (may be a little comfort too), this world's resources can easily satiate the needs of every individual in this vast population. But no. We need more. If I got a Jaguar, I would like to go for a Ferrari (not that I have any of these or will get any by selling myself off). It is all a pursuit of illusion.

But is it really a pursuit of illusions? Shoby argues that man yearns for more -for more power, prestige and money -because of insecurity or aspirations or both. There is a 'fear of getting lost' in this vast world. Everyone wants to make a status of himself...and this has given rise to a rat race. Ultimately one is either buried or blown to ashes and no one knows what happens to the soul, if there is one (religious leaders can only speculate...that too every religion has its own theory on life and death and religious conglomerates like Hinduism have quite a lot of theories).

Some gentleman has aptly said that even if you win a rat race, you are but a rat.

I am back in the real world (the world of rats, you and me) and have put all that nonsense behind me. Pondicherry has stayed on as a hangover. Alas! You can get vodka in any pub in Jamshedpur but not the flavor of Pondicherry.

Ari And The Bitch

2007-03-07T02:39:00.000+05:30

You can not estimate the real extent of damage continued exposure to Ari can have on one’s nervous systems if you haven’t been with him for a while. Irony is that, by the time you experience the effects of his company on your nervous system, you are mad beyond redemption so much so that you can’t communicate the effects to any sane individual.
No, Ari isn’t one of those supernatural brain sucking mammals that you find mostly in the realms of fantasy. He is a human, of blood and flesh, much like us; albeit much more sophisticated (some contend much less sophisticated) than us. He has become so unpopular that girls dread to go anywhere near him with the fear of losing their virginity and mothers fear that his shadow can have adverse effect on their kids.
This story, however, pertains to a time when he wasn’t that unpopular. He was as dangerous then as he is now, but like-a-human that he looked, none knew the ass that he is. His previous history is hazy –some say he hails from a mental hospital, some say from some Bengali college and still others insist it means the same thing –but it can definitely be said that he had always been like this. Arindam Choudhary had joined Lala Steel (company name changed to avoid any unpopularity for its HR team) as a graduate trainee (GT) and resided in the trainees’ hostel with twenty four other graduate trainees.
At first look, some of his fellow trainees took his hypocritical approach as a sign of sophistication and a mature personality. This view changed into amusement in just a couple of days. The amusement had changed into headache in just about a week’s time. Ari was nearly a social outcast. Nearly but not absolutely for there was this one chap –Hagendra Verma –popularly called Hagga (hindi for Shit) who had forged a close friendship with him. Many theorists believe that this was possible because Arindam couldn’t suck his brain out; Hagga, it seems, suffered from a severe lack of neurotic cells.
Incidentally, a group of trainees from another company were also housed in the same hostel. The group had a couple of hot chicks and the starved eyes of Lala Steel GTs relished on these. Ari, sophisticated that he thought he was, went a step forward. He started befriending one of the girls, Miss. Y. This girl, Y, was smart, quite pretty and extrovert; one of those new age girls who believe in living the moment. It can’t be denied that Ari’s association with this girl had infuriated a few others and they started calling this lady ‘The Bitch’. It is not tough to find losers in this country who slang every girl who doesn’t confirm to the stereotype ‘Indian girl’ attitude.
Ari had, for the first time in his life, found bliss. He took her for coffee, for dinner and to booze parties. Though some people marked insecurity in his behavior whenever he went out with her, nevertheless he was deeply in love. He had become so possessive about her that he couldn’t tolerate when anyone called her a ‘hot chick’ on his face. Once, Choby-E-Bose and Bhobho Sharma had called her ‘The Bitch’ (the standard nomenclature) in his presence. It infuriated him so much that he requested them to show her some respect. He would have, it is believed, confronted them had his Bengali brothers –GopalDa and PranoyDa –been on his side.
Public, and perhaps Ari, had by now assumed that she was Ari’s girlfriend. Alas! She wasn’t. If one closely marked, she was as friendly to Hagga and Rajat –Ari’s only companions –as she was to Ari. Besides, she insisted on paying her own bills for coffee, dinner and booze.
With passage of time, she was found with Hagga and Rajat more often than Ari. No doubt, she was experiencing the same effects of Ari as the other GTs had. As Rajat had declared her a foster sister, a new theory started flouting in chat circles – that she was giving up Ari for Hagga. Many wondered what was so special in that Hagga, descendant of the ancient ogres of Jhansi and neighboring hills. Mind you, Ari is no novice. He had made his calculations. Rajat was Y’s foster brother and he was sure she won’t give him up for Hagga. Unfortunately, like many other politicians who think they are smart but they aren’t, he had miscalculated. He had no idea that its not the looks but the attitude girls are after. As I have no experience or insight into a lady’s likings and tastes and as I don’t personally think Hagga has any attitude, I would just put forth that she found Hagga more amiable than Ari. The theory that was making the rounds in gossip circles about Hagga and The Bitch and the tragic exclusion of Ari got authenticated when The Bitch (not the writer’s words) gifted Hagga a silver ring.
Next we know, Ari ran off to Kolkata for the weekend. After he came back, he stopped talking to anyone, avoided hanging out with Hagga and instead of going to the mess, ordered food to his room. With passage of time, however, his wounds started healing. He courageously faced the mocking GTs, The Bitch who acted as if nothing had happened and Hagga, the Brutus of his tragic story.
One evening, Hagga, Rajat and The Bitch were planning to go out for booze. For old times’ sake, The Bitch asked Hagga to call Ari. When Hagga came calling, Ari was in a fix. He wanted to act as if he had no sore feelings and at the same time didn’t want to go through the emotional trauma. He decided to courageously face the truth and consented to go for the booze party
There was no stopping Ari at the booze party. Unable to see Hagga and his Y together, he immersed himself in vodka. Though vodka provided his heart the healing touch, it let his mouth loose. He started mumbling all type of non-sense. At one point, he hysterically shouted “THE BITCH”
Whole assemblage in the bar was looking at him. Even under the influence of vodka, saw the hazy image of his Y and Hagga glaring at him.
“Life…Life” he tried to explain “Life is a bitch”
My kids wonder if Ari (I keep then away from him) was always so formidable and invincible as he is now. One day, when they understand the caprices of Cupid and the strange ways in which love can win over the darkest of Satan’s mercenaries, I shall narrate them this story.

How can IITians help in nation buildin

2006-11-23T10:13:00.002+05:30

19th century, it is said, was the best time to be a British and 20th century to be an American. No doubt, 21st century is the best period to be an Indian. Never before was the level of confidence in us so high, in spite of the rich heritage and past glories, as it is today. With budgets at an all time high, capital being pumped in at a dizzying pace by foreign investors, Indian companies reaching out to and buying out iconic business firms and India making a huge presence in every international political equation, there are no doubts that India is the next big superpower. Gone are the days when India was seen as a country of snake charmers, rope tricks and pompous maharajas; it is now being seen as a country producing entrepreneurs, efficient doctors and IITians.

IITians have, by and large, been the biggest brand in recent times to reach out to the world and heralding the coming-of-age of Indians. While pondering over the role of ‘the titans’ in nation building, we must first ask to ourselves, is the situation in India as rosy as it is painted? India ranks 126th on HDI index prepared by UN this year, has a high incidence of starvation deaths and an ever-increasing number of educated unemployed youth. There hasn’t been much improvement in quality of education and research within the country.

IITians can, and have, helped in nation building in many ways. We have set new benchmarks in the fields of technology and management and have made significant contributions to the IT revolution in the country. The Indian Diaspora, led by IITians, have become a huge presence in the world over and have helped in making huge bargains in the country’s interests, so much so that both democrats and republicans came out in support of the civil nuclear treaty.

PJ King Pankaj Jha Speaks...

2006-06-28T08:34:00.000+05:30

People here think my creation and upbringing is but one of the hidden conspiracy of the denizens of the dark under the overall supervision of Satan to take over this planet from the Angels of humour land. True, I am the source of many a despicable and rotten PJs that have struck the population of this planet but what people don’t understand is that PJing is an art and I am an artist.

Most of my classmates don’t usually entertain me with a position in their friends’ circle or give me a chance to speak out for myself. There was a time when people weren’t much aware of my PJing ability and so used to patiently tolerate my jokes. But not long after I was cast away from all chitchats in campus.

I have wanted to express myself since a long time but never got an opportunity to. True, we have a PJ thread in the Mutter Forum, the official online forum of our institute but none but PJayers dare to enter the thread. On top of that people have a general notion that PJs are more harmful to the nervous system than pot. It was then that the inquisitive author of this collection came by and asked me to speak out. However, he has asked me to keep it short and impersonal so that no permanent damage is caused to the reader’s nerves. He wants me to state, in a very non-fiction format, the definition, origins and types of PJ.

Though there is no official definition to the acronym, PJ as you all know, is short for Poor Jokes. PJ-Bashers often malign the meaning by calling it Pathetic Jokes. Yet others call it by varied other names like Perverted Joke, Porny Joke and Plain Joke. Being a PJ specialist, I know that Pathetic J, Perverted J, Porny J and Plain J are but different sub-varieties of PJs, Pathetic Jokes being the largest grouping of all.

There is no clear dividing line that marks out a pathetic joke from any other PJ. For example: Which is the largest integration? National Integration. This is a typical example of a PJ but I bet most of you readers believe it is a pathetic joke. But then if it is pathetic, then tell me what type of a joke is this:

Why do we see a lightning before we hear it?

Because our eyes are ahead of our ears.

PJing is an art and the first rule of enjoying a PJ is by not trying to find logic behind it. Yet there is a class of PJs that have huge intellectual matter attached to them. For example, try to find out what a person is trying to tell you when he welcomes you saying:

“ABBBAAABABABAABABBBAAABBAABAABBABABABBABABABABAABBBBAAABABABAAABBBAABBBAAABABAABABABABAABBBBBAAABABABAAABBBAABBBAAABABABAABABBBAAABBAABAABBABABABBABABABABAABBBBBAAABABABAAABBBAABBBABBBAAABABABAABABBB”

You need a special intellectual bent of mind and a keen observance of English, the language, to get the welcome message. It says ‘Long time no see’. Don’t get it still? Well, this is no coded message. The message is self evident: ‘Long time no C’. For such PJs you just need to make use of your common sense.

Second rule of PJ is regarding original PJs. There are very few original PJs and the creators of these are the real PJ Masters. The rule states that best PJs are conceived in a state of frustration. The classic cricket PJ:

“Why is Sourav Ganguly a coward?

Because he is afraid of Duck”

was conceived by a pal who was extremely depressed after a bad innings by India (I guess I don’t have to explain to you that duck means zero runs)

Acknowledge the source when you are copying another’s PJs. This sure is a tough task for most PJs don’t have any patented source, nor is there any intellectual property law that holds for PJs. If you can’t get at the source, at least don’t pretend it is your own. Seems like these rules are becoming too bizarre for you readers to digest. So just a small joke to chill you out: ‘If there was a patent system for PJs, what would it be called?’

PaeJent!!!!

Third rule of PJing. We have our own ethics. Don’t shoot PJ when a guy is busy studying. On such occasions we shell out RJ¹s.

Fifth rule of PJing is to know one’s own limits. You should never challenge a PJ King or even a PJ Barons if you are new to the field. A guy called Govind once asked me what the opposite of his name was. It was simple for me but the counter-attack that I unleashed after that was too fatal for him. And just for the note, opposite of Govind is Comevind.

You must be wondering where the fourth rule of PJing is. It is self evident from the third rule. Shoot PJs when a guy isn’t busy studying. I rock, don’t I??

The writer reminds me to speak something about the origins of PJ. Not being an etymologist, I can’t of course speak much on the matter. You should better consult some specialist like Norman Lewis. I can of course throw some light on the advent of PJing culture in India and how it was institutionalized in Kharagpur and numerous other educational institutes of the country.

The orkut.com community on PJs has been embraced by four thousand odd chaps. Most of the classic PJs have been lost over time and need the dedicated efforts of the people from National Geographic to restore them. One classic PJ still remains among us:

What do you call the species that stays inside the ground and eats stone?

Now this one is predictable…if you don’t get it, you are too low on PQ².

UNDERGROUND STONE EATER

Now, that wasn’t the classic PJ. It was way too predictable. The classic one goes as:

If a tunnel is dug through earth and if a stone is thrown in it........what happens???

Such disturbing questions had been asked by physics professors in schooldays and you always stood confused and puzzled in front of him. Anyways the correct answer is:

The underground stone eater will eat it...

I believe PJs gained real popularity in India with the advent of Liberalization and the Sardarji jokes. Sardarjis have bigger contribution to the PJ community of India than just the jokes. How?? Liberalization in India was effected in 1992 by Sardar Manmohan Singh!! (That was an original one from me)

Liberalization was followed by a steep rise in yahoo chatters and gtalk talkers. The frustrated call centre employees and software coolies added to the loyal student base of the PJ community. However, PJs gained immense popularity in the form of Sardarji jokes. It is believed that a Sardar was once very agitated by this usage and told his wife:

“Tell me one good joke in which I am not involved"

The wife said: "I am Pregnant"

I must make it clear at this stage that I have no grudge against any Sardar. In fact I respect all the Sardars who guard Indian borders so that I can sleep safe and sound. By the way, what do you call a Sardar who runs towards the enemy camp with a flag in hand?

Surrender Singh!!

The ‘Bangali’ PJ trend has just started in IIT Kharagpur and hasn’t yet gained popularity in other parts. What frustrates a Bangali (which is a local pronunciation of Bengali) when his wife delivers twins? He wonders who the father of the second child is.

Anyway, did I tell you how I came to be known as PJ King? There are many PJ masters in IIT Kharagpur but no one was as such acknowledged as the master of PJ masters. One day a proposal for evaluation of all PJ Gods in campus was floated in Mutter Forum. Many claimed to be the PJ King but finally it all boiled down to me and Sugato, a Bangali.

The competition happened in the common chat room of all LAN users in campus. Sugato had an impressive collection of PJs to boast about. He was obviously getting an edge over me. It was then that I tried out a strategy that worked.

You must have heard about the story in which two artists compete as to who is the best. The first draws a flower that deceives a butterfly. The second asks the first to open the flap of his painting. When the first tries to open it, he realizes that it was in fact the painting. The second artist won because the first had deceived a butterfly and the second had deceived the first.

I used a similar strategy. I asked Sugato on the chat room “Do you have holes in your pant?”

He wrote “No”

“How do you put your legs through then?”

That brought me back to the fray. I wrote many Bangali PJs on fish (Bengali men love fish more than their wife), on communists and Tagore, on Subash Bose and Rani Mukherjee and won back my fan support. Then came the turning point that clearly marked my superiority:

Sugato> Why does the crane stand with one leg lifted in water?

Me>Coz if it lifts the other leg it will fall……Huhaaaaahaahaha

Now, what is a crane’s favorite food?

Sugato>Fish!

Me>Crane isn’t a Bangali idiot. The answer is Crane-Berries

That wasn’t an original PJ but I made the right usage of it at the right time. At the end I was announced the winner and unanimously accepted as the PJ King. I had then given a taciturn comment:

“If Sugato were the PJ King, God save the Queen”

The writer believes I am going too far. So let me make a concluding remark. PJs have their own advantages. PJs are usually conceived and propagated by frustrated souls. Propagation of PJs doesn’t remove the frustration; it does help in increasing frustrated people in your surrounding so as to make you less frustrated relative to others. Secondly, girls simply love PJs. They laugh at the silliest PJs.

There is this girl who just loves my PJs. “Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad?” She worked her brains out for the answer but couldn’t get one. She was greatly impressed when I told her it was ‘Sita on a Pushpak plane with Ravana to Sri Lanka’.

But be cautious for your PJs may backfire. I asked her my favourite hole-in-the-pant joke. Being poor in English, I asked her ‘Do you have a hole inside your jeans’ instead of ‘is there a hole in your jeans’. She took it for a Perverted Joke, slapped me real hard and went away. All the PJs I had spent on her till date were wasted by one moment of wrong sentence formation. By the way, can you tell me what people call me since that incident?

Think Hard!!!!

Come on you can make it!!!!

. .

Ok here goes the answer

Pankaj Jha

(I had never disclosed the incident to anyone before this. Hence they call me by the same name since the incident as they used to call me before the incident….Pankaj Jha Originals)

RJ is two steps ahead of PJ as in (A, B, ….P, Q, R, ….Y, Z)J
PQ is PJ Quotient

Novels...

2006-06-17T20:43:00.000+05:30

My sister’s favourite novel is ‘Five Point someone’. As a matter of fact, it may be one of the two novels my sister has ever read. To make my sister stick to a novel till the end is no mean achievement for an author. Besides, this book has been in India bestseller list for a long time.

So one day I decided to go for the novel. It was a plot around the life of students at IIT Delhi. I couldn’t however relate the life of my institute, IIT Kharagpur, with that of his. Yes there always is the pressure of academics but if you are even a fraction as serious as the protagonists of this novel are, you can easily manage a good grade point average. Academic load in IITs (except IIT Madras) is not as bad as the author tries to portray. May be it was so in his time.

5.some1 is a good fiction, written in a lucid and simple way. The novel has all the masala (I hate to use the bollywood lingo for movies of Karan Johar and associates but couldn’t find any better word) to make it an entertaining teen story –girl, girl’s father who happens to be the professor, vodka and suicide. The dope element was found missing in the novel but that is ok. After all every one doesn’t take grass in college.

What I wonder is how the novel made it to the bestsellers list. Agreed he is a fine storyteller but that is not all to make a novel a good novel and take it to the bestseller list.
Simplicity in narration is essential but not all to make a novel work. I discussed the book over with a few blogger friends who are of the opinion that the book worked because the huge number of engineering students and employees in IT field liked it. Perhaps the era of such novels making top business has started.

Some others are of the opinion that the book worked because of the use of IIT brand name. I don’t blame the author for doing that for every IITian does. A political outfit started by novices called Paritrana made it to the headlines and garnered much attention due to the IIT tag. I shall promptly use the ‘Kgp Sento’ (‘Once a Kgpian always a Kgpian’) to get a good job or to get funding for my start-up if I am ever to start one.

I don’t think the IIT tag had much of an effect for the same author came up with another book ‘One night @t the call centre’ and that too was a success. My sister got a copy of it by shelling only a hundred bucks (cheap!) or so. I came home a few days back after taking clearance from my institute and was strongly recommended the book by my sister.

The dedication page of a novel is where you make sincere dedication to someone you appreciate or love and the author tries to be funny here too.

To my baby twin boys
And the wonderful woman
Who created them*

Appreciating the mother of your kids isn’t bad but why don’t you name her if you sincerely dedicate the book to her. Then I see the * mark and move on to the bottom of the page:

‘*with a little bit of help from me’
Thank you for the clarification. I thought the wonderful woman is an alter ego of Virgin Mary and no man has any contribution in the twins she created. And now that you have mentioned that you helped her a bit, why don’t you mention if you ‘exclusively’ helped her or there were others also who helped in the creation of the twins?

At this stage you readers must be thinking that I am some kind of sick guy with a very dry, humourless and sarcastic sense of mind. I just want to clarify. The author didn’t acknowledge the doctors, nurses and midwives involved in the creation of the twins (if you thought otherwise you are the sick one). The point is, what does the author try to prove with such a comment in the dedication page? And why does he think the readers will find a PJ about his contribution in the birth of his kids so entertaining.

I am not making an Everest out of an anthill. Nor am I here to review some novel for I closed the book after I found the dedication page itself quite preposterous. Mind you, I am just speculating over the reading habits of an average Indian and I have no enmity whatsoever with the author or the novels nor do I want to alienate the fans (and there are many) of these novels.

One positive trend I found about ‘five point someone’ and ‘one night at call centre’ is that these books have helped inculcate reading habit among the Indian youth. Yet I believe there are many talented writers around who don’t get published because market likes simple easy-going entertainers.

After ditching one night @ call centre, I got hold of a translated copy of the Oriya novel ‘Paraja’ by Gopinath Mohanty. It is also a work of fiction (on tribes of Koraput) but gives the reader an insight into their life, culture, traditions, thoughts and religion (yes! While the Bajrang Dal and Christian missionaries fight over whether these people are loyal to Jagadish Hare or Jesus Christ, they have religions of their own). After reading the book I felt a sense of contention that I have understood people and cultures I would otherwise have sneered at. The author made me see what the tribals see, eat what they eat and think the way the tribals think.

I won’t suggest a cookbook to making a good novel, I would just like to express my own views. I feel a good novel is an entertaining narration of a strong plot embedded by informative description (Amitav Ghosh?), ideological and philosophical insights (likes of Rushdie) and reflections on human character (Guide, The English Teacher…RK Narayan still rocks) and emotions (Srikanth or any other book of Sarat Chandra Chatterjee).

There are many writers in regional languages who are extremely talented but don’t get published or get published and don’t get noticed because the reading mass prefers English. For people who don’t have a grasp of regional languages, translations are available. I would recommend you to get hold of any ‘Katha’ collection of short stories or translated classics of Oxford University Press. If you are into reading some good novels, my personal recommendations to you this summer are ‘A Damsel in Distress’ by PG Wodehouse and ‘The Class’ by Erich Segal.

Trials & Travails of an Old Man

2006-06-03T23:59:00.000+05:30

Buds has never been sure what he wants to do in life. He entered IIT because IITs are a gateway for an Indian to economic prosperity. His parents, like most other Bihari parents, were more concerned with the dowry element. An IIT graduate can bring in as much as thirty lac rupees to the house with a bonus bride to do the chores.

No doubt, Buds has always been the confused self all under-graduation days at IIT. He saw people aspiring for management schools and started preparing for same. After a fortnight he realised his English is beyond redemption and so dropped the plan. At a point of time he wanted to give GRE and go abroad for higher studies and this time all was going well. Alas, he messed up with his graduation project and the project guide made it clear Buds shouldn’t expect any recommendation from him.

Very soon Buds got fascinated with civil services. His family encouraged him with the hope of getting an enhanced dowry package (as much as a crore rupees plus accessories). He got incensed with the facilities and powers of a civil servant; the biggest attraction, however, was the under-table transactions.

No lunch is free lunch; very much the same way no job is waiting for you. It took a long time for Buds to realise aspiring is easier than actually clearing civils. A three-staged recruitment process ranging a year and with an average success rate of around one per tens of thousand wasn’t Buds’ cup of tea. He dumped the dreams of being a civil servant for the good.

But no! Buds’ story isn’t over yet. In fact it starts now, now that campus placement has just started. Buds hates software jobs –I will be made to work like a hog for every penny I get –to quote Buds. Buds had many favourable elements in his CV. He had a good grade point average and was from electronics department. He had a conviction that companies are waiting just for him and so resolved that he would enter one of those high paying management or oil companies.

Buds got himself a formals wear –made a lot of fuss on colour combination of shirt and pant –and invested generously on tie and shoes. He is now ready to grab his dream job.

HLL and Lehmon Brothers scanned him out in the CV stage itself. He managed to enter the group discussion level in ITC but couldn’t make any headway from there as the only thing he did was nod his head. After the first interview round of Schlumberger, which he couldn’t clear, Buds realised the importance of extra-curricular activities to get into PCMG or oil sector. He immediately used his well-placed contacts to get certificates certifying that he was Inter-IIT gold medallist in football. Friends suggested, looking at the unusual anatomy he had, to take volley-ball or cricket but he settled for no less that football.

The interviewers from Shell Oil were extremely pleased. Good at academics, good at sports and good at hall activities (he had apparently got a certificate issued from the hall that he was general secretary mess).

“What position do you play from in football?”

That was the first question and Buds drew a blank. He had mugged the names of many clubs and players but he had just forgotten to memorize the game.

“I…I think…no I was the goal keeper”

“I guessed so, looking at your anatomy”

Buds didn’t sound much convincing. Luckily the person facing him wasn’t also good at football and so Buds wasn’t grilled much on the topic.

“During my graduation days mess food was horrible. Tell me what your responsibilities are as a mess secretary?” the interviewer asked.

“Making the food” Buds mumbled, more to himself.

“Ok, thank you Mr. –– it has been a pleasure meeting you” Translation: “Get out. You already wasted much of my time”

A wise man is he who learns from experiences. Buds dumped the forged certificates and got ready for an assault of core electronics companies –Intel, Ittiam, Sandisk, Samsung and Philips to name a few. He then realises that he had maintained a good grade point average by taking the easy elective subjects and by taking more subjects in other departments and that he was no good at embedded systems or image processing. Worse, each company has its own specialization to ask from and to learn a dozen elective subjects –RF communication, VLSI, Multimedia etc –in a few days is an uphill task.

After facing the interview board of such companies Buds realizes the essence of B.Tech project even if you aren’t applying for higher studies. But it is too late and almost all core companies have gone. From now on software companies, big and small, will parade into the campus and will take truck load of cheap labour.

Mind you, there is variety in software companies also. There are start-ups that give stock options and a decent pay, then there are the multinationals that pay you six lacs+ per year and make you do work worth ten, the BPO ones that practically end up changing your body timings and last but not the least our very own Infosys, Wipro and Satyam which pay quite enough to manage:

‘Two square meals a day

A modest room to stay

And a blanket to keep the winters at bay’

If you spend prudently (by taking one meal a day and supplementing the room by a cell) you may save something for your insurance policy also.

Coming back to our hero, Buds, we aren’t quite sure if he wasn’t tempted to sit for Infy or Wipro but he finally managed to abstain from these farms. He sat for Oracle, DeShaw and Goldman Sachs Technical positions. From Oracle he learnt that you can’t predict the future, that is, the questions they ask in technical rounds. From DeShaw he learnt that you are either right or wrong in a technical interview but in HR interview you think you are right but you are wrong.

Goldman Sachs interview went quite will. Buds is a wise man who learns from his mistakes and doesn’t repeat them in future. After the HR round, he was asked if he had any questions. He frankly said he had none. Of course he had none. He was ready to work in a coal mine for the brand name of Goldman.

Goldman Sachs didn’t take him. Someone pointed out that if you don’t ask them any questions, the company thinks you are desperate.

“Isn’t it enough that I answer all their untoward questions? Do I have to ask them too?” Buds had practically shouted in frustration that day.

And the story continued such…clouds came and went but Buds saw no rain, very much like Mithun Da’s movies.

There were many moisture-laden clouds

But no rain for Buds

Oracle, DeShaw and Goldman

But no gold for our man

Then comes a company

Called Symphony…

By this time Buds is qualified enough to write the book ‘How to face an interview board’. He now regularly checks the websites of all companies he sits for and calls up seniors in the company to get inputs on nature of work profile. He finds that Symphony is a reputed farm of US with a back-end office in Bangalore. Besides, most of the students in competition have already got jobs and due to the one-student-one-job norm of the institute couldn’t sit for another campus interview. Hence Buds was now the king of donkeys.

By now Buds has learnt C, C++, C#, Java, HTML, Javascript, XML, VRML and a dozen other languages spoken in software farms of India. Clearing the technical round is no longer a problem. Next came the HR round. The first few questions, ‘Tell us something about yourself’, ‘Why do you want to join the company’ etc went perfectly well. Then Buds was asked, “What are your career plans?”

“I want to be the CEO of Symphony” A classmate had impressed the panel of another company by saying this but with all due respect to Buds’ copy and paste ability, he was being recruited to an off-shore office of Symphony and aspiring for CEO was too ambitious.

Perhaps the interviewer also thought so. “Do you know who the present CEO of Symphony is?”

Buds again managed to make a fool of self. He had mugged everything from the website but this small info.

The interviewer moves on. “Do you have any questions?”

“Sir, can you tell me about the work culture at Symphony?” Buds says even though his expressions mean “Just take me in. I have been wearing these formals since three month now and am ready to go to any company. Oh I regret the day I didn’t sit for Infosys and Wipro! I will do whatever work you ask me to –software, hardware, carry bricks and cement, clean the toilets or serve food –whatever you say”

It seems like the company wanted quality students (some companies have a notion that students from IITs have a lot of grey cells) and so recruited almost all who had applied for the job. The pay wasn’t as good as Buds had aspired when placement season had started. In fact, the pay wasn’t half as good as he had aspired then, still it was a good company and Buds found out a dozen odd reasons to convince himself and friends and family that he got his dream company.

All is well that ends well. Buds has now given up his formals and concentrates on what he is good at –woo girls and lick an injured heart after getting rejected.

Gangster: Bollywood coming to age?

2006-05-25T21:50:00.000+05:30

I have been too sluggish these last few months to sit down and pen something in my blog. However this movie -Gangster -just induced me to sit on my ass and burt out some words of admiration.

Gangster is an unusual love story -story of a Daya and Simran. Daya gives up all for Simran and Simran betrays Daya...just to repent later on her decision. Whats worth a watch is the stupendous acting of the girl (will make a point to note her name), Shiny Ahuja and Emran Hashmi (How much I sweared at his acting in previous roles). Don't get mistaken tha Emran Hashmi has been set into a role other than his speciality -seducing -for thats exactly what the does here but with perfection and the story line and direction are so strong that you keep guessing till the end.

The story takes the 'obvious end' even though this end doesn't figure in the number of ends you may predict. Basically, its a natural ending for the love story well crafted by the Gangster team. Shiny Ahuja was just magnificent and with the man-of-a-few-words and hard looking attitude he looked like the perfect gangster. Besides, his intense cries at the moment of betrayal was the best acting in such situations I have seen in Bollywood since Sanjeev Kumar. After Hazaaron KLhwaishein Aisi, he again performs the role of a faithful lover and this movie, like the previous one, ends with the audience falling in love with his character.

What I am happy about is that good movies are being made in Bollywood. Sehar, Rang De Basanti, 15 park avenue, maqbool, Company, Swades and Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi are to name a few. Lets hope Bollywood keeps churning out some more great off-track movies.

The Legend of Crapman

2006-05-13T00:20:00.000+05:30

The real crapman is but a myth now. No one knows his name and whereabouts. Inspite of numerous posts in alumni forums, he remains untraced. The only memento that reminds us of him and his saga is a wall painting besides room number B-316 undersigned as ‘Crappie’ and the story has been passed from one batch to another.

The painting –picture of a detestable youth with shabby uncut hair, unshaved and naked but for a V-shaped underwear waving at every guy who passes by –is a pride for the entire wing. The wing consists of ten single rooms, B-311 to B-320 but B-316 has such a special charm to it, such a supernatural aura that everyone wants to have the room.

So what is this crapman’s hall of fame? As legend has it, crapman had gone without bathe and shave for forty days during the peak of summer and some twenty summers thence no one has broken his record. Of course there have been numerous instances of continued period of such activity in the winter. I myself hadn’t bathed for two weeks, relying completely on deodorants, the previous winter when the geyser had been out of order. But summer in Kharagpur, a place in the tropics encircled by numerous small and big steel plants and other such factories, is a different scenario.

In the year this incidence was written it so happened that B-top floor fell vacant and as per tradition the leaving final year residents chose ten sophomores to occupy the wing. All of us wanted to be in B-316. After all there aren’t many rooms in this hostel with legends attached to them –rooms of successful alumni, rooms of guys who got us general championships, those who started a popular culture in campus –and a resident of one of these is a star by default.

Kodali, of the department of electrical engineering, is the laziest of all nine selected to be my wingies. I have seldom seen him attending classes or studying for the semester exams; still he has miraculously managed to clear three semesters and is heading for another in April end. Having to see him in a dress other than a v-underwear in the wing and a towel in the mess is as much a rarity as is for a National Geographic explorer to find footmarks of a yeti. The only things he does are playing strategic games on LAN and taking dope every now and then. The careless self that he is, I bet his room is one of the most untidy in the campus. It needs real guts for a guy to endeavour into his room –walls decorated with cobwebs, the floor beyond a thick layer of dust splashed with biscuit and chips covers, a leg of the bed broken, study table full of cigarette ash, the room smelling of a dead mouse, the dress smelling like socks used for a week or so and the pillow smelling of sweat.

We could move into the wing only after fifteenth May when the final years would leave. On the third of April we were hoisting a farewell party for the wing seniors when one of the seniors proposed that the coveted room should go to the one who stands upto Crapman’s caliber. Interpretation –stay without bathe and shave for forty one days. It was supposed to be a joke but Kodali got serious with the proposition. It is not clear whether the wall painting caught his fantasy or he just got envious of the man depicted in the painting, but Kodali made the ambitious announcement of breaking Crapman’s record.

Even for a natural crappy guy like him, it was just overambitious. The climate is hot and humid and if you don’t bathe regularly the skin starts itching and there is a high probability of skin diseases.

Kodali sure was damn serious for he was a natural enemy of all that is neat and clean. He stated that he just had to prove that Crapman’s legend isn’t as big as people make it out to be. A couple of seniors rebuked him but that didn’t alter his determination. Many tried to discourage him and many made fun of him but that didn’t change his mind.

“…rooms of successful alumni are star rooms, rooms of guys who got us general championships are star rooms but this sure isn’t a star room. I don’t desire for B-316 but I need to tell you there is nothing special about this Crapman” Kodali stated.

On the fourth of April starts Kodali’s hazardous venture into the Hall of Fame…

Countdown: 31 days to go. While there always are curious pals, most of us are quite reconciled to the fact that Kodali is dragging a silly challenge too far. Kodali has become the talk of the campus and no doubt he is enjoying the new found popularity.

Countdown: 25 days to go. Kodali has developed some abnormal habits. Some guy, cursed be him, told Kodali that his tummy is growing. All of us had marked it, for a tummy looks distinctly protruding for a person who is perpetually found in the nude. Result: Kodali starts playing football in the evening and expects us to embrace him into our friends’ circle (that damn day I became his friend!) with all the sweat accumulated during the game. Who doesn’t take a shower after playing football for an hour?

Secondly, he has started attending classes. This sure is contrary to his nature…yet is no symptom of a skin disease. Since we have most classes common, I have to tolerate him even here. What worries me more is that the girl I have been flirting with has started avoiding me.

Countdown: 15 days to go. The cunning Indra had sent Menaka to break Viswamitra’s intense penance. Some crack a conspiracy to break Kodali’s record run. The end semesters have just started and I can’t bear his stink while we do group study, so I join in willingly. The plan is to plunge him into the shit tank (an emergency tank filled with water attached to every latrine block so as to be used for excreting when water supply stops) when he enters the latrine block for peeing.

There are four bathrooms and three latrines in the bathroom block. Four of the conspirators take position inside the bathrooms; two in two of the latrines, me and another are outside on the basin posing with a shaving cream and razor. Kodali comes in straight from a football match, his body sweaty and his legs covered with mud, and is about to enter the empty latrine when we dive on him from all directions. We try to pull him down to the shit tank but can’t. His body is all sweat and our hands slip as we try to push him into the shit tank.

Kodali manages to escape.

Now on he goes all the way to A block even for peeing. He often smirks at our plan and terms his escape as ‘divine intervention’.

“If you wanted to hook none other than Kodali himself, couldn’t you hatch a better plan? Look even the Almighty is with me. He induced a lazy guy like me to play football so that the sweat would make me slip off your hold. Even he wants me to win”

Worse, Kodali has stopped using deodorants when going to the examination. His preposterous idea: no invigilator will dare loiter around him and we could easily copy. He didn’t consider the fact that I or anyone else won’t dare sit near him in the examination hall!

Countdown: 10 days to go. Kodali has started looking like the man in the painting undersigned ‘crappie’. We openly avoid him and don’t let him into our rooms. The moment he takes a table in the mess, others eating there shift to another table but he seems to like this kind of discrimination. The seniors don’t take him for job treats but that hasn’t discouraged him. He has, it seems, started fancying himself as a person awed and respected by one and all.

Countdown: 5 days to go. Exams have ended and just some hustle about project work remains before we can go back home for the summer vacations. The summer has never ever been this bad. There has been no rain in this part of the country since a long time. The cool evening summer breeze that we had always enjoyed on rooftops has practically vanished. It is becoming tough to go anywhere under the blazing sun. Water problems have increased and even the best of friends are fighting over water. More than one shower per day has become a dream.

Everyone is anxiously waiting to see Kodali break the record. His confidence level is high, so is our determination level not to let him succeed –call it green-eyed jealousy or stubborn disgust on the record he means to break. Another conspiracy with the same set of conspirators. This time we place ourselves well in advance in the corridors of A block. The plan is to take water from the shit tank and throw at Kodali as soon as he comes out of a latrine. We have got our buckets and have lurked ourselves at strategic posts.

Kodali comes, doesn’t suspect anything, and is about to enter a latrine when someone on the corridor shouts that there is no water. Kodali checks it and then looks at the shit tank.

“Get your bucket and go in or go to Nehru Hall restroom. There is water supply in there now” suggests the spoiler of our agenda from the corridor.

“I don’t have a bucket. I would better go to Nehru Hall” Kodali says and moves out. After sometime we rush out to Nehru hall but by the time we realize which restroom he is using, he is out. ‘Divine intervention’ again. Frustrated, we drop the plan.

Countdown: 2 days to go. Sun is venting all its anger on innocent humans and many heartless professors have fixed this day for project evaluation. However I already had my project evaluation earlier and so am lucky enough not to be one among the unfortunate ones who have gone to the institute braving the fatal rays of the unscrupulous Sun God.

Sun God, God knows why, is ruthless on the creatures on this planet. Never has His vendetta been so disastrous for humankind as it is now. Stray dogs are dying of heat, huge trees that have tolerated more than a hundred summers seem to be shaken and Loo is too hot to be faced.

Indra –the King of Gods –comes to our help. Cyclonic winds suddenly blow in from all directions, sky gets illuminated by huge lightning and thunders proclaim the arrival of the King of Gods. Sky breaks loose and it starts raining. A welcome relief that it is, I don’t miss the chance of bathing in the first rain.

Suddenly a figure is seen in the deluge rushing into the hostel, shirt on head and heavily drenched in rain water. As he draws closer, we find he is Kodali. Kodali swears at his guide and the rain and quickly takes off his dress and dries himself with a towel.

“So you couldn’t break the record after all” one of my fellow conspirators tells, “Seems like you also bathed in the first rain”

It hadn’t crossed my mind till now that Kodali has really broken his record run two days before finish line and from the shocked look on his face that even Kodali hadn’t thought this rain could have such disastrous effect on him.

“But that’s…that’s no bathe. I couldn’t help…”

“Divine intervention” someone interrupts.

“I knew he couldn’t break Crapman’s record” says another.

Everything makes sense now. Indra had done all he could to break Sage Viswamitra’s penance and He tried to do the same with Kodali. He sent his court dancer Menaka to break Viswamitra’s penance and Sun God to break Kodali’s. Sun God showed all the fury he could but didn’t succeed in stopping Kodali. When Sun God failed, the King of Gods himself came down to Kharagpur with his thunderbolt.

Crapman is but a legend now. No one knows his name and whereabouts. Some of his story is truth and some myth. A second chapter has now been added to the legend of Crapman, that of a Kodali who challenged him. So what if the real Crapman is undocumented and untraced? Kodali’s name has become synonymous with his.