Suggest me a title

This is the longest story I have ever written and also the boldest. Nevertheless it has won rave reviews and has become an instant hit in my wing. Don't get disheartened by the length or by the boring speed; He who reaches the end shall enjoy the fiction. The probs is tha I still don't have a suitable title for this stuff. Nywayz, ny1 who reads it plz suggest a title; Nd ya, this needs mention that all characters in this story are fictional and any resemblance with my wingies is co-incidental (I know they will kick my ass if I don't mention this). Besides, plz note that the writer isn't the narrator of the story and that nothing of the sort mentioned herewith have ever happened to the writer.

THE STORY: A piece of Fiction

“Virginity is the greatest virtue of a girl and the greatest burden on a boy” I wish I hadn’t fallen for those words of Somanchi. But I did and like all previous propositions of Somanchi I fell for, I wonder why I fell for this knowing very well it only meant trouble.

“You are eighteen and still a virgin” Somanchi aggressively put forth his points to Nakul, having convinced me and confident that Phoru is an easy target, “You know when Europeans get rid of their virginity?” Somanchi asks a lot of thought provoking questions without expecting an answer.

“But they do it with girls not hookers” Nakul retorted. Even after three years of friendship, he didn’t realize that Somanchi doesn’t like to be interrupted in the midst of a discourse.

“We won’t also dude, we won’t also. Indians are a pack of hypocrites. You don’t know how many gorgeous college girls are involved in flesh trade. They don’t do it for money; they do it for pocket money. That’s what we are going to exploit…”

“But isn’t that prostitution also?”

“Oh come on, you are such a chicken-hearted guy” Such inflammatory words when delivered from Somanchi usually fills the receiver with self-contempt, “You are hesitant because you are afraid. Look, prostitution is defined as that form of sexual interaction that involves professionalism and full time occupation on at least one side. Ask yourself why you are hesitant and you would realize that its because you are unable to come out of the great Hindu hypocrisy. You know why the Chinese started off with us but are developing faster?”

“Yes. China opened up its market back in seventies while we…”

“Cut that crap. Let me tell you why. Chinamen are open-minded. They believe in the best and sex is the best time pass. Chinese youths do it as early as at the age of fifteen. They don’t even recognize each other a day after having the fun”

I wasn’t sure about the authenticity of Somanchi’s data but if what he said were true, I know the reason why they don’t recognize each other after a day or so. All Chinks look the same.

Nakul finally agreed. Not that he had any other option as Somanchi was determined to rope in Nakul. Phoru was more than willing to fall for the temptation of flesh. Somanchi however had plans of roping in as many pals as possible for Project Chameli, as Phoru had nicked the mission. At that time I was clueless as to why he was insisting on so many friends to come along. Phoru had a notion that more the number of clients, more will be the discount Somanchi’s pimp was willing to give. Why else would he try to rope in Rohit, the only in our dorm with a girlfriend. Ruminating over the issue now I realize that Somanchi was as terrified as us. After all he has also been brought up in the Hindu hypocrite society. Besides, going into unknown territory alone makes a person feel insecure.

I was sure he couldn’t make Rohit agree to his proposition. Yet again I was wrong and yet again Somanchi surprised me.

“You gone crazy or what? Final time, I am not going anywhere with you perverts” Rohit said after a long discussion on the subject.

“Just take your time and think it over” Somanchi retorted.

“What think it over? I have a girlfriend stupid”

“Exactly! You need to do it more than Sharat or Nakul or Phoru for that matter. I know your girlfriend is a typical Indian girl and these girls don’t let you touch them that easily. I know you haven’t yet done anything with her. What I say is when you first do it with her it should be a great experience, not a pathetic novice show. That’s exactly the reason why I am going”

“You have a girlfriend?” Rohit was surprised; so were the rest of us.

“Yes. Eh…you guys don’t have to look like that. Of course she isn’t of campus, so you people don’t know. It is kind of a romantic story how I met her. I had been to Mumbai in last year’s industrial training. I met her on…”

Let me put it in short. Somanchi was lying. He had tried his hands on almost all the pretty girls in campus (campus having one of the worst sex ratio in the country –fifty females to a thousand males) but could never taste success. He endeavoured forth making numerous chat friends and talking to unknown girls on mobile and chat, spending sleepless nights, but rarely made any headway. The rare occasion that a girl evinced an interest in meeting him, he hoped to strike gold but instead struck copper. On one occasion, he did strike gold in his home-town but the girl made it clear after the first date that it was meant to be the last date.

“Whatever! I am not going. Stop bugging me” Rohit raised his voice to emphasize that he meant it, interrupting Somanchi’s narration about the girlfriend he met in Mumbai. As I have already said, Somanchi gets irritated when anyone interrupts and can fall to levels of despotism.

“So you aren’t coming, eh?” Somanchi glared, “Seems like you have forgotten that I still have the video we took after that booze party in which you became high and confessed all your carnal desires. All that and the comments on various girls in campus. You know what will happen if it gets public?”

Somanchi is a dedicated warrior, not a noble knight. He will do anything to finish all obstacles in his path and rescue the princess.

“You won’t do that. You are my friend” Rohit softened.

“You are right. The video won’t go public. I will simply send it to your girlfriend”

With a sigh of relief Rohit said, “The video was taken before we started going out”

With a grimace, Somanchi said, “Yes that’s true. But alas! The video doesn’t have a date written on it. Rohit, I am not your enemy. Trust me, its going to be fun. And think what will happen if she finds out the video. She won’t trust you and…”

“She will. We have an understanding” Rohit again interrupted him.

“Ok. She will, but you don’t know how dangerous the element of doubt is in a girlfriend. More the distrust more the time she will take to let you touch her. And the video is so vulgar, she may mot let you touch her before marriage…of course if you intend to marry her”

“And I am sure you don’t want to go that long with a virgin tag” Phoru said. I could see pride and only pride in Somanchi’s eyes as he looked up at Phoru. He seemed to say –Bravo! Bravo my pupil. You are my real student, the only one to rise up to my expectations.

O boy! Rohit was also in. That took the count to a sizeable five.

Phoru and Somanchi fixed the price, the girls and all other terms and conditions with the pimp. We paid a hefty two thousand rupees each (I explained to my parents that it was for management entrance test materials) which included the girls and the hotel. He would arrange the hotels, the girls and the place of meeting; our work was just to reach some restaurant in Bajrangbali Street in the city by noon on a Monday. Somanchi reasoned that the weekday and odd timing helped reduce the costs.

Anticipation and expectations soared higher and higher as we moved closer to the D-day. Somanchi had regained the image of a hero; as one who is born into this world to provide salvation to a flesh-hungry mass. Of course, as he himself says, when you aspire for something whole world conspires against you. That doesn’t mean you get distracted or give up.

Leading the world in this conspiracy was our Signal Processing professor. This fiend of mankind in general and students in particular has been threatening to take a surprise test since eternity but this time he meant it. “The test will have as much weightage as your mid-semester exams so don’t miss it. Your friend can put proxy for you but can’t write the test for you”

“When is the test sir?” a front bencher fool asked.

“Ha ha ha” the prof laughed loudly, “It’s a surprise test! So I won’t tell you when I will be taking it. I plan to take it this Monday or Tuesday but I won’t tell you. You see, it’s a surprise test”. The Monday he meant was the D-day.

Two thousand rupees is too big a sum to be lost and I was in no mood to flunk in signal processing. It seemed like I was doomed till God came to my help in the form of…who else than Somanchi?

“I am sure the prof is kidding this time as well. There isn’t any logic attached to his surprise test and he seems so sentimental about the surprise aspect of it. Suppose he doesn’t take the test on Monday. That means he has to take the test on Tuesday. If he takes the test on Tuesday it is expected –the test is no longer a surprise test”

“But we are talking about Monday” I reminded him.

“We are convinced that he won’t take the test on Tuesday. That means the only date he can take the test is Monday. If Monday is the only option he is left with and we can foresee that then there is nothing surprising about the test. Believe me guys, you will meet many obstacles in life. You just have to tackle them with your wit”

I couldn’t quite get the logic behind Somanchi’s statement but was ready to buy on anything to let me taste the net worth of my two thousand rupees.

“Can’t you get my money back from your agent? I want to stay back in case there is a test” Rohit had pleaded.

“Things once sold can’t be returned” was Somanchi’s curt reply

So it was that by the providence of Almighty five students of so and so institute –Somanchi the Almighty, Nakul the nescient, Phoru the pervert, Rohit the committed and Sharat the narrator –set forth for the city on the morning of a certain Monday. We reached two hours earlier than the stipulated time at the station. I had my objections to the early arrival but Somanchi had insisted. Somanchi did get a chance to prove himself right when the cab took more than an hour to reach Bajrangbali Street. It was days later when a friend from the city told me that Bajrangbali Street was walking distance from the station.

The cab driver managed to get away with a hefty sum but we didn’t mind at that time for all we could think about then was sex. Next task was to search for the restaurant in question. As per the agent’s instructions, a woman would be waiting outside a posh restaurant. One of us had to go and ask her if she was ‘Shalini’. If answer be in affirmative, she would take us in and introduce us to the girls. All this would go on in a busy market place and under the pretext of a date.

It took Somanchi quite some time to follow his agent’s instructions and reach at the restaurant. My heart beat kept increasing as the restaurant drew closer. There was a woman –no a lady standing at the entrance.

“It is her! It is her!” Phoru cried out.

“Low idiot and stop pointing at her” Nakul said. It was obvious that he was nervous.

“Does that lady look like a pimp?” Rohit said. He had silently and reluctantly followed us all along but this was the first time he opened his mouth in hours.

“You don’t have to worry. These are high society pimps working for college girls. She obviously won’t dress like a red light district one here in a posh restaurant. My agent has assured me it is going to be safe” Somanchi retorted.

“But what if she is an undercover cop masquerading as a pimp to nab the whole nexus?” Rohit plainly but firmly asked.

“Just shut up Rohit” Phoru, desperate that he was to taste flesh, said, “Someone go and ask her if she is Shalini auntie or whatever”

“Why don’t you? We will be hanging right behind you” I said.

“Why me?” Phoru was taken aback.

“Why not you? You seem to be the most excited and desperate” I am smart at counter-questioning.

“Because…because…well…you see” Phoru fumbled while trying to seek a scapegoat.

“Because?” Nakul asked.

“Yes…yes because Somanchi is our project manager” Phoru finally came up with a scapegoat. Everyone now turned to Somanchi who, unlike his usual nature, had been silent in the discussion.

“But why me?” Somanchi scowled.

“Because project Chameli was your idea” Phoru promptly said.

“You named it project Chameli, not I” was Somanchi’s only lame defence but it didn’t work. For the first time since the ill-fated day I met him, Somanchi was out-witted and couldn’t have his say over others. After the victory of democracy, he looked at each one of us with pleading eyes, hoping that a volunteer would take over at the last moment.

We stood by as our hero moved forward, looking back at us again and again to ascertain that we were behind him. Panic was writ on his face. Rohit’s cold eyes seemed to tell, “In case you are caught, we don’t know you” which even more frightened Somanchi. It took him quite a lot of time to cover the twenty feet between us and the lady. We were out of hearing range from them when he approached her; yet it wasn’t tough to make out the conversation…

Somanchi: “I am…yes yo..you… are you…”

Lady (her expressions showed she was expecting him): “Yes, you want something?”

Somanchi (after a brief pause that made him look like an idiot): “Yes…yes…I mean no. Can you…I mean I am here…I want to go to Anand Bazar”

Lady (surprised): “What?”

Somanchi: “Yes yes. I have to go to Ananad Bazar and am new to this city. Its such a big city…isn’t it?”

Lady: “Anand Bazar is far from here. You take this route (pointing in a direction) and take a bus to Babughat. Ask the bus to stop at Anand Bazar”

Following the route the lady was pointing to, Somanchi rushed off in a direction. By the time we caught up with him, he was freaked out like anything. He kept mumbling in an unintelligible dialect till we assured him that we already were far from the restaurant. Looking at his panic-stricken face at that moment, there were two things I knew for sure –that I didn’t know for sure what went wrong with our valiant warrior at the moment of action and that I wasn’t going to get back my two thousand bucks nor was I going to have sex.

Rohit was perhaps the only one at that time who hadn’t lost his composure and knew what to do. Following his advice we went to a nearby restaurant to discuss our future course of action. Mind you, it wasn’t my mistake but Rohit’s. He should have known that given shade and cold drinks Somanchi can come back to his usual harmful self.

Phoru and Nakul were furious about their money and started scolding Somanchi the moment we got hold of a table and some water. Somanchi kept staring at some arbitrary point on the wall and the volley of furious slang from Phoru and Nakul directed at him didn’t seem to affect him in any way. The atmosphere turned tenser when Rohit confirmed on his mobile that the signal processing professor had indeed conducted a test. “I divulged in last class that the test will be on Monday or Tuesday. If I didn’t take the test today, tomorrow is the obvious option but then there won’t be the surprise component in it. So I decided to surprise you people by taking the test today” to quote the professor.

“Listen guys. It has been a really bad day thanks to Somanchi. I think we must leave immediately” Rohit proposed and we agreed.

“But we have lost all that we had to. There is nothing more we can lose by extending our stay here” Somanchi finally opened his mouth, a bad sign indicating that he was regaining his composure.

“Even then we must leave!” Rohit thundered.

“I am here to get rid of the burden I have been carrying for eighteen long years” Somanchi said his eyes still fixed at some spot on the wall. I guess he wasn’t ready to talk eye-to-eye with us.

“You still have the face to talk like that?” Rohit retorted, “You, of all the people, are going to stay a virgin for a long, long time. There is no way your ‘college girls’ are still waiting for you. It is already two. Let’s just get back”

“We are thirsty travellers in the desert. The water we sensed was just a mirage but that doesn’t mean we leave the hope of finding an oasis” Somanchi said, his eyes still glued to some spot on the wall making us believe his evil mind was busy thinking.

“So you want we people to spend more for you?” Rohit remarked sarcastically.

“No. Those who want to go back can do so. Rest can follow me (on the road to enlightenment…I guess)” Somanchi said, “I have some money in my bank account. I can use my ATM to take it out and share it with all those who would like to come with me”

“Go with you? Whereto?” Phoru shouted. Many people turned around to look what was wrong. Phoru, in his grief, was unaware of the surrounding.

“I know where pimps in Sonagachi market prostitutes” Somanchi said firmly.

“Wow! What desperation! So you ultimately plan to go to Sonagachi the famous red-light area” Nakul said.

“Don’t just blame me damn” Somanchi was agitated as he thumped on the table, “It was natural to freak out in a busy locality while dealing with such people. Besides, I did all from fixing the deal to bringing you here. Could none of you go and speak to that woman?”

Ok. I am a fool. I again fell for Somanchi’s proposition. Nakul and Rohit were wise enough to return. Phoru, the lecher that he is, didn’t mind following Somanchi…but why did I fall for it? I guess because the two thousand bucks hurt me deeply and I thought there wasn’t anything else that could possibly go wrong.

It was the first time –and also the only till date –that I went to a red light area. Some guy in campus had told Somanchi where exactly in Sonagachi to find pimps. Accordingly we reached the place. I was feeling very embarrassed as people all around were gazing at three kids in gentleman attire. We didn’t have to search for pimps as one immediately cornered us.

“Want something? I can get you very beautiful girls” he said.

“Yes. We need beautiful and quality girls” Somanchi said. This Somanchi, mind you, was much different from the one in previous act. The offended had already gained much of his lost valour and there were no respectable people to fear here in Sonagachi.

“Just eight hundred each and I will take you on a ride to heaven” the pimp said showing pictures of three pretty girls.

“Eight hundred? Do you think we are new? Eight hundred is too costly. Two hundred”

“Ask anyone in Sonagachi about Lakhan Da. I have a reputation here for ethics. I never charge unreasonably. You see, we have to pay the girl and her patron and then the police take hefty commission”

“Listen, we aren’t new to red light area. The price is two hundred in Ranchi for the best quality girl” Somanchi said. Did I tell you that Somanchi has mastered the art of situational lying and that also with a lot of confidence?

The pimp shook his head in discord. “Whom are you trying to fool dada? I supply girls to Ranchi, Cuttack and Patna. There is a lot of difference between girls there and here”

“Okay then three hundred”

“Dada you look respectable people. I can take three hundred and send an old woman but you won’t like her”

“Ok then four hundred. We can’t afford more than that”

“Seven hundred final dada”

“Five hundred final. Else we will look for another agent” Somanchi threatened. He had learnt from his source that how good a deal you strike depends on how you bargain. Besides there are numerous pimps in Sonagachi so Somanchi wasn’t in a hurry to strike a deal. The pimp made a face but finally agreed to five hundred.

Somanchi was taking out his wallet when the pimp objected. “Not here, sir. It is risky here. Come with me” and took us to a lonely side lane.

“You shouldn’t deal that casually with money here” the pimp warned, “Now all three of you look the opposite side and act as if you don’t know me”. We immediately turned around waiting for his instructions.

“Now all three of you politely take out your wallets and hand them over to me” There was a marked change in the pimp’s voice. I immediately turned around to see a pistol pointed at Somanchi’s butt. The freaky look of the afternoon was back on Somanchi’s face as he stood immobilized.

“Fast! Take out your wallets if you don’t want this chap’s ass to blast” the pimp threatened aggressively poking the pistol into Somanchi’s butt.

We immediately took out our wallets but Somanchi didn’t.

“Look, my uncle is a lawyer and my father knows the police commissioner of this place” That’s Somanchi for you.

“Give your wallet idiot. What will you tell the police you were doing in a red-light area” Phoru whispered loud enough for the pimp to hear.

“That’s a smart guy” the pimp commented.

“I am sure you don’t have a licence for that pistol. This is illegal. I am ready to forgive you if you just leave us alone” Somanchi said as he took out his wallet.

“What an ass! Don’t you realize you are in my mercy, I am not in yours?” The pimp said as he snatched Somanchi’s wallet, “Now stay still and keep looking at that electricity pole in the corner till I tell you to leave. Else that stupid guy’s ass will be on fire”

It was a pretty long time we kept looking at the electric pole following the pimp’s order.

“You are impossible Somanchi” I whispered my eyes fixed at the electric pole.

“You saw it is not my mistake. I can’t take responsibility if you get robbed” Somanchi whispered back, eyes fixed on the electric pole.

“It is you who brought us to a red-light area fool” Phoru whispered his eyes fixed at the electric pole.

Me: “I hope you understand our ATM cards are also gone. How do we go back to the institute?”

Somanchi: “Don’t worry. I will find a way out”

Phoru: “Not you ass. Do us a favour –stop stressing your brain”

Somanchi (feeling hurt): “But I have experience in travelling without ticket”

Me: “Forget it. The station is far from here”

Phoru: “My mobile is with me. I can call Rohit and ask him to come over with some money”

Somanchi: “Look! You have found a way out. Be positive. It helps. This was a good experience. We won’t make the same mistake again next time we…”

Me: (to Somanchi) “Shut up” (To Phoru) “But till when we have to stand like this?”

Phoru (loud): “Sir you can keep the wallets. Just let us go”
Somanchi (whisper): “You call that thug ‘sir’”

Me & Phoru (together): “Shut the fuck up Somanchi”

It was a long time we stood there frozen gazing at the electric pole before we found out that the pimp had left.

Phoru called Rohit and asked him to come over with money. Rohit did agree but after giving him an earful of abuses.

“It is kind of Rohit to come for us. It is already seven in the evening” I said Phoru.

“You should have let me call him. He won’t dare to abuse me. I have his video” shameless Somanchi still had the face to tell that.

With the end of that traumatic day came an end to Somanchi endeavour to lose his virginity. We had “set forth to screw but ended up getting screwed” to quote Nakul